The horrible mass mail that started it all...
October 7, 1998

Dear people,

        Congratulations.  You all have made it onto my worthy of being mailed list.

           To those of you whose addresses I got right, hello.

        Most of you are on this list because you e-mail me regularly, some of you don't (you know who you are JUSTIN.)

So here is the big update: I am now <<[email protected]>>

        I am told that mail sent to kamole for me has been and will be deleted, sent to cyber heaven so to speak, as opposed to cyber hell. Cyber hell is for people that don't e-mail __ME__, like JUSTIN.

         So, to those of you who sent messages to me in the last couple of days, retype them so I can read them.  I want to read about all of your fascinating lives because I have no friends at American.  This makes me sad, so all of you should write me at my new address, and make me very happy :-).
         If you do not e-mail me, I assume you are dead, or stupid, like JUSTIN.

         (Would anyone like to place bets on how often JUSTIN has said, "F*ck you all!" while reading this message?  I'm guessing ten, but I'm not certain.  He may have mixed in "Get over yourself, Shawn," and "You sex crazed mental midget of a f*cked up monkey.")

         IF you do not want to be put on the sh*t list, then please at least e-mail me some sign that you still have vital signs.  Please, I need human contact.  Preferably, all of your human contact.

         __NOT__ like you think.  Perverts :->

         Alright, since I love you all I will write you a little about my life recently.

         I am personally happier than I have ever been.  I have lots of "virtual" friends, and I have a car, and a job and lots of new goals and happiness.  I have learned much about myself, i.e.: I am not a scientist, I am not interested in politics (though political theory is neat, it's like war is to Risk as politics is to political theory), I enjoy writing very much, I am never going to be normal, I am a social deviant (I do not adhere to "norms"), I need to get my other ear pierced, etc.

         I have also learned that I can BREAK the ____25 minute____ barrier from AMERICAN TO MY HOUSE.  At this rate, to put it in perspective, I could go from my house to TECH in about an hour and 15 minutes.
         I am very cool.

     I have also decide that I am either going to buy (WARNING: guitar talk) either an OVATION STANDARD ELITE, or perhaps an OVATION CUSTOM LEGEND (both of which are acoustics that you can look at on <<www.ovationguitars.com>>) or a FENDER BIG APPLE STRAT or a FENDER FAT STRAT.  <<www.fender.com>>
     The colors are respectively, __Cadillac-green burst__ or __plum-burst__ for the ovations.  (Think Doug's car when it was new and Regan's hair when it was purple) or __teal-green-metallic__ or __candy-apple-red__ on the Fenders.  (like, um . . . the color of my eyes on a good day, (when the whites are completely blood shot, red, and the iris is blue-green.))

     

And, to quench some of the nasty rumors I have been hearing:

         Regan J. Blackwood and Shawn A. Mole

         Are Proud to Announce:


         _____That everything's fine._____
         ____The sex is just excellent.____
         ____And we are all well now.____


         We did have some adjustment problems (namely that JUSTIN came between our love), but we have handled all that.

     Anyway, I don't find American to my particular taste, so I will transfer soon, preferably to JMU. __SOMEONE__ (it couldn't have been Justin) complained when they heard I might be going to TECH.

         Also, I am still not drawing MENTAL ROADKILL, but when I do, you will all hear about it.  I will send you personal invitations to spread the good word, and visit it on middleearth.org, assuming it ever gets drawn.

         Anyway, I grow incoherent, and the spelling is bothering even me.

         So, if you don't want to be put on the sh*t list, (or you want to get off, JUSTIN) just e-mail me that you love me and are still alive.

         Remember the address by thinking "Morning Mole" as it is 1:00 am already, and I am just starting to get some work done.


         Love,

         Shawn

         PS -- hope you're not mad JUSTIN, you know I love you more than anyone else on this list . . . except maybe Regan.
         UM . . .  I think I love Regan more, but you understand . . .


         Love all you crazy people, and remember, if they catch you doing what you were thinking about doing earlier today, you're going straight to jail.

         BUY THE NEW _cake_ ALBUM, I can't remember its title, but it will be cool.
    

love, shawn, essay am mole (or die trying )