What's in a name?
April 11, 1999

Alright, Jenni asked for it.  Now it is time to explain all the nicknames that I have for all of you lovely little creatures.  Really, I believe it necessary to rename people, because, honestly, how well did your parents really know you when they named you?  Not at all. True, some people live up to their names, and sort of just grow into them and never really develop any special characteristics or outstanding traits.  That's kind of sad, that some people can be summed up in a name.  Here it goes, in the order I could remember what I call you all:

Jay, aka "Justin": Justin is so much cooler than his name.  Honestly, besides our Jay, how many other really cool Justins do you know?  But, Justin isn't as dorky as someone whose given name was "Jay."  So, we I call him "J," which he started, because its damn cool and it fits him.  I spell it out, "Jay" because that looks better than a single letter.  I'm really thinking "J."

Jenni, aka "Jenni": I know what's good for me.  'Nuff said.  But, if I had a death wish, I would call Jenni "CupCake."  Not because it fits her, just because it would ensure an instantaneous death.  If I wanted a slow painful death I would call her "Love Muffin."

Milk Boy, aka "Tim": This has nothing to do with Regan's cow comment. (DEAR LORD!)  I just think Tim looks like he drank his milk as a lad.  Hell, whenever I see Tim, I think, "He just drank some milk."  Strong muscles and healthy bones.  (That's not a come-on, Tim.)

Mr. T, (Mr. T) aka Tony, aka Antonio Banderas, aka "Mike Berard": Mike reminds me of Mr. T and Antonio Banderas at the same time.  Hence, Mr. T.  He is strong like Mr. T, and black like Mr. T, but he has cool hair like Antonio Banderas. Also, I think Mike looks like a Mr. T.  "Tough Guy" Berard.  Yeah.

My Little Enchilada, aka "Alison": She's not my little Enchilada, she is anyone's little Enchilada.  This comes from an unfortunate incident when I was trying to name people after types of foods.  I think Mike Gordon might have been the Tomato of Sin, but I'm not certain.  That was a long dark time ago.  Anyway, next time you see Alison, call her your little Enchilada.  She will hit you, and send me angry threats via trained squirrels.  Maybe she will make the squirrels bite your genitals.  HA!  (Wait . .. Shawn, maybe she will make the squirrels bite YOUR genitalia.  Hmmmm. . . not so good.  Note to self: Delete this part.)

The Tomato of Sin, aka Grapefruit boy, aka Micky G, aka Mice, aka "Mike Gordon": Damn.  He has a lot of embarrassing nicknames. I prefer, now, to call him Mice.  I think naming Mike after a large group of rodents is just odd enough to work.  I don't know why.  It comes from Micky G, like Mickey Mouse, and the rest is just odd free association.   And a spelling error.  That too.  Don't even ask about "Grapefruit Boy."

Douglas, aka "Doug": This isn't a very imaginative nickname.  But this is what I really call him when I am being affectionate or ribbing him.  Isn't that nice?  Douglas is a good thing to call Doug, because it works in so many ways, either as a cute thing or as a respectful thing.

MK Ultra, aka Ultra, aka "Meghan K": I named her this because these are her initials.  And, because MK Ultra was the secret CIA experiments with LSD to create a super soldier.  I find that amusing.  And Ultra is such a cool nickname.

Superman, aka "Brian": You can just call him Super, or man.  But, we all know that in Brian's spare time he is Superman.  This is why women find him so damn sexy.  This is also why I got him a Superman hat some time ago.

Girl, aka "Catherine": Catherine is a girl.  I don't know, I am tired of this game and I never gave Catherine a nickname.  Don't hate me because I ran out of creative things four nicknames ago.  Besides, saying to Catherine "Hey, Girl" takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?  Actually, this is really short for "Only Girl I know with more than two Lesbian Lovers."  Now you know, and knowing is so much less than half the battle.

Regan: I have called Regan many things over the last year and a half.  Some have been cute, some have been horrible mistakes that we will forego talking about.  EVER.  For both of our sakes.  But, to make a long story short, I will call Regan many cute things in the future probably, and none of you are allowed to call her the things I get to call her.  Except maybe Catherine. (Who did you think she was a Lesbian with, anyway?)  And Jenni, but I don't tell Jenni what to do EVER.

Crappie, the dope squirrel: I don't know what his real name is.  But he brings me happiness in a bag every day.  Hehe.