My Kids Inside Me

A year and a quarter,

Look how large you have grown.

Every night now I see him or her,

And I wonder what else I could have done.

If I had not blown up,

Maybe I would have known,

And maybe I could have told her to be careful,

Because it is not healthy to play too much in the sun.

I would have been a dad,

Damn you don't know how glad,

I would have been,

But the imminence of that was never seen.

My son, my daughter,

Died in side her.

They were never born,

Never adored.

Yes life would have been hard,

But I would have moved forward.

Just think, me a father,

Her a mother,

Of a lovely son or daughter,

Oh how I would have loved him or her.

Conceptually speaking,

It is amazing.

A part of me died with it,

Although I had no clue of it.

The ghost of that part,

Haunts me in my sleep,

If it is deep,

Or just the start.

Sean Michael Johnson Junior,

Looks just like me,

And little Elizabeth Lee,

I wish you knew her,

She has the prettiest smile,

But when I see them all the while,

When I'm holding them,

I know it will never be,

That I'm being tricked by something dead inside me.

Oh but you should see them.

They're 15 months and counting,

And they are getting so big.