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The Wusses of Kingdom Plantae |
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Mosses: The Wusses of Kingdom Plantae by Eric Moody If you�ve been looking for a reason to make fun of moss, look no further than sodium nitrate. Back in the good old days of the Hoover administration we figured out that these pathetic bryophytes were killed by this simple compound. Sure, it causes gastroenteritis or abdominal pains if swallowed by humans, but we can tough it out. Mosses on the other hand, can�t handle sodium nitrate. It is impossible to overestimate the importance of this finding. Sodium nitrate, commonly known as saltpeter, is a key ingredient in developing gunpowder, rocket propellants, and food preservative in hot dogs. A society without guns, rockets, and hot dogs is doomed from the beginning, and that�s just what mosses have to deal with. Just think about what your average Saturday is like. After spending a few hours with the boy at the shooting range, you like to go back home and make the wife cook you some hot dogs. After dinner, there�s no better way to finish off the night than blowing up New York Yankees memorabilia. Mosses probably spend their Saturdays producing haploid spores that will then germinate to form a protonema. I don�t know what a protonema is but it sounds pretty boring. In conclusion, the fact that mosses are killed by one of the most fundamental natural resources of our era is clearly hampering their development as a taxonomical clade. At this rate, they�ll never catch up to the lycophytes, and those don�t |
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