THE STORY GOES ON…

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer ~ They would have been mine apart from the fact Joss thought of them all first. Damn. ‘The Story Goes On’ is the title of a song from a musical, except I can’t remember which one or who wrote it, oops!

 

                Buffy smoothed down the skirt of her burgundy velvet dress nervously. She had made a lot of effort with her appearance tonight. She had wanted to look good, but not too good. Her aim was to achieve a quiet elegance that would show her to be someone of taste and style but not attract too much attention towards her. Angel had helped her with this. His dress sense was as impeccable when choosing her clothing as it was when selecting his own.  He had picked out the dress for her and she had initially been surprised by his choice. It was not something she would have worn normally. The gown reached all the way to the floor and the fabric was heavy. So heavy in fact that she feared the thin beaded straps holding the dress up would snap under its weight. But it felt wonderful on. Angel had been right, she mused. Traditional materials are so much more sensual that any of the man-made fibres available nowadays.

 

                Buffy smiled at the thought of Angel’s reaction when he had first seen her in the dress. He had said he couldn’t keep his hands off her and had then gone on to prove the point. She scolded herself internally. She always let her mind stray on to insignificant matters when she was supposed to be concentrating on something she didn’t want to face. It was amazing how she could retain so much focus when fighting all the various demons of the world, but when it came to awkward social situations she could think of anything but the matter in hand. The awkward situation she was so reluctant to face this evening was actually a party hosted by Cordelia and her husband John, in celebration of the imminent release of a new film John had written the script for.

 

                Parties never normally made Buffy nervous, indeed she generally enjoyed them. Well, those she had experienced that hadn’t been crashed by evil demons trying to kill all the guests, anyway. But tonight she was concerned about making a good impression with Cordelia. The other woman’s reaction to Buffy joining the team at Angel Investigations a few months earlier had been frosty to say the least. Buffy and Cordelia had never been best of friends, but ever since Cordy had become so protective over Angel she had come to resent Buffy for all the hurt she had caused Angel throughout the time they had known each other. Now, though, slowly but surely Cordelia was becoming to accept Buffy’s new role in Angel’s life and had seen how happy the two lovers were together. Her feelings towards Buffy had begun to soften and the tentative basis for a friendship was beginning to emerge. However, things were still very strained between the two of them and Buffy wanted to make a good impression upon all of the guests at the party, because she knew how highly Cordelia valued this sort of thing. Buffy being rated highly amongst Cordelia’s celebrity acquaintances could cement their friendship permanently. But, if Buffy made a negative impression then she my never make it back into Cordelia’s good books again.

 

                She looked over to where Angel was walking next to her and smiled as love filled her heart at the sight of him. She took his hand in hers and entwined their fingers together tightly. She was doing it all for him, she knew. Cordelia was his close friend, so close that she considered herself to be his family; Buffy had been surprised to discover. If it was important to Angel that she and Cordelia got along, then it was important to her and she would just have to keep making to effort until it happened. Well maybe it’s not all for Angel, she reconsidered. She had actually begun to quite like Cordelia; she was nowhere near as superficial or self-centred as when Buffy had known her and her straight talking, no nonsense attitude was refreshing. Buffy now found herself actually wanting to become good friends with Cordelia, after all it was not as though she knew many more people in LA and quarrels with work colleagues would only make the atmosphere at AI awkward and unpleasant. This was the last thing she wanted.

 

She loved her new job at Angel Investigations. Firstly, she got to work with her lover. After so many years apart from Angel she thrived on their constant contact. They had been several months like this now and she was still not tired of it, neither did she envisage wanting any time apart from him ever again. Secondly, she was doing what she was made to do – slay. Despite her release from her sacred duty she still felt slaying was her purpose in life and the fact that she was very nearly forced into giving it all up only made her appreciate how big a part of her life it was. It was also nice to feel part of a team again. Ever since college had ended and the members of the ‘Scooby gang’ had gone their separate ways - Willow to Boston to pursue her career, Xander fleeing town in emotional turmoil over a rough break-up with Anya – Buffy had worked alone. Giles had helped her along the way, with research, because she still didn’t have the patience to do it herself, but apart from that she had been totally isolated in her slaying. Now it was nice to have people to share the experience with. People who understood what she was going through and who were there to back her up if she got into trouble.

 

Buffy was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of a polite, yet emotionless and unfamiliar voice. Angel squeezed her hand to further focus her attention. She looked up and realised that they had reached the entrance to Cordelia and John’s home. One of the staff the couple had hired for the party was asking to see their invitation before letting Buffy and Angel into the house. Buffy fumbled inside her bag and drew out the stiff piece of card with the gold lettering that Cordelia had sent her in the post the previous week. As she handed it over her heart swelled with pride. The invitation was addressed to ‘Angel and Buffy’. It was the first piece of mail they had ever received addressed to both of them. It was a proper acknowledgement that they were a couple. They weren’t just dating, or having an affair or a whirlwind romance, anymore. They were a proper, real world, official, committed couple. It was all she’d ever hoped for and dreamed of. She was slightly upset, therefore, when the doorman ushered her and Angel inside without returning the invitation. She was about to demand it back when she felt Angel’s strong arm slip around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She forgot the invitation instantly knowing it was only one of many indications of her stable relationship with Angel.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

 Cordelia surveyed her guests happily. She never felt more in her element as when acting hostess to a large party. John had been horrified at the expense she had lavished upon the evening’s gathering, but in the end he had given into her and agreed it was money well spent and it was not as though they couldn’t afford it. Cordy would never understand her husband’s reservations over making the most of their wealth and status in LA society. After all hosting such elaborate events would only serve to improve John’s career. He could meet with directors and producers and pitch new script ideas to them. Everyone knew that in Hollywood more business was done over champagne and cocktails than would ever be done in a boardroom. But John possessed neither the aptitude nor the inclination to schmooze the executives. He was only interested in the writing he was so talented at. Cordelia sighed at the sight of John in the corner talking to Gunn and Faith. It’s a good thing he’s got me, then, isn’t it? She thought.

 

As she strode over to ‘encourage’ her somewhat less than gregarious husband to mingle with the guests, she mentally critiqued Faith’s outfit. Faith’s return to fighting evil, as opposed to being it, had had no discernable effect on her taste in clothes. Cordelia was disappointed to notice. The brunette slayer still dressed like a slut, even though nowadays she behaved much less like one. Faith’s black dress was short, tight and very low cut and she had teamed it with knee high leather boots. Gunn had one arm draped possessively around his girlfriend’s shoulders, which was not surprising considering the amount of attention she was getting from the other men in the room. Not from John, though, Cordy registered with satisfaction.

 

“Sweetie,” she touched her husbands arm affectionately. “Why don’t you come and talk to the other guests.”

 

“Because, I’m talking to Faith and Gunn.” Came the good natured reply.

 

“You can talk to them anytime.” Cordelia said dismissively. “But what other opportunity do you get to meet with six different movie producers all in the space of an evening?”

 

“I’d go if I were you, man.” Gunn chuckled at the other man’s plight. “Resistance is futile.”

 

“He learnt that one from me.” Faith added suggestively.

 

Cordelia dragged John of into the midst of the guests, leaving Faith and Gunn alone. They were not that way for long, though, as Buffy and Angel soon walked into the room and came over to join them.

 

“Nice dress, B.” Faith informed Buffy. “Not what I would have chosen, but I suppose it suits you.”

 

“I could say the same about your outfit.” Buffy countered.

 

The two women grinned at each other. Within a week of Buffy joining AI they had, at Angel’s instigation, sat down and had a long conversation with each other. Faith had apologised for her past behaviour and Buffy finally recognised her apologies as genuine and accepted them. Buffy even offered a few apologies of her own for being unwilling to offer Faith a second chance, not just after Angel had, but earlier when Faith had first started to go off the rails. Buffy realised now that she had been too concerned with how events affected her and had not considered Faith’s point of view. She should have worked harder to halt Faith’s initial downward spiral, after the death of the deputy-mayor, if she had done so then a lot of heartache could have been avoided.

 

Faith had been amazed and humbled by Buffy’s understanding reaction, at which point Buffy explained that it was not just Faith who had changed in the intervening years since they had seen each other last. Buffy was now ashamed of the way she had behaved with many people in the past and felt particularly bad over the way she had treated Angel when he had tried to help Faith. She had thought she knew everything, that because she was the slayer she was somehow more important than others around her. She now recognised this behaviour as naïve and childish. Buffy was determined that her future actions should display the maturity she had begun to see in herself. And this meant starting over a new leaf with Faith. They would not speak of what had gone before ever again.

 

So, far they had kept this promise. Things had been awkward to begin with. Faith had tried to avoid Buffy as much as possible and still felt uncomfortable in her presence. But Buffy recognised this behaviour as guilt and simply ignored it. She made an effort to talk to Faith and went out patrolling with her each night. The other slayer had soon relaxed around Buffy and they actually began to consider themselves friends again. Buffy could never forget Faith’s actions but she had learnt to forgive and that was all that mattered.

 

Seeing the two slayers beginning to get along again, Angel had confessed to Buffy how he had nearly embarked upon a relationship with Faith. Buffy was shocked at first, then hurt, then jealous. But these feelings soon melted away when Angel explained that he could never have been with Faith, because he never stopped loving Buffy. She could also not be angry with him over this revelation for her own very personal reasons. She had been in a similar position with Spike, he had loved her – or as close as a soulless vampire could get to love – and she had been tempted. Not because she had any romantic desires towards Spike, but because she wanted the companionship, wanted to be with someone in order to keep away the loneliness. However, in her heart of hearts she knew this would never have worked. Being in a loveless relationship was the loneliest place in the world.

 

“You want a drink?” Angel’s voice cut through Buffy’s reverie. She smiled up at him and thought, for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, how lucky she was. She nodded and Angel swept away from her side to fetch them both some champagne, moving as silently and swiftly as only a master vampire such as himself knew how to.

 

Faith trotted after him muttering something about needing alcohol to get through one of Cordelia’s mind-numbingly boring parties.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Cordelia’s sharp eyes spotted George Puccini across the room. He was the owner of one Hollywood’s hottest, up-and-coming movie studios. In other words, the perfect person to commission one of John’s latest scripts. She linked arms with her husband and frog-marched him over to talk to Puccini, who was currently deep in conversation with a tall blonde man that Cordy had never seen before and couldn’t recall inviting, so assumed was unimportant enough to interrupt.

 

                “George, darling!” She gushed and kissed the air to either side of his cheeks. “How are you enjoying the party?”

 

                “It’s sublime, dear.” Puccini replied. “But then your parties always are.” Cordelia beamed appreciatively, as her guest shook hands with John.

 

                “I agree.” The sandy haired man with Puccini spoke up and Cordy turned, pretending to notice him for the first time. “I don’t think we’ve met.” He continued. “I came as Diana Palmer’s date.”

 

                Cordelia vaguely remembered inviting the lesser celebrity because she was currently the star of one of George’s new films. So, that’s how they must know each other, she thought.

 

                “Yes, this is Captain Finn.” Puccini made the introductions.

 

                “Riley, please.” The man winced at the formality.

 

                “Riley has been helping us with background research into life in the army for the studio’s latest project. He has extensive experience in the special forces.” Puccini continued enthusiastically and Cordy smiled politely.

 

                “I’m a public relations officer with the military now.” Riley explained. “Which why I get to come to these wonderful parties hosted by good people like you. Of course, it’s not just glamorous socialising. There is work involved as well.”

 

                “Public relations officer?” Cordelia remarked. “Don’t you army guys have to keep things, like a big secret?”

 

                “Yes, of course. All details of army manoeuvres are classified.” Riley looked uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “But, the army is changing. We’re a lot more answerable to the public nowadays. And it’s my job to project a positive image of the military and make it seem more accessible and less hostile to people.”

 

                “So, you’re the army’s poster boy?” Cordy asked bluntly. Riley looked embarrassed and John groaned internally at his wife’s insensitivity.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Buffy stood awkwardly with Gunn. It was strange, but out of all the team at AI he seemed to have taken her joining the business the hardest. Sure things had been difficult with Cordelia and Faith because of Buffy’s past history with the two other women, but at least they had respected her abilities and acknowledged she was a valuable addition to the team. And Wesley had been thrilled to have her on board. He had relaxed considerably since he was her watcher and now fully appreciated her unconventional, yet highly effective, approach to slaying. Gunn, however, seemed to resent her presence and wouldn’t trust her to back him up in a fight. Angel had threatened to speak to him about his hostile attitude towards Buffy, but she had begged him not to, not wanting to upset things further.

 

She had a feeling that Gunn’s resentment stemmed from jealousy. He had become accustomed to being Angel’s right hand man; his most relied upon fighter. Now Buffy had swept in and taken his place as Angel’s favourite. She had encountered a similar problem with Forrest when she was dating Riley, so she recognised all the signs. This had not been an issue when Faith started working with Angel, because initially the responsibilities she was given were few, because of fears of her losing control again. Then later, when she was more stable and trusted, she and Gunn had begun dating. Buffy was sure that if she let Gunn get used to her presence and her importance in Angel’s life then relations between them would gradually improve. Unfortunately, there were no signs of this happening in the near future, as Gunn muttered his excuses in a low voice and walked away from her, leaving Buffy on her own.

 

Wesley soon spotted her lone figure, however, and he hurried over to talk to her. He was dressed formally in a full tuxedo and Buffy smiled.

 

“Going for the James Bond look are you Wes?” She teased.

 

“Well, one should really make an effort for this type of occasion.” He looked pleased with himself.

 

“What happened to your date?” She asked. Wesley had spent the whole week boasting to the office about the beautiful redhead he would be bringing to the party.

 

He blushed. “It, um, turned out, um, that she couldn’t make it after all. Her mother was ill, I believe.” He looked flustered. “Speaking of which, where’s Angel?”

 

“Oh, he went to get us drinks.” Buffy looked around. “He should be back by now.”

 

“Well, in the meantime, I saw John and Cordelia over there, why don’t we go and speak to them. Pay our respects to the hosts and that sort of thing.” Wesley took her arm and led her across the room.

 

Buffy was too busy scanning the crowd for Angel that she didn’t notice the man was talking with until she had reached them. Wesley started to make polite conversation with John and Buffy felt her jaw drop as Riley looked over and their eyes met, she realised the astonished expression on his face must be mirrored on her own.

 

“Buffy!” Riley uttered the only word that came to his mind.

 

“Hi.” She managed lamely, extraditing herself from Wesley’s grasp.

 

“You two know each other?” The Englishman asked.

 

“Yeah,” Buffy told him. “We, uh, used to date in college.”

 

“Oh my God!” The penny had dropped for Cordelia. “So, you’re that Riley. Oh!” She positioned herself between George Puccini and John and not very tactfully ushered them away. “Why don’t we go and get something to eat? There’s a buffet table laid out in the dining room. You too Wesley.” She finished pointedly.

Buffy faced Riley nervously. Cordelia’s exit had been quite diplomatic, for her anyway, but it left an awkward silence behind it.

 

“So, how’ve you been?” She asked.

 

“Fine. Good. Uh, I’m still in the army.”

 

“Good, that’s good.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“Me?” Buffy looked confused.

 

“How have you been?” Riley elaborated.

 

“Oh, good. Great you know.”

 

“Yeah, you look it.” His eyes travelled down her body. “I mean you look beautiful tonight.”

 

“Thanks.” She felt uncomfortable at the compliment.

 

“So, are you seeing anyone?” He asked an edge of hope to his voice.

 

“Don’t do this Riley.” Buffy began to get angry with him.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Ask me if I’m seeing anyone, because the next question is would I come for a drink with you, then dinner or the movies. And I don’t want to do any of those things.” She told him harshly. “I don’t want to make nice with you. That’s not going to happen.”

 

“What is going to happen?” Riley asked.

 

“That all depends on you.” Angel walked up behind Buffy and spoke in a low voice. He handed Buffy a glass of champagne, but his eyes never left Riley.

 

“What’s he doing here?” The soldier hissed at Buffy.

 

“I was enjoying a civilised gathering with my friends and my girlfriend.” Angel pointedly wrapped a protective arm around Buffy’s waist. “And if you have a problem with that I suggest you leave.”

 

“How could you get back together with him? After all he put you through?” Riley stared incredulously at Buffy.

 

She sensed Angel’s body tense against hers and took hold of his hand gently, to calm and reassure him. She also noticed other guests nearby starting to glance in their direction, reacting to the tension emanating from their group. “Maybe we should go outside.” Buffy suggested, still mindful of upsetting Cordelia.

 

They went out onto the terrace, Angel keeping a tight hold on Buffy’s hand all the way. When away from the other guests, though, Buffy turned to Angel and spoke softly.

 

“I think I should talk to him alone.” She fixed Angel’s gaze and saw the reluctance in his eyes. “I’ll be OK. I love you.” She whispered, in an effort to dispel any insecurity Angel may have been feeling when in the company of her former lover.

 

He nodded. “I’ll be just inside.” He backed away from her, raising her hand to his lips and kissing it lightly before he left, acting every inch the eighteenth century gentleman he once was. Shame he had to spoil the effect by glaring threateningly at Riley whilst he did it, Buffy thought.

 

“Well?” Riley asked.

 

“Well, what?” Buffy turned to him angrily.

 

“What are you doing with him?” Riley sneered. “And at a party as well. I thought he wasn’t supposed to get on well with people. Or did he just come for the free lunch?”

 

“That’s enough Riley!” Buffy struggled to keep from shouting at him and her voice shook with anger. “Angel doesn’t hurt people anymore.”

 

“He hurt you didn’t he?”

 

Buffy sighed. “And I hurt him as well. Everything Angel’s done in the past I’ve forgiven him for, we’re trying to make a new start and I would be grateful if you’d keep out of things. It’s been painful enough seeing you already. Now I’m going to leave – with Angel - and I’d rather we both just forgot about meeting altogether.”

 

“Why?” Riley asked quietly.

 

“Why what?” Buffy was confused.

 

“Why could you forgive him and not me? Because from your attitude I’m assuming you’re still angry with me over what happened.”

 

She took in the pained look in Riley’s eyes and her hostility faded a little. “You left me.” She stated flatly.

 

“So did Angel.” He replied. “And yet you don’t seem to resent him the way you resent me.”

 

“I expected more from you.” Buffy told him bluntly. He looked puzzled by her statement, so she carried on. “Every relationship is different, Riley. With Angel it was intense, passionate, all consuming.” Her eyes gained a far away look then snapped back to focus on Riley. “He never promised commitment or stability, because it was something he couldn’t give and I knew that. But it was worth it all. Worth all the risk, all the pain – just to experience the moment. You were different. You were supposed to be my security, my safety net. Someone I could rely on not to disappear into the night.” Her voice was heavy with irony. “And then what do you do?  Disappear into the night. You betrayed me far more than Angel ever did, because he never intentionally set out to hurt me.”

 

“I never…” Riley started but his protests faded away. There was nothing he could say to Buffy now to put right the past. He hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

She shook her head. “Your apology means nothing to me, Riley, because now I’ve moved on. You know that commitment Angel couldn’t give me five years ago? Well now I think he can give it me and we’re happy.” Her eyes filled with tears and she looked at him pleadingly. “I’m actually happy for the first time in my life, Riley. Please do the right thing now. Just walk away, don’t ruin things for me.”

 

He was about to reply when the loud sound of smashing glass, coming from inside, interrupted their conversation.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Faith stared angrily at the broken remains of the bottle she had thrown against the wall in frustration. The green glass had been scattered over a wide area and the champagne left a dark, wet stain on Cordelia’s expensive wallpaper. She turned her attention away from the damage she had caused and back to Gunn, her eyes flashing with anger.

 

                “Don’t ever say you understand what I’m going through!” She yelled. “Because you don’t. You’ll never understand. You haven’t even got a clue.”

 

                “Then tell me.” He yelled back. “Stop shutting me out. I’m not fucking psychic you know! I can’t know what you’re feeling unless you talk to me.”

 

                “And why would I want to do that?” Faith asked him harshly. “Why would I want to have anything to do with you ever again?”

 

                “That’s about as much of a mystery as why I slept with you in the first place!”

 

                The colour visibly drained from Faith’s face as she processed this hurtful remark. She stepped towards Gunn and slapped him across the face, with all her slayer-enhanced strength. In the stunned silence of the room the snapping sound of his nose breaking under her palm was almost audible. Angry red blood dripped down his face and Faith stepped back, covering her mouth in horror at what she had done. She ran out of the room, astonished guests stepping aside to let her past.

 

                Buffy stepped into the room, she had heard the latter part of the argument from outside and now she witnessed the aftermath. Her eyes sought out Angel’s and in an unspoken agreement they both rushed after Faith.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Cordelia was mad. No, she was furious. How dare Faith ruin her party like this? She would now be the laughing stock of the whole of Hollywood. At least Buffy had possessed the good sense to take her argument outside. But then Faith’s never been the sensible one, Cordelia thought. The first stirrings of worry broke through her anger. She had seen Faith and Gunn fight before, but never like this, never with violence. Something must be seriously wrong. She surveyed the ruins of the party she had spent so much time and effort organising. Something better be seriously wrong, she thought. Faith and Gunn need a damn good excuse for what they did tonight.

 

                She grabbed hold of Wesley who was standing open-mouthed next to her and hissed at him to take Gunn to the Emergency Room to get his injuries seen to. In truth, Cordelia didn’t really care about Gunn being hurt she just wanted him out of there as quickly as possible. Wesley was about to object, on the grounds that he had been getting along very well with a certain blonde actress and was reluctant to leave her, but he took one look at Cordelia’s angry expression and complied meekly. Cordy then turned to one of the waiters circling with canapés, she snapped out orders for him to clean up the broken glass, then make sure everybody’s drinks were refreshed. She then fixed a beaming smile on her face and went to deal with the guests. She was used to adversity and if anyone could salvage this evening then it was her.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Buffy stood at the door of the training room in the office, apprehensively watching Angel and Faith spar. Faith had refused to speak a word to them about the incident at the party all the way back and when they had reached the office, where Faith had left her car, she had insisted that she wanted to get some training in rather than go straight home. Angel had been reluctant at first, but recognising the cathartic effect that fighting had for the slayer and not wanting to let her out on the streets before she had had the chance to vent her anger further, he agreed to spar with her. They had changed out of their formal clothes and were now engaged in hand-to-hand combat, whilst Buffy watched.

 

                Buffy was trying her best not to feel jealous at the sight of Angel and another woman focused so intently upon one another. She was failing miserably. She couldn’t help but be jealous. When she and Angel had been limited in how far they could take their relationship by his curse, sparring had been their release for the physical passion they had felt for one another. In other words it was like a substitute for sex between them. To see Angel engaging in the activity with someone else, even if she understood the reasons were entirely different, still upset her greatly.

 

                She was also filled with another emotion, one much more primal than jealousy. This was a protective instinct, enhanced in her because she was the slayer. Someone was fighting with, attacking her lover. It was all she could do not to rush in there and pull Faith away from Angel. She didn’t normally feel like this. She had witnessed Faith and Angel spar before and it hadn’t bothered her, but this time it was different. That element of control was missing. Before had always been a technical exercise. Faith testing out new fighting tactics and Angel offering criticism or praise where it was relevant. Now no words of censure or encouragement were being offered, there was no sound at all coming from the training room, save the occasional grunt when a blow connected with its target.

 

Buffy finally realised the reason she was so concerned with this particular fight. Since she had come to LA, she had witnessed a new and different Faith. One converted to a life of helping others and doing good, rather than committing evil. Tonight, though, Faith’s behaviour reminded her of the girl Buffy used to know, the one who had been so dangerous and out of control. It made Buffy’s blood run cold at the thought.            

 

Then suddenly it was over. Angel pinned Faith to the wall and instead of retaliating she simply went limp in his grasp and started to cry. Angel held her close to him and they sank to the floor together, Faith’s sobs muffled in his expansive chest. Buffy’s heart went out to the brunette. Faith’s life had been far from easy and now it seemed she had another problem to deal with. At least now she has us to support her, Buffy thought, determined not to let Faith down as she had in the past. She closed the door of the training room quietly behind her, leaving Faith to be comforted by Angel in private.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Faith stirred in Angel’s strong embrace, she had stopped crying now but was still reluctant to move. She felt so lost, so helpless. She didn’t know what she was going to do. She hadn’t felt this out of control for years. Not since…she shuddered at the memories of her previous self. But now it seemed the life she had built up for herself was slipping away again. She couldn’t believe she had lashed out at Gunn like that. She loved him, but now the love was so tangled with anger and pain that she couldn’t separate the tenderness she once felt from the hostility that was currently raging in her soul. She could feel the darkness encroaching again, so she clung to her one link to sanity, the one person who had looked into her heart and seen the light there, even when it was shining at its dimmest. Angel had saved her before. He would do it again now.

 

                Faith lifted her head from Angel’s chest. He looked down at her, concern filling his dark eyes. She was suddenly aware of her appearance. The tears had decimated her customary heavy eye make-up and her cheeks were now blotchy and mascara stained. She pulled away from Angel and turned her back on him, feeling ashamed.

 

                “God, what must you think of me.”

 

                “Certainly no less than I did an hour ago.” Angel answered matter of factly.

 

                “What must Buffy think of me?” Faith continued. “Crying all over her boyfriend.”

 

                “Buffy understands.”

 

                Faith looked up at him, though fresh tears. Suddenly it was clear to her. Buffy would understand. They both would. She couldn’t face this alone any longer. Look at the problems trying that had already caused. Besides, she thought, it’s not exactly like I could keep it a secret any longer; it would have had to come out sooner or later.

 

                “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong Faith.” Angel suggested gently.

 

                She nodded. “B should hear this as well, though.”

 

                Angel led her up to the apartment he shared with Buffy above the office and sat her down on the sofa. Buffy leapt up as soon as they entered, almost as if she had been expecting them to do so. Faith wouldn’t have been surprised if she had been expecting them. Buffy and Angel could anticipate one another’s actions with uncanny accuracy. Faith often envied the bond they shared. They were so attuned to each other’s thoughts and emotions, whilst Faith could never understand how Gunn’s mind worked. And how could he know the depths of her soul, when they were still such a mystery to herself.

 

She registered vaguely a blanket being placed around her shoulders, and glass of scotch being placed into her hand. She drank the alcohol down in one gulp. It burnt her mouth and throat and warmed her stomach as it reached there. But the warmth was only short-lived and she soon felt cold and empty again. Except I’m not, came the involuntary thought. Faith felt a body settle on the sofa beside her and Buffy’s hand entwined with hers in a silent gesture of support. She knew she was expected to begin.

 

“I-I…” She emitted a hollow laugh. “You’re not going to believe this.”

 

“I think there’s pretty much nothing that can surprise either of us any more.” Angel said, mindful of his long existence.

 

“Then I better just come out and say it, because there’s no easy way to break this to you.” Faith took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

 

There she’d said it. They knew. She’d expected to feel a weight lift from her or something. Like they said in all the books and the movies. She’d made her confession. Bared her soul. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. So, why didn’t she feel any better? Why weren’t they saying anything? She realised she had been holding her breath and exhaled loudly.

 

                “Well?” She demanded. “I expected some reaction at least.”

 

                “So, that’s what you were fighting with Gunn about.” Buffy tried to keep the shock she felt out of her voice.

 

                “Yeah,” she replied. “He doesn’t want a baby.”

 

                “What do you want?” Angel asked her softly.

 

                Faith looked down at her hands, studying her fingernails intently. “I don’t know what I want. That’s what the fight was about more than anything. I mean a baby. I’ve got a whole other life growing inside me. It’s incredible, but it’s scary.” She looked up at him with frightened eyes. “I can’t be a mother, Angel. I just can’t. Look at my life. I can’t subject a child to that.”

 

                “We’re here for you Faith, whatever you decide.” Buffy squeezed her hand.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Faith had started crying again, so Angel had put her to bed on the sofa, saying she’d feel better after some rest and that they’d talk about it more in the morning. Buffy lay in bed also, missing Angel’s substantial presence beside her. He’d gone to do some late night patrolling and also to check on the welfare of Gunn. Buffy knew Angel was more concerned for the emotional damage Faith had inflicted upon Gunn rather than the physical. But she also knew she would not be able to sleep until he returned, so she lay back on the pillows and began to mull over the events of the evening.

 

                Faith pregnant. She could hardly believe it. Faith was the last person Buffy would have expected to become a mother. But on the other hand, Buffy thought, maybe it was inevitable. Faith was not the most organised person Buffy knew; neither did she ever seem to have full control over the events in her life. And accidents did happen, so Buffy didn’t really understand why she found the whole situation so shocking. Maybe it was because having children was such an adult thing to do and that someone of her age was facing the situation made her feel old. Six months ago this would have been true, but she had since discovered Xander was the father to twins and that revelation had catapulted her into maturity much faster than the news of an accidental pregnancy ever could.

 

                Buffy was forced to admit to herself that she still held prejudices against Faith for the acts she had committed during her ‘unstable’ period. She was willing to accept Faith wanted to change her ways and admired her for the success she had had in doing so, but she didn’t trust her. A small part of Buffy still believed that if Faith were put under stress again the she would snap and return to her old ways. And what could be more stressful bringing a new life into the world? Even just finding out she was pregnant had taken its toll on Faith, as had been clearly demonstrated by her behaviour that night. What would happen if Faith had the baby and she couldn’t deal with the pressure? The baby would be crying, there would be further arguments with Gunn. Faith might go off the rails again, and then God knows what could happen.

 

                Buffy felt terribly guilty. She had only just found out Faith was pregnant an hour earlier and now she was inventing situations where Faith went psychotic again and killed the baby and possibly even Gunn. Buffy was supposed to be Faith’s friend, she had promised to be there for Faith and even thinking these thoughts was a betrayal of that promise. After all she believed that Angel had changed his ways and he had been evil for hundreds of years and had a demon inside of him constantly baying for blood. Why couldn’t Buffy believe that Faith could possess the strength to undergo the same transformation, when she was obviously less evil than Angel had ever been?

 

Buffy realised with a shock that Faith and Gunn must have been arguing about a similar issue. It was not that Gunn didn’t want kids; it was that he didn’t want Faith to have them because of what he feared it might do to her. Or at least this was how Faith must have perceived the situation. She must feel terribly alone and unloved right now, Buffy thought. She considered going to Faith to tell her she wasn’t alone that she had friends who believed in her and supported her. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, because Buffy knew that coming from her it would be a lie. She still resented Faith for the hurt she had caused Buffy during high school and college, which was why she couldn’t fully trust the other woman. She wanted to forgive, but wasn’t quite ready to yet. She hoped that she would be in time, especially if Faith decided to have the baby.

 

When presented with her own small-mindedness Buffy did as the vast majority of people do. Thought about something else. She cast her mind back to before Faith has disturbed the party and meeting Riley there. She felt bad about some of the things she had said to him. After all their break-up hadn’t been entirely his fault. The way she had treated him, she wasn’t really surprised he had left. Well, it certainly seems to be a night for self-flagellation and guilt, Buffy thought to herself. She reconsidered what she had said to Riley and felt a little more justified in saying it. When he saw her that evening, in that dress (Buffy now regretted wearing it, after all she didn’t get the opportunity to impress many of Cordelia’s friends with it), he’d got that look in his eyes. The puppy-dog one that Buffy had remembered from when they had been going out. From that moment on Buffy had know he was entertaining thoughts of them getting back together and that was the last thing she had wanted. She was with Angel now and she couldn’t let anything jeopardise that, they had already been through enough together. So, whilst she regretted being harsh to Riley, she knew it was worth it to get the message through to him that she wasn’t interested.

 

She closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted by the day’s events. She would apologise to Riley if she ever saw him again, but after what she had said tonight that was unlikely, so she shouldn’t really worry about it. Much more deserving of her worry was Faith, but there wasn’t anything she could do about that situation either. She drifted off to sleep, forgetting her vow that she would wait up for Angel to return.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Gunn sat sullenly in the waiting area of the Emergency Room, a bloody handkerchief still held to his nose. He had sent Wesley back to the party, wanting to be alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Faith for slapping him, he was more angry with himself for saying those things to her. More than anything now, he knew that he loved Faith. She was so vibrant and unpredictable; life with her was a roller coaster ride of emotions, not all of them good. But this didn’t bother Gunn. He knew he had to take the bad with the good - that was all part of loving her. He was also well aware of Faith’s darker side, indeed it was one to the things that attracted him to her. She was dangerous and that made things between them exciting. Being with her was like wrestling a tiger, the risk just made it even more exhilarating.

 

                But he had never expected her to get pregnant, to have his children. He had never really looked past the present with her. They had both seen so much death; they both knew how fragile and fleeting life could be, so they lived for the moment. They never stopped and planned for the future, because they knew their futures could be ripped away from them both without even a second’s notice. But, now life had shown them another of its features, one they had all but forgotten about. Its drive for continuance. Mother nature’s grand plan. The selfish gene. Life flourished even when surrounded by death. Even where it was not wanted.

 

                Gunn crushed this thought. It was not that he didn’t want a baby. In theory the idea sounded quite nice. He could marry Faith, they would set up home together, somewhere in the suburbs with a white picket fence, he and little Charles Junior would play ball on the front lawn. He almost laughed out loud at these thoughts; he had clearly been watching too many Disney movies. He knew there was no way things would ever turn out like that with Faith. He didn’t even know whether they could stand to live with each other, let alone what would happen if there was a baby in the equation.

 

There was no way he and Faith would make suitable parents. He couldn’t even manage to take care of his little sister when she had needed him, how was he supposed to cope with bringing up a child of his own. Then there was Faith to consider. Gunn couldn’t say that he knew her completely, she would always remain a mystery to him, but he was pretty sure that she had no maternal instincts to speak of. And the dark side to her, that Gunn found so attractive in a girlfriend was not exactly a trait he would want to see in the mother of his children. He felt so confused. And guilty. He had pretty much voiced all these reservations to Faith, without thinking how they would affect her. That she had lost her temper and hit him, Gunn wasn’t really surprised. The question was, though, what was he going to do about it now?

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Buffy awoke with her head resting on Angel’s chest; she checked her watch it was nearly noon. He was still sleeping. He had not got back until just before sunrise that morning. A whispered conversation with Buffy upon his return had revealed that he’d given Gunn a ride home from the hospital, but that the other man had refused to talk about his problems to Angel, insisting only that he needed time to think and that Angel should pass on his apologies to Faith. Then Angel had gone patrolling and taken out a nest of vampires. He was exhausted by the end of the night and Buffy was careful not to wake him as she climbed out of bed. She pulled on a robe and went in search of some breakfast.

 

                Faith sat in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in hand, staring into space. Buffy tried to look cheerful.

 

                “There any coffee left in the pot?” She asked Faith brightly. The other woman simply nodded and Buffy helped herself. “Have you had any breakfast?” Buffy decided to play the hostess, even though she knew that the whole of the team from AI were in and out of Angel’s apartment all the time and were perfectly capable of helping themselves to whatever food or drink was in there.

 

                “Not hungry.” Faith muttered.

 

                Well, at least I got two words out of her, Buffy thought. That’s got to be a start. She inserted a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and sat down at the table with Faith, whilst she waited for them to brown.

 

                “Angel spoke to Gunn last night.” Buffy decided to dispense with small talk and launch straight into the awkward topic. There was still no response from Faith. “He said to apologise to you for some of the things he said and that he needs time to think. You probably both do.”

 

                Faith looked up at Buffy and was about to reply when she was interrupted by a knock on the front door. Faith’s eyes dropped back to the table immediately and Buffy internally cursed whoever it was at the door. This caused her to wonder whom it actually could be. Visitors had to come through the office first, which stopped them from getting the usual door-to-door sales reps, any of Angel’s staff would just walk in without knocking and for clients or other people of importance, Cordelia would call Angel or Buffy down. Hence, very few people knocked on the door.

 

                Curious she rushed over to open it, wanting to silence the visitor before they knocked again and disturbed Angel. She was amazed to see Riley standing there, an apologetic smile in his face.

 

                “Hi,” he began, then noticed she was only wearing a robe. “I’m sorry did I come at a bad time?” He looked embarrassed.

 

                “No.” Buffy told him. “I’m just getting up.” He looked at his watch and she answered his unspoken question. “When you live with a vampire, you tend to stay up a lot of nights.”

 

                “Oh, I guess I should have realised that.” He paused. “Can we talk?”

 

                Buffy sighed. She remembered her resolution to apologise to him. She would do that then throw him out. If Angel woke up and found Riley here he would freak. “Listen, Riley, I’m sorry for some of the things I said last night. I was harsh. It was uncalled for. But, I’m still with Angel now and whatever you want to say to me isn’t going to change that.” Right speech over, she could get rid of him now. She already had way too much to deal with today.

 

                Riley had other ideas, though. “I accept that you’re with Angel.” He tried to catch her eye. “I haven’t come here to ruin your life like you asked me not to last night. But I can’t just walk away and pretend I haven’t seen you. You were the love of my life Buffy.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he didn’t give her the opportunity. “And I know that you never felt the same way about me.” She looked away. “But, you will always be someone very special to me and I don’t want to lose that. I came to ask you if we could be friends.”

 

                Buffy realised that his words were genuine. “Alright. We can talk. Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Riley walked back downstairs and faced the intimidating spectre of the brunette on the front desk again. He still couldn’t believe that this was the same Hollywood socialite whose party he had attended the night before. John Carmichael’s wife working for a vampire, he shook his head in amazement. No wonder the plot of the guy’s last film had sounded so familiar. She fixed him with sharp eyes.

 

                “Uh, Buffy said I should wait for her down here?” He told the brunette.

 

                “You can go sit in Angel’s office.” She indicated towards an open door with a wave of her hand, then went back to filing her nails.

 

                Riley was about to mutter ‘thanks’, but Cordelia’s complete lack of interest in anything further he had to say stopped him and he walked into the office and sat down on one of the chairs in front of the desk. While he was waiting he idly examined the items strewn over the desk. There were several sheets of paper covered in a large, flowing script. This must be Angel’s handwriting, he realised. It was exactly what he would have expected from someone taught to write in the eighteenth century, it was in perfect copperplate style and Riley could almost imagine it being written in a quill pen. His fantasy was dashed, however, when instead of an ink pot on Angel’s desk all he could see was a container of biros. There were also several books open on Angel’s desk, all at least 100 years old. He examined the titles of them; impressed to notice that one was in French and another was in some language he didn’t recognise but assumed to be Gaelic.

 

He picked up one of the books and saw, concealed underneath it, a pencil sketch. It was a perfectly executed drawing of Buffy. In the picture she was deep in thought, her eyes held a far away look and a faint smile played at her lips. He was stunned by how beautiful she looked in the drawing. A noise from the doorway startled him and he looked up to see Buffy standing there. She was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt and her face wore the same tiny smile. He covered the drawing back up quickly and grinned sheepishly at Buffy.

 

“I was going to catch up on my reading.” He patted one of the books. “But I can’t seem to find a single text I can understand.”

 

“Angel speaks a lot of different languages. I think even he forgets how many sometimes.” Buffy answered absentmindedly. She moved to sit in a chair next to Riley and he noticed how she kept the seat behind the desk free. “So, what did you want to talk about?” She asked him.

 

“Oh, nothing in particular.” Riley was suddenly stumped. “I mean I said the important stuff, right? About wanting to be your friend and accepting your relationship with Angel.”

 

“Do you really?” She looked searchingly at him, demanding an honest answer. “Accept that I’m with Angel now. Because, I don’t want to sound harsh, but you always had a problem with Angel and I don’t want you thinking that if you became friends with me you could somehow split us up.”

 

Riley thought carefully. He hadn’t really considered his motives for coming here. He had just known he had to see Buffy again. He hadn’t cared that she was with someone else; he simply wanted to be a part of her life again. Maybe deep down he had thought he could somehow win her back. But actually seeing her here, in Angel’s home, in his office, he realised what a huge part of her life the vampire was. He was her employer, her lover, her best friend. He was the centre of her world in a way that Riley never was and never could have been. And judging from the sketch on Angel’s desk he felt the same way about her. The picture had been drawn with such love and care; it captured exactly the essence of Buffy’s soul. Suddenly Riley felt he had never even known the girl he had felt so intimate with five years ago.

 

“I don’t want to split you two up Buffy.” He told her and it was almost the truth. “Maybe I was too quick to judge Angel.” The words came out with difficulty. Riley hated admitting he was wrong, especially when it was over something he had felt so strongly about for so long. “Back then everything was black and white. Vampires bad. People good. I couldn’t see the shades of grey. I wasn’t prepared to accept that there might be good in a creature that had been evil for so long.”

 

“And you are now?” Buffy was sceptical.

 

“I don’t know.” Riley answered honestly. “All I do know is that you taught me to question, not just to accept. Through you I learnt to see the shades of grey. I trust your judgement, Buffy, and if you love Angel then he can’t be that bad.”

 

Buffy smiled and his heart leapt. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed that smile until he was presented with it again after all these years. “He’s not.” She said softly. “He’s wonderful. You should come back upstairs and talk to him. I’d really like it if you two could get on.” She got up then seemed to remember something. “On second thoughts, I’ll get him to come down. I don’t want to upset Faith.”

 

“Faith?” Riley was confused. “As in criminally insane Faith, who swapped bodies with you when we were in college? The one you hate?”

 

Buffy bit her lip. “It’s kind of a long story.” Riley grimaced, it always was. “But the upshot of it is,” Buffy continued. “Faith’s changed her ways. She works for Angel now and we’re sort of friends again. Anyway, she’s going through a major personal crisis and she’s staying with us for a while.”

 

Riley shook his head. Maybe he was glad he wasn’t a part of Buffy’s life anymore, the whole thing was so complicated he didn’t think he’d be able to keep up.

 

Buffy stuck her head out of the office door. “Cordy,” she called. “Can you give Angel a shout, tell him to come down here.”

 

The brunette lazily raised one eyebrow. “Sure, but you might want to wait until he’s had his breakfast first. You don’t want him snacking on your guest.”

 

Riley smiled weakly at the obvious joke, but got worried nonetheless. What exactly was he letting himself in for?

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Faith stood in the shower, tilting her face up to capture the warm spray. It mingled with her hot tears and washed them away. Angel had been woken earlier, by Buffy’s movement about the apartment and had got up to talk to her. He reassured her that he believed in her, he knew that whatever decision she made it would be the correct one for her and whatever happened she could always turn to him for support. She’d looked into his eyes and seen that he meant every word, but she wished she could believe him. She wished she could find the strength in herself to deal with this situation. Angel told her again and again that she was strong, but she wasn’t, not really. She just pretended to be. She pretended that nothing bothered her, that she didn’t care. And she got away with it, because nobody else cared about her, so they let her be, let her destroy her life. But now people did care, and she was going to let them all down, except this time it wasn’t just her own life she would be destroying.

 

                “Gunn loves you.” Angel had told her. Faith was confused. She loved him. For so long she had thought herself incapable of love, then Angel had come along. He had taught her how to open her heart and let people in. Angel had been her rock, her support, but Gunn was her fire and her light in the darkness. Faith never did anything by halves, when she had fallen in love with Gunn she had done it completely, with her entire being. Her body, her soul and her spirit they were all his. Their relationship would never be smooth or quiet; they fought like cat and dog. They would shout and scream at each other until they were both exhausted then they would fall asleep in each other’s arms. For them love and hate were two sides of the same coin, they could not have one without the other. And the anger she felt when they fought only stemmed from the passion that existed between them.

 

                The heartache, though, that was new. She hadn’t felt this lost and alone since she had awoken out of her coma and came to LA. Then she truly had been alone, she had alienated everyone she had once felt privileged to call her friends and had hurt them in ways it was still painful to contemplate now. And you’re gonna do it again honey, if you don’t get your act together, Faith’s conscience spoke to her. She looked down at her body, the one that would change so much in the next few months if she chose to let it. Suddenly, something clicked. That was the key. She had a choice in this. It was the same as it had been six years ago. She had the power to choose the outcome of this situation. Last time the choice had been between good and evil, now it was a lot less sinister but equally life altering. The important thing was taking control, she couldn’t let events just drag her down with them, as she had done so before. And this time she wasn’t alone. This time she had friends to rely on. Angel at least had promised he would be strong for her. Last time she had got through it with only him standing by her side and now there was Gunn as well.

 

                Faith turned off the shower. The tears had stopped of their own accord now; she didn’t need the water to hide them anymore. She knew only one thing, that she was back in charge of her future. The fear that had come when she had found out about her pregnancy had mainly stemmed from the loss of her control. Her body was no longer her own anymore. It had begun to do and feel things completely alien to her. Now she had resolved to take that control back, she didn’t feel as frightened anymore. She wasn’t any closer to making a decision. That would come later, after she had discussed things further with Gunn. At least now, though, she appreciated the decision was hers to make.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Angel was concerned. He sat alone in his office, pretending to read a book. His eyes focused on the pages but his mind was somewhere else entirely. Buffy had gone for a run, saying she needed the exercise and the time to clear her mind. Three guesses what she’s going to be thinking about, Angel muttered to himself darkly. His meeting with Riley that afternoon had gone as well as could be expected. Buffy’s ex-lover had been much politer to him that he had imagined Riley was capable of and in return Angel had tried to be gracious. But the meeting had still been stilted and awkward. And Angel had felt terrible afterwards.

 

                The whole time he, Buffy and Riley had been in the office together Buffy had made her affections towards Angel clear. She had sat in his lap, or held his hand. It had been so they were in almost constant physical contact. But even though they were touching physically Angel still felt distanced from Buffy whilst she was talking to Riley. They had begun to discuss college and swapped stories they remembered from that time. Buffy’s eyes had lit up when they talked of Willow, as she fondly remembered her lost friend. And all the time Angel felt himself drifting further and further away from Buffy. She never talked about the past with him, their past was too painful to remember and Buffy didn’t want to share happy memories of sunlight and friendship with Angel, for fear of upsetting him over the things he’d never have. She didn’t realise that it didn’t matter to him that he couldn’t go out into the sun, she was his light, and experiencing these things vicariously through her was enough for him. But now she didn’t even the chance to do these things. Angel was keeping her in the dark with him. It shouldn’t be this way, he thought. He’d let his selfishness get in the way of what was best for Buffy, again.

 

                There was another thing that haunted him. The look on Buffy’s face when she had found out Faith was pregnant. It had been one of utter heartbreak. She had hidden it quickly, though, rapidly returning her features to their previous impassive state, but Angel had seen it and he knew what it meant. Buffy wanted children. It was perfectly natural for her to do so; after all it was every woman’s purpose on this earth to bring forth the next generation. But it was another thing that Angel couldn’t give her and he hated to think of her missing out on anything that she wanted because of him. Angel closed his eyes tightly. He didn’t want to lose her; he loved her more now than he ever had. But the pain of seeing Buffy unhappy would far outweigh any pain he would feel due to not being with her.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Faith knocked nervously on the door to Gunn’s apartment. She had a key and normally she would just let herself in, but today she didn’t even know what normal was anymore. She felt like everything had changed. Maybe because it has, she thought. She waited. There was no response. She considered knocking again, but then her resolve gave out. She turned away to leave, just as the door opened.

 

                Faith whirled around. Gunn stood before her looking dishevelled and demoralised. His nose was bandaged up, the white dressings looking even more shocking in contrast with his dark skin. One eye was bloodshot and a large bruise spread across his left cheek. He hadn’t shaved and from the looks of the dark circles underneath his eyes, neither had he slept. Upon seeing his injuries Faith could almost physically feel the wave of guilt hitting her.

 

                “Shit!” She exclaimed. “I’m so sorry.”

 

                Gunn took her into his arms and she let him. “So am I.” He murmured into her hair.

 

                They stood like that for a long time. Each being the other’s support. Knowing that whatever crises may befall them, as long as they were together they could get through it.

 

                Eventually they broke apart. “So, I guess this is where we have to do the talking thing.” Faith said awkwardly.

 

                “Yeah, with the emphasis on the talking bit rather than the yelling and screaming bit.” Gunn managed a weak grin.

 

                “Ah, but that’s what I’m best at.” Faith tried to joke in return, but it fell a little flat. “So, who’s gonna start?” She asked.

 

                “Me, I suppose.” Gunn took hold of her hand. “I love you, Faith. And I’m sorry about those things I said. I didn’t mean to imply you’d be an unfit mother, it just kinda came out.” He grimaced. “Probably because I’m an ass.”

 

                “No, you’re right.” Faith felt tears pricking her eyes again and blinked them back. “I probably would be an unfit mother. I wouldn’t have a clue even where to begin.”

 

                “Well, I guess that makes two of us.” Gunn jumped in. “I have about as much idea about being a father as you have about being a mother. But I do know one thing. You are strong. We’re strong together. We can deal with this Faith, just as long as you don’t run away from me.”

 

                “I’m not going to.” She looked up into his eyes. “It’s just that I’m scared about what’s going to happen to me. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to love this thing, let alone give it the life it deserves.”

 

                “But you want to find out, right?” Gunn held her gaze.

 

                Faith searched her heart for the answer to this question. She had pretended to be unsure, but maybe she had known all along, she was just hiding her real feelings behind self-doubt. She nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                Buffy finished showering after her run and went in search of Angel. What with all of the recent goings on, Faith’s revelations and Riley’s visit, she had hardly had a chance to spend any time alone with him. But now, with no business to attend to and patrolling suspended for the evening due to the Faith/Gunn crisis, she could devote all of her attention to Angel. She found him in his office working on some new sketches. He always did this when he was thinking. Buffy leant over the page to take a peek at what he was drawing but he covered the sketch up, feigning modesty. She kissed him lightly on the forehead, then more forcefully on the lips, laughter dancing in her eyes.

 

                He set aside the sketchbook and Buffy caught out of the corner of her eye a drawing of herself, smiling happily, depicted perfectly by Angel’s expert hand. She echoed her expression from the sketch and settled herself in Angel’s lap, resting her head comfortably underneath his jawbone. He pulled his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

 

                “We should talk.” He said lightly.

 

                She twisted round to see his expression. “About Faith?” She asked.

 

                He thought for a moment. “A little. But mainly about you and me.”

 

                “What about you and me?” Buffy was worried; discussions with Angel about their relationship had a tendency to end badly for her.

               

                He struggled to find the right words. “Buffy, when Faith announced she was pregnant, you were jealous, weren’t you?” He sighed. Buffy was astonished by his words. “I saw the expression on your face when she told us.” He continued. “And that’s OK if you want kids, Buffy. I understand. And I know that I can’t give you them, so if you want to find someone who can, someone like Riley,” he spoke with difficulty. “Then that’s OK too.”

 

                Buffy leapt up out of his lap, confusion and tears stinging her eyes. “Are you breaking up with me?”

 

                “No.” Angel answered her painfully. “That’s the last thing I want. It’s just I want you to be happy and if that means having children and being with someone else then I want you to go do that. You shouldn’t feel tied to me Buffy. I’m trying not to be selfish, I don’t want you to stay with me just for my sake.”

 

                “I’m not.” She told him, speaking straight from her heart. “I love you so much. You’re all I want Angel. All I’ve ever wanted.” She was crying properly now. “Maybe when I first found out Faith was pregnant I did think it was a little unfair. That it was happening to her and not to me. But I was just being unreasonable. I’m happy with my life now. Happier than I’ve ever been before. And that’s all because of you. Kids would be nice, but I don’t need them. I do need you, however, so don’t go scaring me like this again.” She smiled at him.

 

                “It’s just when I saw to talking to Riley about normal things. Parties, college, trips to the beach. I thought that’s what you should have. Not a life filled with vampires, demons and darkness.”

 

                “I’m the slayer, I don’t really get a choice about the vampires and demons.” She held a finger to his lips. “And don’t give me all that crap about being released from scared duty, because you know as well as I do that as long as there’s evil out there I’m going to keep fighting it. Normal is highly overrated.” She grinned widely. “I prefer extraordinary myself. And as for Riley, there is absolutely no way I want to be with him. I was never in love with him even when we were together and I’m certainly not now. So, are you satisfied?” She asked. “Can we get on with what I came down here to do?”

 

                “What’s that?”

 

                She leaned forward and pulled him close to her, kissing him deeply on the lips. “This.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

                All six of the Angel Investigations team were gathered together in Angel’s apartment. The sense of tension and anticipation in the air was palpable. Faith and Gunn were perched nervously together on the edge of the sofa and everyone else seated around them waited anxiously for them to start speaking. Cordelia and Wesley had both been informed of Faith’s pregnancy and their reactions had been characteristic of their personalities. Wesley had uttered a restrained ‘Well I never’ and Cordelia had raised her eyebrows then gone back to reading her magazine. She was no longer surprised by anything that happened to a member of their group, living on a Hellmouth then working for a vampire had left her rather jaded. The one overriding feeling she did have was that of mild annoyance, she had been looking forward to yelling at Faith for ruining her party, but now the other woman was pregnant Cordy supposed she would have to spend the next nine months trying to be sensitive to her situation. Cordelia sighed.

 

                “Well, somebody say something already. John and I are supposed to have dinner plans you know?”

 

                Gunn glared at Cordelia who smirked back. “Me and Faith have something we wanted to tell you all.” He began.

 

                “Yeah, we gathered that much.” Cordy said with impatience.

 

                “Cordelia!” Buffy, Angel and Wesley all cried.

 

                “Perhaps this would go faster if you stopped interrupting.” Wesley added.

 

                Cordelia settled into a sullen silence and Gunn resumed his speech. “Anyway, we’ve talked about it and we’ve decided to have the baby.”

 

                General murmurs of surprise were uttered. Buffy got up and hugged Faith. Angel followed suit, then shook Gunn by the hand. Wesley got overexcited and ended up hugging a very reluctant Gunn. Even Cordelia managed to offer her congratulations. When everybody had settled back down again, Gunn finished his speech.

 

                “We know this isn’t going to be easy, but we also know that with help from all our friends we can get through it. So, we wanted to thank you for all for your support.”

 

                Angel leapt up. “There’s a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator. I think this is the perfect time to have it.” He and Buffy soon had the bottle opened and glasses poured for everybody, except Faith of course who much to her dismay was presented with orange juice because of her pregnancy.

 

                Angel proposed a toast. “To Faith and Gunn.” They all raised their glasses. But before they could drink Buffy interrupted.

 

                “I have a better one!” She told them all. “To the future.” They all clinked glasses and repeated the toast.

 

                “To the future.” Faith and Gunn exchanged a private smile. “Whatever it may hold.”

 

THE END

 

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