Angel paced angrily back and forth across the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. How could Wesley do this to him? The former watcher was practically his best friend, and his certainly his most trusted one. But Wesley had just betrayed him without a second thought, had kidnapped his child, had taken his son away – the only son he was ever likely to have. Connor was just a baby, helpless and tiny and already in so much danger. It was Angel’s job to protect him – his duty as a father – and now he had failed. Because of the manoeuvrings of a man he had formerly thought to be as close as a brother to himself.
But things had never been the same with Wesley after what happened with Darla last year. The rift that was created then had never entirely healed, and now Angel was paying for it. He was still being punished for his mistakes then. Connor would die and it would be his fault. His fault because no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, the Powers would still never forgive him for his past crimes.
He stopped pacing for a second, trying to push aside thoughts of self-pity. What he was going through wasn’t the issue here, it was his son’s welfare he had to worry about. Thoughts of Connor almost made him smile despite the circumstances. Memories of his dark liquid eyes, pools he could drown in for hours, of the soft velvet of his skin, of his light, sweet baby smell, of the amazing, earth-shattering feeling of holding him and knowing that Connor was a part of himself… The ache inside of Angel seemed to intensify even more – it could very well be the case that this was all he had left of Connor: memories.
Why hadn’t he seen this coming? He remembered Wesley as he had first known him. Uptight, pompous, self-righteous. So obnoxious that not even Buffy – who was able to see enough of the good in people to fall in love with a demon – could tolerate him. Angel had heard the full story from Cordelia, of course, that Buffy fired Wesley as her Watcher because he refused to help save the life of a vampire. And Angel had dismissed this as a mistake, had assumed he’d changed, become able to see the bigger picture. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if all this time Wesley had been taking advantage of someone he had persuaded to trust him? Angel remembered the way the Brit had been so unforgiving of Faith after she’d decided to try and put things right, recalled his insistence on remaining boss of the agency following Angel’s brief trip back over into darkness. And hadn’t Wesley been acting strangely recently? Secretive and uncommunicative, suddenly on edge and always poring over a stack of thick musty books, even though the business had nothing in need of researching.
Maybe Angel should have seen this coming, should have seen through his so called friend as a fraud a long, long time ago. Or maybe there was something else going on here, something important that Wesley had been afraid to tell him. Angel just didn’t know what to think anymore. All he knew was that he had to get Connor back before it was too late and his son was gone for good.
“I’m going after them,” he announced in a hard-edged, determined voice. “I’m going to England.”
Cordelia rushed from behind the front desk to his side. Calling her had been one of the first things he had done after he’d found out Connor and Wesley were missing. Then he’d just been in need of her presence, someone to be supportive, to offer a comforting hand to hold or buoy his spirits with a determined positive attitude. But her actually being here wasn’t exactly the same as he’d expected it to be.
“But you can’t,” Cordelia touched his arm lightly. “There’s no way you can avoid the sunlight on such a long plane journey. You’d be flame grilled before you even got half way across the Atlantic.”
He glanced down at her hand resting at his elbow and felt the irrational need to shake it off. He couldn’t feel that way about Cordelia right now, couldn’t let himself be comforted by her when Connor needed him, when it was so important that he be focused on getting his son back not indulging in stupid romantic notions. Besides he wasn’t even sure that Cordy could comfort him right now. She didn’t seem to understand what was going on, didn’t appreciate the seriousness of the situation.
He pulled away from her and walked back across the other side of the room. “Then I’ll stowaway in the cargo hold or something – no light gets in there,” he argued in reply. “I have to do this. I have to make sure my son is all right!”
Cordelia sighed, flicking her hair back and planting her hands on her hips. “I’m sure he’s fine Angel. Connor’s with Wesley – he’ll look after him.”
“I-I’m sure Cordy’s right,” Fred interjected nervously, tripping over her words. “Wesley’s our friend. He loves Connor too. He wouldn’t do anything to put that sweet little baby’s life in danger.”
“You mean anything like abducting him to another country,” Angel snapped, reaching the limit of his patience. He just didn’t know who to trust anymore, which of his friends to put his faith in. Maybe he really had been better off alone. Mixing with humans only caused complications and pain – both to them and to himself. He should have learnt that following his relationship with Buffy. He’s thought that there couldn’t possibly be anything to equal the gut wrenching hurt he’d felt when he’d had to leave her, but this, this was worse. His child, his precious, tiny, helpless son, who was more important to him than anything in the world, could be dying right at this very moment and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Angel’s right,” Gunn finally acknowledged the vampire’s fears with a curt nod of his head. “What the Hell was English thinking runnin’ off with the kid like that? He ain’t got no right.”
“Then it’s settled,” Angel locked eyes with Gunn for a few seconds, searching his gaze suspiciously for any signs of betrayal in his other good friend. “Fred get on the ‘net and look me up all the transatlantic flights leaving LA for England in the next 24 hours. I’m gonna need departure and arrival times, plus any interconnecting stops.”
“Angel, please don’t do this,” Cordelia moved towards him again. “This is Wesley we’re talking about, remember – you know, hyper-responsible British guy? Mr Colour-Coded-Sock-Drawer? Why ever he’s done this, there has to be a reason. Just wait until he calls again and I’m sure we can clear everything up. Don’t go running off risking your undead neck in the meantime. Not to mention all of our lives. Holtz is still on the rampage, plus Wolfram and Hart are planning something big – we need you here to deal with it.”
Angel turned to sweep his eyes over Cordelia. She was so different now to the girl she had been when they first met. Or so it seemed on the outside, but when Angel really thought about it, he could still see Queen C reflected in her determined stance. It was like his eyes had suddenly been opened and he was seeing everything with a new clarity. Maybe Cordy’s tone had softened over the years and she’s learnt a little tact and a little less vanity and egotism, but she still had the supreme self-confidence and stubborn attitude she’d possessed then, and underneath it all he sensed the same naivety that let Xander Harris break her heart. He realised with a jolt that no matter what he’d imagined he;d felt he didn’t lover her. He hadn’t loved her back then – hadn’t even spared her half a thought – and he didn’t love her now. He just liked her – a lot. Respected the way she’d gradually dropped her spiny defences and learnt to fit in, admired the compassion for others she’d always had but no longer felt the need to hide. But love, love was more than just being best friends with someone. Love was what he felt for Connor right now – the gut wrenching worry that felt like it was tearing his insides apart. Love was something you travelled thousands of miles for, no matter what the cost.
“You’ll be fine,” he said curtly to Cordelia, not wanting to snap but suddenly not having the patience to deal with any more delays. He just needed to find his son and hold him in his arms. “Holtz and the lawyers are after me and Connor, not any of you.”
“Is that what you’re thinking, man?” Gunn asked in a low voice. “That Wes was in league with them?”
Angel sighed, almost regretting the other man’s insight. Hearing his innermost fears voiced suddenly made them all the more real. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I just have to find Wesley and Connor and make sure everything’s okay.”
“But it will be, won’t it?” Cordelia continued to protest, but in a smaller, uncertain voice. “Wesley’s not the kind of guy to do anything like that – he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“But he would trade Willow’s life to stop the ascension,” Angel reminded her with a sigh. “He would turn Faith over to the Council’s Special Ops team. He would let me die of poisoning.”
“People change…”
“Maybe they don’t,” Angel smiled ruefully at the memory of his behaviour over the past couple of weeks. He’d thought he’d left Liam’s outgoing and frivolous attitudes far behind him, but flirting with Cordelia, making jokes, learning to play baseball in hotel lobby, they reminded him so much of the foolish youth he used to be that it made him think he could no more be free from his old human personality than he could from the demon inside of him. “Maybe they just get older.”
“Even the eternally young ones?” she raised an eyebrow at him quizzically.
Angel nodded and grinned. “Especially them.” He reached over and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He’d preferred it longer, somehow it was softer then, had made her look less tough, less like someone who saw far too much needless suffering and death. “I’m sorry I ruined your vacation.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be. Just make sure you take care of yourself.”
Angel nodded. “I’ll call when I get there.” He turned. “Fred?”
“I got them, no problem,” she waved a piece of paper at him. “I could have gone to a tourist site, but then I would have had to have checked all the airlines separately, which would have taken too much time. So I hacked into the airport’s main computer system instead, which was ridiculously easy – they really need more security, especially with all those potential terrorists out there. I could have been a mad bomber or anybody – ”
“Get to the point girl,” Gunn nudged Fred good-naturedly and she blushed beet red.
“I, uh, sorry… Her you go, Angel,” she handed him the paper. “The flight numbers and times you wanted. There’s one to Gatwick – that’s in London – leaving in a couple of hours, you should probably try for that one.”
“Thanks,” he checked the departure time, then his watch. Finally he felt like he was one his way towards helping his son. England, here he came…