by Dean Cameron Reynolds
-
- Herbertus Winkleton, accountant for rent
Of Room 57B, Alton Towers in Kent,
Owned a toilet, a toilet as great as could be!
Because on that toilet was a viral city!- A city too small too be seen by men's eyes,
A city of Science, built to the skies!
Built on Science and run by a king,
Who scoffed at religion and would often sing,
Of the Big Flush Theory which created everything!- In a Creator these germs would not believe,
Except one, a prophet who called himself Skreeev!
"There is a Winkleton, and his Messiah will come,
Riding atop a Great White Bottom!
He will come to save germs of all colours and races,
And take us to Paradise and other nice places!"- But the germs said "Pfaah!, Zlerp and Kaflooey!"
And walked off confident in their Big Flush Theory.
Later that day Herbertus who was,
Ignorant of all this drama and fuss,
Went to the toilet and sat down with care,
Totally oblivious to what was right there- In the germ city panic, chaos and fear!
As the sun was blotted out by Winkleton's rear,
And Behold! On that bottom big white and proud,
Descended the Messiah as if on a cloud!- He jumped off the bottom and started to preach,
Of the coming of Winkleton and the coming of bleach!
"Because of your Blasphemous unhygienic ways,
Herbertus will destroy your city with toilet sprays!
He will spray with a bottle and wipe with a cloth,
You are about to feel Herbertus Winkleton's Wrath!- But there is a way to save your germ soul,
Jump off the seat and into the bowl!
We'll go to Paradise and other nice places,
Have you seen our Guidebook? It's on all the pages!"- "Nonsense!" bellowed the king with great rage,
"You sir are on a verbal rampage!
In the existence of Winkleton you can debate,
But the Big Flush Theory, hey it's still great!- And now Mr Messiah something you should know,
Into the toilet you alone will now go!"
And they threw him in with a heave and a ho!- And the Messiah floated there in the bowl of the loo,
And said, "Forgive them Herbertus Winkleton, they know not what they do!"- And at that moment Herbertus jumped off the seat,
And decided the place was not looking neat
"What it needs is a clean," he thought to himself,
As he reached for the cleaning supplies on the shelf.- He started to wipe and he started to spray,
And down in the germ city things were not going OK.- The city was being destroyed by the wipes,
The germs were all panicked and the King thought, "Oh Cripes!"
"Perhaps we were wrong in our sciencey ways,
Forgive us Herbertus, accept all our Praise!
Our city is lost but for us there's still hope,
Jump into the bowl, away from the soap!
The Messiah knew best, to Paradise we'll go,
And perhaps to other nice places, who knows?"- In the bowl the germs floated awaiting the end,
Till Herbertus flushed them down round the bend,
They raced down the pipe so dark and so dreary,
It seemed there was something to their crazy flush theory!
There was a dim patch of brightness in the tunnel ahead,
"The Messiah was right, it's just like he said!"
Move toward the light! It's a cliché we know,
But it's all that we've got, hang on here we go!- They popped out the pipe with a resounding KERPLUMP!
And ended up in the city sewer and dump!
A Paradise for germs, a Utopian dream,
A viral fantasyland filled with dirty ice cream!
The germs were ecstatic, to them it was pretty,
And in no time at all they built a new city!- But they never forgot they were the humble creation,
Of the Proud, the Mighty, the Glorious,
Herbertus Winkleton!
