Of course abortion isn't right.
But it is even less right to bring unwanted children into lifelong suffering
and to strip women of their choice.
Making abortion illegal is not the way to prevent it.
There is a much larger picture that starts with much deeper roots.
~Anonymous
**names and locations have been changed to preserve privacy**
I am a pro-choice activist. What an easy statement
to make! I have been pro-choice since I was a teenager. I remember sitting at
the dining room table, I must have been about 14, and there was a story on the
news about abortion and I looked at whatever I was working on and had the conscious
thought that abortion should be legal. At the time I had no idea what Roe vs.
Wade meant; I knew it had something to do with abortion, but had no idea why.
I also had not one clue of what an impact that evening would have on the rest
of my life.
I believe I wrote no less than four papers on
unwanted pregnancy and abortion over the course of my high school career; the
library books on the subject were covered in my signature for sign outs. I would
spend hours in the public library looking up information on the stages of pregnancy,
and even more time was spent talking with my friends who had been adopted about
their experiences with the foster care system. All that I learned only strengthened
my belief that a woman should have a right to choose for herself whether to
continue a pregnancy. Then, in December, of my senior year my resolve was tested:
I was pregnant.
I was lucky: my parents were not abusive, and
the father was decent. Other than the disappointment I knew I would be to my
parents, I didn’t have to worry about my safety and security. The choice
was up to me: abortion or become a mother. My father told me he would back me
in either case. However, he was staunchly against adoption, as he has a nephew
somewhere in the world that he doesn’t know and it tears him up knowing
about his un-knowable family. I thought about it for weeks and while I claimed
to be considering my options, I think deep down I knew what my choice would
be: my choice celebrated her tenth birthday in July.
My conviction is that it was my parents who helped
me make that choice. No matter what I did as a child, how badly I messed up;
they were always there for me. Sure they would be furious, but they never punished
without reason and I always knew that they were mad because they loved me. I
share in the belief voiced by Karin Eriksen on page 17 of our class text "Communication
Skills for the Human Services"; here Eriksen talks of love as being one
of the common human needs:
"…plain, old love is surely a fundamental need of every human being.
We need to care about ourselves, about other people, and about the world we
live in. In return, we also very much need to know that there are people who
care for us, people to whom we matter."
I believe that without someone who loves you and makes you feel as if you matter,
you cannot forge ahead with any of the other steps needed to lead a happy life.
It was because of my family's unwavering love and support that I knew I could
make my own choice: I never had to bend to the will of an abusive family or
face the terrors of raising a child in a dreadful environment. This is why I
count my blessings, because not all girls have that choice.
This commitment to protecting choice led me to take an internship with Planned
Parenthood. I volunteer as a client escort at their Xxxxx Street location in
XXXXX, helping clients gets from the parking lot, past the protestors and in
the front door. I have been asked why I would put myself out on a busy street,
put on a bright orange vest and stand as a "human shield" between
protestors and their targets. My answer has always been the same: I am not afraid.
Many of our clients come alone, or with an apathetic partner and are yelled
at – cursed as whores and torn apart, told they will go to hell…when
they are already down and subjected to their own struggles. I don’t fear
those insults and curses, I am there to help.
When discussing abortion, there appear to be
two sides: pro-life and pro-choice. Searching this topic, you can easily become
overwhelmed with personal websites declaring abortion a sin and spreading misinformation.
For the purposes of this paper I used two reputable websites to gain perspective
on both sides: The Planned Parenthood Federation website (www.plannedparenthood.org)
and the website of the National Right to Life Committee (www.nrlc.org). Both
are excellent sites, filled with reputable information, and are nationally recognized
as figures in the abortion debate.
Frequently the media try to make it pro-life
and pro-abortion, but that is simply not the case. It is also not as straightforward
as pro-life vs. pro-choice. In my experience with volunteers at Planned Parenthood,
many of them have toiled with their beliefs: we know what abortion is, we know
that a baby is killed, but we also know that if this woman is so desperate not
to have the child, then it is probably better off. This statement always garners
harsh looks and nasty comments when made. I have alienated many of my former
classmates with statements such as that.
Abortion has been around as long as pregnancy has. Women learned which herbs
could be taken, found which sharpened sticks could be inserted and would find
ways to batter themselves all in efforts to end a pregnancy. Women were desperate
not to have another mouth to feed, not to bring a child into an abusive household.
Some were simply not equipped to give up their own desires for the future…
the reasons were, and still are, endless. During the Middle Ages, the church
sided with the arguments made by Thomas Aquinas and mandated that abortion was
acceptable prior to “quickening” or the felt movement of the fetus
(Dworkin, 1994). The church later changed its doctrine and made any abortion
a sin, this included the acts of contraception and even masturbation that would
interfere with God’s creative forces (Dworkin, 1994). With abortion illegal,
many women were forced to carry children who were unwanted. With contraception
an unattainable aspiration, women became pregnant shortly after giving birth
to their last child, tiring out their reserves and leading to shortened life
spans. Despite all this, most religions still condemn abortion and many forms
of contraception.
For me, abortion has nothing to do with religion.
The right to continue with a pregnancy should be up to each individual woman.
Ultimately it is her life that will be altered: and no matter if she has the
baby or not, her life will be changed. Also, many women who have abortions do
not do so on a whim: it is a heart-wrenching decision and they mourn the fetus
as any other parent would mourn a lost child. Women I escort into the clinic
are not happy and skipping as they enter; they are quiet and avert eye contact:
this has not been an easy choice to make.
Ryan and Katherine, two devout Catholic friends who I share a class with, shared
an adverse reaction when I told them about my choice of volunteer work, they
reiterate the words their priest tells them about what is written in the bible:
murder is wrong. After I bit my tongue and stopped myself from sarcasm, as an
argument will only solidify their view that pro-choice people are "un-Godly",
I asked them "Is your god all loving, does he not love all of his children?"
To this they both responded "Of course." I then ask if their god is
all forgiving. Katherine, whose two sisters are nuns, responded positively that
yes, God is generous and forgiving. I followed this up with the question "If
your god truly is all loving and forgiving, then would he not sweep in and take
that baby's soul back into his loving arms? Don't you think he would rather
have that child with him, bathed in love, rather than here, on earth, unloved?"
Ryan stopped talking to me for three days after that.
I believe that the life that is ended, no matter
how small a flicker it may be, is returned to the great pool of souls we all
emerge from. Do I believe that abortion is the answer? No, I absolutely do not.
But I am not the judge or jury; I cannot make decisions for everyone and neither
can the government. The root of the problem is deeper than a ban on abortions
can solve. Not everyone has the option of being in charge of her own birth control
method. Some women have partners who will not allow them to take pills. Other
women are victims of rape or incest. I know not all women have regular menstrual
periods and do not know when they are in a fertile time, worse yet they may
not realize they are pregnant for months. No matter what my personal choice
is I believe I have an obligation to stand up and protect the rights and choices
of all.
In completing this assignment I spoke with several
different people. I spoke about third trimester abortion with a friend who works
at Planned Parenthood, Eliza. I have also included anecdotal thoughts from various
friends and peers who I felt added something to the piece.
Inevitably, talk of abortion brings up the recent
debate about partial birth abortion. Here is where the waters of my beliefs
get murky. Eliza and I spoke when I first began volunteering with Planned Parenthood.
I was firmly planted in my pro-choice beliefs, but at the time the Partial Birth
Abortion Act of 2003 was a huge news story and I felt I just did not know much
about this topic. I now know what happens; I have seen the pictures. Partial
birth abortion is a procedure used between the 20th and 27th weeks of gestation.
It is an extreme case of abortion and, from my personal discussion and experience,
is used to save the life of the mother or in rare cases of deformity of the
fetus. The name comes from the fact that the legs and torso of the fetus are
outside of the womb when the skull is punctured and collapsed for removal of
the body. I have trouble even writing about this, as it is so abhorrent to me.
I don't think anyone, short of deranged serial killers, can think about the
logistics of that procedure and not cringe.
But when I first cam to speak with Eliza, I was not so sure about what happens.
I needed some answers about how we stand up for the right to do this to a viable
human being. We talked about the reasons women have late term abortions: fetal
deformities not detected until later, maternal health issues that arise, or
pregnancies that are undetected by the mother etc… While I can rationalize
that these are practical reasons for terminating a pregnancy, I still found
it hard to accept that this was a reasonable solution.
Eliza and I talked for about an hour, looking
at the possible distress the mother may experience giving birth to a full-term
baby who would not survive more than an hour outside of the womb. How would
the pains of labor and birth be, plus the emotional toll of watching her baby
die slowly. Even Eliza, a mother herself, has trouble bearing the thought of
a late term abortion. The rationalization that we both came up with is that
no matter how we may personally feel about the procedure, we have never been
in need of one and therefore could not comprehend how difficult the decision
to have one is. Were we told that we may die if we carry the pregnancy to term
or that our baby would die in excruciating pain after birth, our views might
be different. Eliza and I realize that, as gut wrenching as it is, we cannot
protect the rights of some without protecting the rights of all women.
The National Right to Life Committee website
is one of the most factual I have seen. They have copies of articles from the
American Medical Association and diagrams of the procedure. While they are selective
in what statistics they report and where they find their information, they do
represent portions of the ugly truth about a touchy subject. I spent nearly
three hours looking for information from the "pro-choice" side of
the debate but remained awash in pro-life websites: even the Planned Parenthood
Federation website did not have a page about partial birth abortion. Their site
had information on "abortions after the first trimester: but no mention
of the jargon "partial birth".
When I have discussed this topic with my current
classmates, their first reaction is an eye-rolling groan. Most tend to ignore
the topic of beliefs and the ones who haven't immediately follow their groan
with "well, where do you stand?" While talking with Mary on the phone,
she was so emotional that her frustrated facial expressions were audible as
she asked me "Are you for it or against it?" There is no correct response
to this question, no easy way to answer it. Feelings about abortion, whether
early in the pregnancy or "partially birthed" cannot be summed up
in one-liners for bumper stickers. I have never been pregnant and told that
my child has a spinal cord defect and will die within hours after birth. I have
never been abused for most of my life to the point that I ignore signs of a
pregnancy from incest until it is too late. I have never been asked to make
a choice between my life and the life of my unborn child. How can someone make
a statement about what they feel about something you have no reference points
to connect to?
In answer to Mary I said that I am not pro-abortion,
I hate the thought that a life is extinguished but I have no other solution.
Sex-education is not as open as it needs be to give people the options on avoiding
pregnancy. Child abuse will always be a part of society and that puts girls
in danger from angry abusive parents; be they the father of the fetus or not.
Poverty has been around for millennia and won’t be solved in my lifetime
which leaves the poor with few options for another mouth to feed. None of this
made Mary feel any better about abortion, but at least she doesn’t think
I am out to kill babies.
It is difficult to talk with Mary or Anna about
abortion because their beliefs are so rooted in their religion. Although when
I have talked with Anna about my job as an escort she gave me a wonderful compliment.
She told me that “Whatever [her] beliefs are concerning abortion",
she felt that my job helping the girls through the door was imperative. She
said that "at that moment I was performing a service to a scared girl that
few others are brave enough to do.” I never would have expected such a
nice comment from Anna. It made me feel that perhaps there could be a middle
ground between those who are against and those who are for the choice movement.
However, each discussion with someone new allows me to expand my frame of reference
just a little more. I seek out people whose views are different from mine, people
with whom I can have a rational conversation. While I would love to sit down
for coffee with one of the protestors I walk past, I know that they are not
open for discussion: they are simply there to convert you to their way of thinking.
I did have a short but insightful conversation
with George, during the moving-up ceremony, I found out that he used to work
closely with the group who protests our clinic. I thought for sure that that
was the end of our conversation, I was a “pro-choicer” and therefore
evil. Instead we kept talking about how the protestors are these days and what
he thinks of their “priest”. George left the group when this priest
came around because they became mean. George wanted to go and pray and be peaceful;
instead this new group wanted to use scare tactics and taunt the girls as they
walked in. Oddly enough, both George and I agree on a dislike for those strategies.
By the time the girls reaches the door of the clinic it is too late: society
has failed her. This girl did not receive the necessary education or parenting
or social supports necessary to help her avoid pregnancy or have a safe enough
home to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. Screaming curses and
blasphemy at this girl at the door to the clinic accomplishes nothing. Having
that conversation with George gave me a new perspective on him and his belief
system, he wasn’t such a scary “right-winger” as I originally
thought.
Most days that I am at the clinic, the group
comes out to pray and say the rosary. There are a few members who walk up to
clients to pass them "factual" literature. One or two of the men are
loud, obnoxious and feel the need to berate the girls walking in. But there
is one woman, probably in her late 20's, who has a couple of children in tow
and is pregnant again: I would love to talk with her. She is soft-spoken and
when she does confront clients, she does it with a motherly demeanor. She has
approached us once or twice, but when we are outside the building she hits us
with a barrage of questions about why we don't accept God into our hearts and
stop the killing.
As escorts, we are not allowed to speak with
them. Our policy is not to interact with the protestors at all, for the obvious
basis that we cannot reason with them. Anything we say would be a direct reflection
on Planned Parenthood and it is not our place to give sound bites. But this
woman, for all the children she has carried in her young years, probably has
something interesting to say. If only I could get her to put down her bible.
I respect my pro-life opponents. Few people look
me in the eye when I say that; they assume I am about to crack some joke or
make a sarcastic comment. One fellow escort gave me a cocked-eye and asked "How
can you respect crazy?" I am serious when I say that, while I may detest
their tactics, I have to respect their convictions. They are not crazy, they
are not zealots anymore than we pro-choice supporters are. The groups that get
together to protest clinics are out there, all the time: sun, rain, snow and
wind. They kneel down and pray despite the people who shout back at them. They
believe in their cause just as much as I believe in mine.
You do not have to be pleased about abortion to be pro-choice. I don't believe it is a solution to social problems, but for many it is a solution to their problems. And as long as humans continue to have sex, there will be a need for safe, medically sound access to birth control and abortion. Have any of the conversations changed my opinions or thoughts about abortion? No. I am still steadfast in my commitment to women’s reproductive rights. Those I spoke with have, however, changed my opinion of others beliefs. People are not as one-sided as I thought before: those who are steadfast in their pro-life beliefs can, in fact, share a commitment to society as sincere as my own. I will continue to listen to the other side of the story while I take a stand so that my daughter and the generations to follow will have access to the same choices I had.
References
Dworkin, R. (1994). Life’s Dominion: An
argument about abortion, euthanasia, and individual
freedom. New York: Vintage Books
Eriksen, K. (1979). Communication Skills for the Human Services. Virginia: Prentice-Hall
National Right to Life Committee
http://www.nrlc.org/abortion/pba/
Planned Parenthood Federation of America
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/abortion/fact-abortion-first-trimestert.xml