Life is shit. How many times have we heard that? My feeling is that you can sit around and complain about the shit you're in, or you can just grab a clothespin and deal with the stench.

The trick to life, is learning that there will always be shit in your way. As soon as you clean up one pile, you just get more. Make all the "to do" lists you want - you will finish one and remember 10 more things you forgot. Just 'cause you stepped in a load of elephant crap doesn't mean you can't clean it off and keep on going. Here are the few things I have numbered (as everyone likes a good numbered list) to help you down this barnyard road...

1. How good is your soap? Do you have your own mop and bucket? Or are you the stupid bastard who is still trying to borrow everyone elses??? I don't want to clean up my shit and then deal with yours...Go get your own fuckin' sponge and scrub up your own mess!!

2. Don't whine about it...the longer shit sits there, the smellier it gets. And, gods forbid, you get a heat wave...that shit will warm up and spread all over the damn place!! Just get out the soapy water and mop and get to cleanin'.

3. No shit is so bad that a good pooper scooper and lysol can't fix it.

4. Never, under any circumstances, shovel your shit onto someone elses path...this is just mean and rude. And let me tell you, do this to enough people and one day you will be sitting there in your shit free house and the community dumptruck is going to bring a truckload...and probably dump it right in your lap.

5. Remember that the worst shit in the world; the smelliest, nastiest, puke-your-guts-out raunchiest, slit-your-wrists-because-you-don't-have-the-strength-to-shovel-anymore shit in the world gets turned over in a bed of soil and grows some of the most beautiful flowers you have ever laid eyes on.