“…make me feel safe,” I hear from a fellow employee as I’m walking back into the office with my lunch: Carl’s Jr. Sourdough Burger.

They all look up at me as the dull daylight follows me and I say, “What makes you feel safe?”  As the final word leaves my lips, I think, damn you fool, keep your mouth shut!

“Those,” he smiles and points in the direction of the wall.

No, I think, don’t start, don’t do it, just smile and walk away.  Smile!!! And walk away!

I didn’t need to look.  I knew what he was talking about.  Hanging just inside the employee only entrance is two large bright yellow boxes, with a tiny glass window so that you can see what is inside.  Stenciled across the front in big sans-serif black letters is “Breathing Apparatuses”.  Standing between these two boxes are two large red fire extinguishers.

“What, the gasmasks?” I ask, looking down at my none moving feet…oh Jesus, if only I could convince them to just walk away.  I realize now a sadistic smile is climbing onto my face.  I must look like some sad horror movie character about to start chopping.

“Yes,” He replies.

“Oh,” I say and start walking away.  Good I got away.  But I didn’t get very far before I turned and said, “Where do you work in this building?”

Before he can answer I continue, “You see, I work down on this floor, right in the next section, right over there.  By the time I realized that there was a gas leak, do you really think I could make it to these and put one on?

“I’d be dead before I got my ass out of the cubicle.  And say I did make it all the way over here, do you really think I’d stop to open that case and take one of those masks out…spend ten minutes trying to figure out how it works, when the door to the outside world is only 8 feet away?

“Those masks aren’t for us, man.  They are for the coroner so he can do the body count.  They are for the police to make sure the building is clear.  For those that come after what ever disaster has already befallen us.  You, me, we’re already dead, our lungs burnt into jelly by the sulfuric acid or what ever that stuff they use in the labs is.”

It was only at this point that I realized that he wasn’t smiling anymore.  Damn it, I thought, you really need to learn to be nice to people.

So I smiled as best I could and said, “but, what do I know”