Some days you wake up and you feel like killing.  There is just no way around it.  Some hidden weight has been pounding you through your sleep and upon waking it dives back into a recess of your mind, not forgotten, not hidden, just slinking about in that dark place…waiting.

 

We are taught that this dark feeling is bad.  It is an evil remnant of your sin.  Your fall from grace.  Your inner animal fighting the taming.  I don’t buy any of that. 

 

Human beings are complex creatures and to think that somehow my anger, my evil, my dark is worse that the opposite is narrow-minded.  Love is no better than hate.  Fearful no worse than fearless.  Depression, sadness, melancholy, all equal to happiness and joy.  In fact, I would hazard to say that happiness and joy and other emotions of positive attributes are the shallow ones.  Because, the positive emotions are okay with the status quo.  The positive emotions enjoy the normal simplicity of the passing world.  They don’t cry for understanding.  They don’t reach for information, they just pass through the dusts of time like rays of light, completely unabashed and sedated.

 

Would the Wright Brothers have taken up flight if not for the envy of the birds?  Would they have tried so hard to conquer, what must have seemed an impossibility, if they so loved the ground?  Would the space race have even begun if we didn’t fear the Russians[1]?  History is filled with this idea.  In fact, history itself has to rely on the ramblings of jaded and jilted people.  It has to rely on envy and disgust in our fellow man.  Without the dark feelings, there is no history.  Why write down a past that no ones cares to read, because everyone is sedate with the current existence of the world?

 

Religion is based on the dark feelings.  We are told to loath them: “Hate the sin”…funny the oxymoron that makes.  But it’s a common belief among those that believe.  But with out the dark feelings there is no need for faith.  Fear of death is solved by the expectation of great rewards and the illation that it causes.  Envy over come with self-affirmation of god’s greater love.

 

I believe that hate, fear, envy, lust, anger, and darkness in general are necessary for the greater soul.  If god exists, then he created these things within us, all of us.  And how megalomanical would it be of me to presume that god was wrong when he created them?  They must be there for a reason. 

 

I therefore embrace me darkness.  I like my dark feelings.  Now there are you who would look at that statement and fall at the feet of it and worship it like a holy truth.  Those that would follow it to the end of the earth, breathing fire on family and friend alike.  Those that would destroy the world because of statements like this.  I tell you, only this:  You would be wrong to think that hate and fear and anger are required to destroy the world.  You would be wrong to think that something could come of such destruction.  The real question mongers like that should ask themselves is, “What do I expect to happen once the world is torn asunder? What next?”  What next indeed!  Hitler was blind to this intention.  What would he have done if the whole of the world was at his feet?  What then?  I would speculate to say that his end would have still come as it did.  A bullet in his brain from his very hand…for he would have nothing to continue for.  Those that would embrace their darkness with out looking for the light are just as ignorant as those that do the opposite. 

 

Speaking of the goody-goods: I assume that you look at embracing your darkness like you do being in car wreck.  I’ve met a few of those types in my life and done everything I can to steer clear of them.  They do not see the world around them and are lost to everything.  It is only a matter of time before destruction finds a way to them.  Better to be standing across the street when that happens.  There is a worse proposition, that nothing every happens to them and they continue on in this empty fashion, passing it on to their children forever.  Nothing more than well hypnotized zombies drifting through the world like ghosts, unable to affect a single atom in the material world.

 

It all falls back to freedom.  It’s a crazy word, that freedom.  It means so much, yet seems to be like a beautiful flower on a bed of thorns.  And everyday sad, frightened groups of children are stealing away this gift from us.  They don’t know how to handle the thorns, so instead they cut the flowers off.  Better to be blind of such beauty, than to cut yourself on it, or so they seem to think.

 

I for one, have a good set of gardening gloves.