From the
Trenches II
Last night
my wife and I were having a discussion about the nature of right and
wrong. She believes that I’m an evil
man. Though she won’t say as much, it is
the gist of her argument.
It goes
something like this. We are talking
about why society at large seems to be degenerating. I explained that my opinion is that it is
because human beings are not being taught to have self responsibility. That it is a failing of parents, who
themselves have been taught that self responsibility is not important. I further tried to explain that the reason
why people lack responsibility is because of the system as well. If I’m taught by the adults around me that
crime is wrong because it’s against the law, then I do not require a sense of
pride and self-responsibility. Instead I
can rely on the system to be responsible for me. In this way, when the system tells us how to
act, what to eat, how to interact, they are effectively taking my need of
determination away. Effectively creating
a socialist idealism of ‘system’ importance and not personal importance.
Her
reaction, if you understand her, was to accuse me of being a bad person, “You
obviously think that laws are wrong!
What about people that murder!”
As per the
usual requirements of your arguments I must constantly backpedal into defending
my loyalty to her, as you will eventually see, but I tried here to remain open
to her attack. Did I in fact think laws
are bad? Yes and no. The problem is that there are too many laws. Too many restrictions. And since fear seems to be on the rise, it is
only going to get worse, before it gets better. There is only one and only guideline that
really needs to be administered to the world: Do onto others, what you would
have done onto you. This is known as the
golden rule. It is universally known
through-out the world.
I tried
explaining that since I believed in the golden rule, I therefore also believed
in the same basic principles of life that she does, I just do not rely on
others and their concept of justice laced with this madding idiocy of fear to
guide my life. I believe, in earnest,
that with freedom comes great responsibility and that this responsibility extends
to what I expect others to act like when I deal with the, therefore, according
to the golden rule, I in turn try to act the way I would expect to be treated.
It’s not to complicated.
Her
reaction of course, was to confuse the issue with another issue, per the
typical woman mind frame. You see, woman
are scatterbrained. It’s their
nature. They have not the ability to sit
down and focus on one thing for very long.
Of course, there are probably exceptions to this, as there are with
everything, but in general, for women, one idea always crosses over into
everything else.
Immediately
she brings up Television. For us,
Television has been a pain in my ass for 3 years. The day we got married was the last day of television
for me. I’ve not been able to turn it on
for more than a few minutes at a time with out having to deal with her
insecurity and undermining fear. She
hates television. I too, by the way,
mostly hate television, but sometimes there are things that interest me that I
would like to watch. Of course I can’t,
being married to a Nazi. What she fails
to understand is that if there is in deed something that I want to watch, I
will have to do it behind her back. I
will have to do it to avoid her arguments and anger. When instead she could be sitting there at my
side and we could be growing closer, she instead, chooses to argue and fight
about every single thing. This is her
nature. She would rather hold a grudge
and fight forever about something than face the opposite, or worse, the
possibility that she is wrong.
Anyway, she
somehow draws this argument about right and wrong into the realm of the
television, sighting that TV is immoral and corrupt. Of course, I have a job and work during the
day unlike her. I therefore have zero
opportunity to view the tube. So I must
therefore concede her point. But, I tell
her, that Television has never led society, it is in fact a refection of
society and I sight the programming since it’s inception as evidence. But of course, this isn’t good enough for
her. Her argument that television is
evil does not require that it is supported by evidence. None of her argument require and sort of
support, unless you consider her constant anger and feverant belief that all of
mankind is evil and worthless as support.
Then, we’re
back to “You always defend
I’m tiring
of her. I’m tiring of her constant upset
moods. I’m tiring of her anger toward
me. She actually said, “You have GQ on
your desk at work, because it has naked women in it!” I said, that’s a lie, there are no naked
women in it, and besides why does that bother you? Her reply, “Because I don’t want to be
married to a guy that needs to look at that!”
Wake the fuck up! If she was so
set on this sort of old maid philosophy of life, why the fuck did she get
married in the first place? IT is
insane. The whole of her argument is
hypocritical. It’s okay for her to
fantasize about me, but it’s wrong for the world to fantasize about other
people. It’s okay for her, but wrong for
others?
I’m tired
of her accusations. I’m tired of her
fear. It is not my job to save her. It is not my responsibility to make her
understand. It is her life, she needs to
figure it out.
Mostly I’m
angry at myself, why does love have to be so blinding and powerful? Why couldn’t I just have not married
her? Why was I so weak as to believe
that she was wonderful and worth the effort…when the opposite is slowly
becoming the truth?
She worries
that when I die that the only thing that I’ve written about her will be
negative. This is a case of self fulfilling
prophecy. She is paranoid that I hate
her and loathe her. So instead of loving
me, she beats me up and demands her attention, which causes me to feel ill will
toward her, and there for causes me to sit down and write lengthy rants about
her. If only she was smart enough to understand
a simple proverb:
You catch
more flies with honey than with vinegar.