Trapped in Aesthetic Weirdness

I was slowly walking straight a hoary, cemented road. Walking ahead, not really caring where my feet are taking me. Looking around I see the filth of discarded garbage and if there were just a bit more one could almost smell the stench. At my sides were a row of trees, the wilting kind, the ones you see on cemeteries and "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Completing the creepy atmosphere was a pitch black sky with the only light radiating from the incandescent moon. It was beautiful, and scary at the same time. I kept walking, in a faster pace now. Fear is now overcoming my entirety, and who wouldn't be frightened in a place like this. The cold wind was blowing against my whole body, sending shivers down my spine, and then going back. I crossed my arms in an attempt to hug myself and feel the warmth of my hands. To my despair my hands were cold as ice. I wanted to run, but all I can manage to do is walk briskly, as if something were forcefully preventing me from doing so. I felt helpless, alone and terrified. The wind was getting stronger and the moon was gradually hiding behind a huge dark cloud. I looked around and saw the trees disappearing in the shadows. Their shriveled branches seemed alive, as if they were reaching out to my point of location. Without warning the place started whirling around me. Maybe it was me who was rotating because as far as I know that would be scientifically impossible. I really didn't care; I just wanted it to stop. I looked up and saw the clouds dancing around in mockery. If they had mouths I'm sure laughter is what I would hear. Evil laughter, taking ridicule of me. All I saw was a blur, a haze of the gray pavement, multitudes of twisted twigs that appeared to be stretching out towards my direction. I was afraid and I can't do nothing about it. In my petrified state I let out a scream.

"Hoy putangina mo gumising ka nga!" my mother shouted while slapping my face with a pillow. "Ano bang sinisigaw-sigaw mo d'yan? Palibhasa kung anu-anong pinagkakaabalahan mo, tapos uuwi ka lang para matulog! Matutulad ka kay Rico Yan sa mga pinaggagagawa mo! Puro ka na lang pasarap, wala ka nang inatupag, hindi ka na..." she blabbed while I was busy recalling my dream. I didn't even know if I can still consider it a dream. It was more like a nightmare. What in the world was that? I haven't been watching horror movies lately, not if you consider "X2" spine-tingling. Those mutants didn't even walk down a tree-lined road, for pete's sake. I tried to read between the lines, vivisecting the components of that horrendous hallucination. What if it's an omen, a sign of things to come? What if my imaginative subconscious were giving me a visual explanation of my current emotional turmoil? What if it's the result of too much television and the crap they show on it? I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. One question was left lingering on my mind as I got up and walked towards the bathroom: what the fuck was that all about!?!

As brief as the dream was the time it spent on my consciousness. The moment I stepped out of the house I immediately forgot what just transpired. I have a class at nine and it's already 8:45. Of course I'm late, that's what I am known for. Not that I am proud of it. Let's just say it's a disorder I can't cure. I got to the jeep, took a sit and mindlessly groped my pocket for some loose change.

"Psst, bayad ka na." I heard someone say in my direction. I looked up and saw JC, a kid from my hood. "Uy! Salamat." I replied with a sheepish smile. "San ka punta?" "Papasok. Bakit, san ka ba pupunta?" he asked with bewilderment, as if wondering where I was going so early in the morning. Stupid me, of course he was going to school, like where I am headed. "Papasok din. Maaga rin pala pasok mo." Here I am, making conversation with such idiocy that I wanted this conversation to end. "Oo nga." He responded in a rather confused manner, probably thinking why on his right mind did he pay the fare of this moron. I just smiled, looked outside the vehicle, signaling the end of our chitchat before I make more a fool of myself. Fifteen boring minutes later the jeep arrived at the waiting shed where I am supposed to get off. "Para ho." The jeepney screeched to a halt. I looked at JC and raised both of my eyebrows for a split-second implying "I'm cool and I'll see you later". He looked back and did the same thing. I stepped out of the vehicle, stood at the shed waiting for the stoplight to go red and hoped that tomorrow I won't be seeing any familiar faces on my way to school.

The university security guard was a major pain in the you-know-where. As soon as I stepped one foot into the perimeter of the building he held out his omnipotent wooden rod, blocking my entrance from the school premises. Obviously we are low in terms of technology which is what one would expect from an institution ran by the government. I can almost hear the administrators retort in defense "We have sufficient funds, thank you very much, but our university believes in handling matters manually and personally as to strengthen the bond between student and mentor."

Yeah right.

So he stuck out his baton in front of me and coldly interrogated my whole being. "I.D. mo? Mahaba na ang buhok mo, kelan ka magpapagupit? Hindi mo ba alam na bawal ang ganyang pantalon dito? Anong year ka na ba?" he snapped while fumbling through my knapsack looking for explosives and pornography. I kept silent, and when he realized notebooks were harmless he automatically removed the stick in front of me and allowed me to enter. Not without confiscating my identification card.

Down the hallway I saw Ria and Queenie. As always, they were clad in make-up so thick I am reminded of my senior prom when everyone had one skin color and perfectly combed hair. I walked towards them, almost hurriedly. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Ang pupula na naman ng mga pisngi nyo. Queenie hindi pantay ang pulbos mo sa mukha. Pati sa leeg. Ang kapal ng blush-on mo, Ria!" These girls are my friends, and I treat my friends rather harshly. I have the best intentions, but another reason for my condemnation of their efforts to style themselves with make-up is the lack of it. I think they should just leave their faces alone. And for my own sake too, because hanging around with clowns is not my idea of fun, not mentioning the humiliation I will get just by being with them. But I love these guys anyway, so I keep those thoughts to myself. "Midterm natin ngayon ah. Nag-aral ka na ba?" Ria asked out of nowhere. Making conversation, I think. "Hinde. Kelan ba ko nag-aral?" I replied with a grin. I always tell my friends that school is a past-time, and gimmicks are my priorities. Of course I'm joking, but lately the joke's been on me. "Nandyan naman si Xtian eh. Pakokopyahin tayo 'nun. Ikaw, nag-aral ka na ba?" I asked while on the look-out for cute creatures lurking nearby. They're not a majority in this university, that's why one must be alert for their rare appearances. "Hindi rin. Pero mag-aaral ako mamaya. Hindi kasi ako nakapagbasa kahapon eh, nanood ako ng Meteor Garden. Ang gwapo ni Dao Ming Xe! Kaya lang nag-away sila ni San Chai kasi niloko siya ng best friend niya. Pero syempre magkakabalikan 'yung mga 'yun, 'may kaibigan kasi akong napanood na lahat ng chapters ng Meteor Garden, eh di'ba chapter three pa lang ngayon, siya natapos na niya lahat! Kinuwento na nga niya sa'kin ang mangyayari bukas eh..." she blabbed while I continued searching for eye-candies. Ria was the loquacious type, and as long as she doesn't run out of things to say, you will never be bored. That's just a theory, because with all her hype about that quirky teen soap I bet she won't be shutting up for some time.

I finally decided to give up and conclude that this school has a whirlpool that appears in the bathroom and swallows beautiful people within its proximity.

Queenie has been inscrutably quiet during the whole course of me and Ria's senseless banter. She's standing in a slouchy way, hugging her books against her chest and staring blankly into the floor. I looked down, expecting to see something of interest. To my dismay it was just the dirty red tiles of the hallway. What was she thinking? Is she pondering on the status of our education? If we're to finish college or not? Is she interested in cleaning those grimy dirt on the floor? Does she have a secret dream of being a - gasp! - janitress? The influx of ideas kept on coming, and to prevent me from brewing more absurdity I blurted out a question. "Huy! Anong problema mo?" She did not move one bit. She didn't even flick an eyelash. I wondered if she was still breathing. She was oblivious to everyone around her, including us. Her blank stare was intriguing, almost revealing her poignant thoughts, as if the world is behind her back. What could be the cause of this girl's trance state? Ria finally broke the ice and moved towards her. "Queenie, anong problema?" putting her hand on Queenie's shoulder. The sensation of a human hand must have electroshocked the screws on her head into functioning, reminding her that she still has the ability to move. She looked up, first to Ria, then to me. She slowly opened her lips to speak, slightly trembling from hesitation and somewhat startled by our scrutiny.

"Buntis yata ako."

Great, another baby I have to be a godfather to.

"Sigurado ka? Nag-pregnancy test ka na ba? Baka naman nahuli lang ang monthly period mo. Kasi ayaw gumamit ng condom eh!" Ria retorted. She was doubtful, concerned and angry all at the same time. I couldn't care less. If you want a good fuck, fine. Just make sure you wouldn't have to deal with the consequences afterwards. Besides, in my high school after everyone graduates it's either they enter college, stop studying or get pregnant. Queenie's revelation, which fortunately is not proven true yet, did not came as a shock. For a fragment of a second I wondered what it would feel like to have my own child. Then I thought about the responsibilities I was too lethargic to attend to, and laughed at the thought.

I left the both of them to attend my class. I checked the time; it was 9:35. I'm thirty-five minutes late for my class, and I'm seriously considering not going to it. Why would I want to sit and pretend to listen for an hour of dull discussion consisting mainly of ancient paintings I never knew existed and the underlying meaning of horizontal, vertical and diagonal lines? That Humanities class is pointless. I stopped in my tracks, turned left and headed for the cafeteria.

I roamed around the place, looking for classmates who had the same brilliant idea of boycotting 60 minutes of mind-numbing Humanities. No familiar faces. Ha, go ahead, you masochists. Feign martyrhood and suffer that tedious Mr. Torrevillas. Meanwhile I, The Coolest Guy on Earth, would be planting my rear comfortably at one of those benches, sipping iced tea and people-watching. Maybe not the latter, there aren't many people worth watching here anyway. I went to the mojos and french fries stall, ordered my drink and contemplated where I would be going to next.

I didn't stay in the canteen; the heat was enough to fake a tan. I wiped the beads of sweat on my face and headed outside. Walking towards the exit I spotted a goodlooking specimen juxtapositional to the hallway, walking in the quadrangle. I immediately sped up my pace in an attempt to catch a glimpse for a longer time. I managed to get out of the canteen and walk down the hallway, my neck risking of getting stiff by constant gazing to my left. As I multi-tasked walking, staring and sipping iced tea, I didn't notice the empty can of cola strategically placed where I was supposed to land my right foot.

I slipped.

In my effort to stop myself from falling, I tried to hold onto anything I can get my hands on. Unfortunately the nearest object was an open garbage can. And not a very sturdy one at that. I grasped the rim of the filthy waste basket, desperately wishing it would save me from disgrace. My endeavors at evading embarrassment were no match to the power of gravity and imbalance. With the garbage can in my grip, I swiftly reached the floor in no time, scattering litter and goop everywhere. The people walking along with me, left and right, halted. Silence... then a thundering roar of laughter. All eyes were on me, with everyone laughing their hearts out.

To make matters worse, one of the guys in the crowd happens to be the university publication's official photographer, on the look out for picture-worthy moments. Apparently he thought mine was a Kodak moment. The next thing I knew he was snapping pictures of me in my uncompromising position. The blinding flash of the photographer's camera and the deafening hysteria of laughter were too much for my fragile ego. I grabbed my knapsack and held it against my chest. I tried to get up, but the humiliation broke down my defense and weakened my stamina. My knees felt like jelly I can actually see them wobble. I managed to sustain a standing-like position and tried to walk. Walk away and get out of here. Every step was a drain to my remaining strength. The laughing never ceased, making me frailer by the second. More people were swarming over, wondering what the fuss is all about, then joining the crowd in their mockery. I tried to run, but the soles of my shoes were like velcro on the floor, sticking to it with every step. My eyes were failing me, all I saw now was a blur, and in my horrified condition I let out a scream.

The next morning I borrowed my brother's huge Adidas gym bag. I woke up quite early; about two hours before my class. Everyone's still asleep, and I'm all ready for school. I helped myself to my mother's purse, getting my allowance for the day, and got out of the house. The neighborhood was serene, the air was cold. The moon was still ruling the sky, some stars are even visible, while the sun was slowly making its presence felt. I rode the jeepney ride to school as I always do every single morning. When I got to the shed where I am supposed to get off, I tapped the roof of the jeep, signaling it to stop. I walked in the usual sidewalk heading to the university. Upon reaching the front of the school I stopped in my tracks and stared at it for a while. I put down my gym bag, unzipped it, and slowly pulled out my grenade launcher. Positioning it carefully on my right shoulder, I peeked at the crosshair, checking if I'm aiming right, and pushed the trigger.