I currently live in the greatest nation on earth. There is nowhere else I could go and have more freedom or more opportunity than the mighty United States of America. At least that is what I have been told for my entire life. I honestly can't remember a time when I have not heard that phrase at least once a week. "The Greatest Nation On Earth" is used in presidential speeches to remind us how lucky we are to live here. It is blared over loud speakers at NASCAR races and fervently cheered by masses of backwoods hill folk from the mountains of West Virginia. It is printed on t-shirts, baseball hats, coffee mugs, bumper stickers, and a myriad of other products. It is used in campaign slogans, as a justification for war and terror carried out over seas, it is used to justify the deaths of thousands of American soldiers who gave their lives for this very slogan. It is extremely effective advertising and surely it must be true. False advertising is looked at as morally wrong and even criminal in some instances. So, do the facts add up? Is there evidence to support this grandiose statement? Lets first take a look at US education. In a 2003 UNICEF conducted a study that took the averages from five different international education studies. The results ranked the United States No. 18 out of 24 nations in terms of the relative effectiveness of its educational system. We are rated 14th out of 16 nations on affordability of secondary education. And 4th out of 13 nations on accessibility. So, with that in mind, is our nation the greatest on earth when it comes to education? Not quite it seems that we are the 18th greatest nation in that respect. So there must be something else to support the greatest nation theory. Could it be our health system? Well let's look at the facts. The world health organization currently ranks the united stated health system at #34, and who beat us? France was number one. And 32 other countries like chili, Columbia and Saudi Arabia. We are ranked right between Costa Rica and Slovenia and only beat out Cuba by a cunt hair. So, are we number one based on health care? Id say no, more like 34th. Now don't get discouraged here, I mean you are living in the greatest nation on earth, surely there are other more important factors that contribute and elevate us to that number one position. Maybe it's our low unemployment rate. We are currently ranked with the 46th lowest unemployment rate, beaten out by countries such as the U.K., Japan and Mexico. But hey, we beat the other 153 nations on the list. Reporters with out borders ranked us at number 17 in the world for our great freedom of the press. We rank 4th in globalization and 15th in civil liberties, so no help there either. There is not much left to go on here. So i?m thinking our standard of living must be number one despite our shortcomings in education, health care, and civil liberties. Well we come in 11th in home ownership rates and 2nd in median household income, 8,000 dollars lower than the Swiss. None of this supports the greatest nation theory. In fact the UN has ranked us at number 8 on their index of living conditions which takes into account a countries country's standard of living, health care system, educational attainment, housing, cultural and recreational facilities, and level of public safety.
So when did 8th become number one? Well, lets look at the things we are number one in. We beat the Japan, the number two country in oil consumption by 188 billion gallons of oil per year, to clench the number one spot. We are the world's number one polluter. The US contains 4% of the world's population but produces about 25% of all carbon dioxide emissions. By comparison, Britain emits 3% - about the same as India, which has 15 times as many people. We do have the number one spot for military spending; in fact we spend more money on military funding than the next 12 countries combined. So, I would say that by any relevant measure the U.S. is not number one but in fact more like number eight. And I would even knock us down a few more spaces to account for our arrogant attitudes, greedy consumption of non-renewable natural resources, and blatant disregard for the environment. The next time I hear some yokel chanting U.S.A. is number one; i'm going to kick him in the nuts. If we had our way and the rest of the world lived as we do in America, the world would be a dumber place. Our standard of living would not rise but others would surely fall. The natural resources of the world would be quickly depleted and our atmosphere poisoned. Sounds like a great place to live. Fuck the U.S. and fuck every one of you fat, ignorant, greedy Americans who think you are number one. I used to be one of you, but I am not any more. Soon, I will leave and never look back. I will be more educated than you could ever hope to be. I will be healthier and freer than you. I will be better protected and more informed. I would spit on you from the real number one country, but eighth place is a long way back, and I don't think I have that good of aim.
brian w. scott � 2007