so tonight i drink to the realization that all of my unplesant and sobering thoughts are not just a mear shadow of reality. while one could argue that i have been too hard on myself and others, i see no other way. complacency is the trough where gluttony, sloth, and ignorance gather to feed. and while happiness has continued to elude me for my twenty six years in this world, i think it might be for the best. for happiness seem like a foreign land with foreign people speaking in foreign tongues. a place where i can visit, but might never belong. i cannot however allow a realization that happiness is a place where i do not belong to lead to complacency. for i fear losing the one reason i have continued on for so many years.
now is the time to abandon the illusions that clutter my life. so tonight we drink for the last time my friends. its time we said good bye. it is time i leave behind all of those who never really saw me for who i really am. you saw me as the anomic drunk, the arcane jester, the eccentric self observer. you saw me as a mear shadow, and never cared to find the person from which it was cast. you have burdened me with over dramatizations of petty social conflicts. you have held me back with ignorant and nonsensical banter. you have cast me down with your insufferable misconceptions of who i am. it is time for me to move on, to lose one of the chains that has bonded me for so long.
it was never really real to begin with.
spater