8/7/00
Monday
I haven't had too much to write about lately. I apologize for that. Not too much interesting has been going on in my life. Today, I worked for a few hours. It was really slow, so I didn't make too much money. I ended up with a wicked headache too.
The day actually started out badly. I woke up to the sound of my dad's voice nagging me. I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist (not to be confused with my psychologist, who I'm no longer seeing.) My dad called and rescheduled for tomorrow, though. It means I have to be awake by 11:30. To me, that's painfully early.
On Thursday, I have an appointment with my new (old) psychologist. He was the first one I visited, but we had to separate because he didn't carry my insurance. However, I'm going back before I go away to college. He knows I'm a pedophile, but he doesn't know I'm a necrophiliac. I think I'm going to say, "You know how I talk about wanting to have sex with little girls?" He'll say yes. "Well, it's not just little girls. Sometimes, I fantasize about having sex with dead girls." That should give him the picture.
If he asks, I'll tell him my fantasies about murdering various girls from school and what I would do with their bodies, including bathing with them, sleeping with them, having sex with them, and perhaps eventual cannibalism. Or I might hold off on the cannibalism. That just might seem a bit much to be believable. I'm sure he'll be interested by my complete lack of remorse.
My friend Jason kidnapped me at about one o' clock in the morning. I thought we were going out to do something interesting, but he ended up driving me almost to Kent, which is the most boring town in all of Connecticut. It sucks in the day. I can't imagine how dull it must be at night. Eleven miles before Kent, he turned around. Then, he tried to make me go to Denny's, which I absolutely refused to do. That violates my personal principals.
My friend Laura is interested in some guy. I was thinking about her earlier today. Laura and I have lots of fun when we joke around. Sometimes, I think that it might be cool to have her as a girlfriend, but I always quickly abandoned the notion. Our personalities are like positive magnets. We are similar, but we will always repel eachother. She seems like the kind of chick I'd like to have as a business partner, or even a criminal partner. As a couple, we'd never work. I'm too shy. She's too outgoing. She's too friendly. I'm too insane. Oh well, it's a happy thought. I don't have enough of those anymore.
I'm sensing a distance developing between Don Juan and myself. Our online conversations are becoming less frequent and less interesting. I know he's always playing this online game, but it's still disheartening. I could complain to him about it, but I'm sure he wouldn't care. I have to remember that I'm dealing with a detached personality much like my own. Sympathy isn't an affective tool.
I've started writing my book. I hope it comes out well.