8/5/00
Ho, Please!
I did something good today. I had a psychologist appointment at 1 o' clock and, as some of you may know, I do not like my psychologist. I think she is incompetant and I don't feel comfortable with her at all. (Note: my psychologist was a woman. NOT a good thing.) Well, today I broke off our meetings. I told her that I didn't think we were making any progress.
For one thing, I can't share my fantasies about pedophilia and necrophilia with her. It's too hard for me to say out loud. I'm not exactly embarassed, but try telling someone you fantasizing about raping dead children. It's tricky. I gave her some stories I'd written that obviously point out that I have sexual longings for children, but she never read them.
Also, my psychologist laughs at things that aren't supposed to be funny. I told her, "I don't have any real affection for my parents. I just see them as means of getting what I want like money, food, and a car." When I told her that, expressing my absolute lack of compassion for my parents, she laughed. How is that funny? Why would ANYONE laugh at that?
She misdiagnosed everything. She tried to attribute most of my problems to a fear of crowds. However, she doesn't understand that it isn't crowds that bothers me. It's one-on-one contact with people, mainly girls. I tried to tell her, but she just didn't get it.
I explained to her that I always feel as if I'm on the brink of exploding in anger. I told her that, when I see pretty, scantily-clad girls, I have the almost irresistable urge to beat them to death with my bare hands. I told her that all my violent, angry thoughts involved women. Any reasonally intelligent person would attribute my anger to women issues. Did my shrink? No! Of course not! According to her, I'm angry because I'm limbo between high school and college. That is just insulting.
She always wanted to talk about my anger and my social interactions, when I was really there to be treated for my depression. I wanted to talk about suicide and how I feel when I'm alone, but she insisted on talking about me with other people. I'm not a people person. I have problem with that. I just want to be mentally stable, but she digs too deep, trying to solve problems that don't need solving.
So, I talked to my dad and he's setting me up with my old psychologist, who I liked and respected. He (emphasis on the word "he") always hit the nail on the head, when it came to my problems. The transition from pedophilia (which he knows about) to necrophilia (which he doesn't know about) should be easy since they both stem from my fear of girls. I'm actually looking forward to it.
Oh, and one more thing:
Who you think taught you to smoke trees?
Transsexual Misconceptions
I have three pet peeves, which I shall discuss:
One, I hate it when people use the microwave, but don't clear the digital display. It's not really a big deal, but it's annoying because I always lose a few seconds when I start pressing buttons without realizing it isn't clear. It's such an easy thing to do, though. I always complain when my parents do it.
Two, I hate it when girls listen to Eminem. A majority of his songs are about killing women! Why on Earth would girls listen to it? Because they think he's cute? That's typical of women, who are always shallow and stupid. When I tell a girl I want to kill her, she doesn't get all happy about it. They bitch and whine and annoy me. It's just ridiculous. If Eminem rapped about killing Morgan Cole, I wouldn't listen to him. It's just a matter of principal that I don't buy the merchandise of people who want to slit my throat.
Three, I hate it when people refer to pre-op transsexuals (transsexual who have not yet been castrated) as "him" or "he." True, she has a penis, but that's only temporary. Aside from that one tiny detail, everything else about her is female. Some are actually quite attractive. I explained this to Don Juan saying, "I don't think they spend thousands of dollars on therapy, hormones, electrolysis, and surgery to be called 'him.'" He was upset, calling me bisexual or something.
I can understand if he's in a bad mood, though. He had his urethra swabbed.
Readers, help me out
As some of you know, horror novelist Stephen King is writing a book on the Internet, downloadable for about a dollar an episode. As some of you also know, I'm planning on writing a new book. I was thinking that maybe I should post each chapter on my site, so readers can download it as it progresses, free of charge. If anyone would be interested, please eMail me. I'm not going to bother if no one is interested. The book is to be entitled: "The Phobic" and it is about a gay serial killer. It's not a cheesey splatter-fest. It will be very thoughtful and well-researched, as well as being entertaining and scary. eMail me at [email protected] and tell me what you think.