8/3/00
Fetishes - To Beast or not to Beast
I was chatting online with Don Juan and I asked him if he'd like to go slaughter some animals when he returned home from college - just for kicks. Lately, I've been thinking of sneaking out to farms or whatever and killing some animals to satiate my blood lust until I kill a human. I thought Don Juan might be interested. He demurred, saying "animals are boring." Then, he asked me a question, which gave me pause. He said, "Would you fuck it after it was dead?"
It's been nagging me ever since. I never really considered myself to have any predisposition to bestiality. I enjoy pictures of women being fucked by dogs or blowing horses. Of course, I enjoy that just to watch the women behave in such a repulsive way. I'm not turned on by the animals themselves. Once, I saw a picture of a girl (probably about eight) having her vagina licked by a puppy black lab. I loved that pic, but I lost it :(
So, if given the opportunity, would I fuck an animal? There is precedent. Peter Kurten, a vicious vampire serial killer in Germany from the thirties used to stab animals while he was raping them. Jeffrey Dahmer used to dissect animals and masturbate on them. So did Edmund Kemper. Basically, I'm trying to establish that I would be in good company.
I wouldn't really know where to begin. First of all, what kind of animal should I choose? I can't do a horse or a cow. They're too big. Cats, squirrels, and racoons are too small. Goats are feasible, but that really makes me feel like a redneck farmer. Of the more common animals, I imagine dogs are the best bet.
OK, let's say I've got a dog. What now? Do I fuck it doggystyle or missionary position or what? Then, there is the whole issue of vaginal vs. anal. Anal would probably be simpler, but dogs got all kinds of nasty up in their intestinal tracks. I don't even know where a female dog (a bitch) has its vagina. Also, I have the feeling that raping an animal would leave me wholly unsatisfied.
But don't despair, loyal readers. I have come up with a plausible solution. I can simply integrate my necrophilia into my bestiality. I can kill the animal, then rape it. That way, I don't have to worry about my dick being bit off by some german shepard. Or, I can follow suit with my buddy Jeff Dahmer. I can kill the animal and mutilate its corpse, then masturbate over the carcass. For added fun, I could do the mutilating naked. I could even piss on the animal to integrate my piss fetish. Woo boy!
However, I realize that thoughts are far from actions. It's just good to keep these little ideas in mind.
Apologies
I apologized to Mike, Jenn, John, and Jason for involving them in my evil schemes. I just realized that a big mistake I'd made. However, I know I'll never be able to face Jenn again. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to talk to her. Any comfort I experienced around her is gone now. I fucked up big time.
I want to kill myself, but no one believes me or cares.
To Err on the Side of Caution
Some people think it is better to err on the side of caution. As in, better safe than sorry. According to this logic, it's good to have a backup plan, even if you're not sure you'll need it. Tonight, I made errors for safety's sake. I denied my inner demons for fear of the law.
I was working, you see. I work for a company called Dining Express, which delivers food from local restaraunts to homes. I'm a "Mobile Waiter." That means I'm the poor sucker who has to cart the food hither and tither. As I was working, opportunity knocked several times, but I kept a cool head and did not yield to my secret longings.
At one house, I was greeted by a cute little blonde, followed closely by her father. What would have happened if I'd grabbed the girl, ran for my car, and drove off? Chances are, he'd either catch me or he'd call the company, so the police could trace me. Needless to say, I didn't grab her.
I arrived at another house where I think a girl was babysitting, because she was all alone and there were no cars in the driveway. I think she was a year or two younger than me. She was quiet and seemed eager to have me gone. I could have charged her and killed her, but I didn't. She wasn't that hot, anyway.
At another house, there were two teenage girls alone. Same story, I could have murdered and raped them both, but the crime would be easily detectable. Police would check phone records, find out that they'd called Dining Express, find out who made the order, find out who delivered the order, and arrest him. I'd be fucked. I had another similiar occurance with a single woman in her twenties.
It just goes to show you that I'm not completely insane. I'm not a slave to my depraved fantasies. I control who I kill or do not kill, not my id. Still, it's a lot of strain. Perhaps it will cause me to crack and explode in a frenzy of carnage. That would be a sight!
When I was driving, I considered unbuckling my seatbelt and flooring the car into a tree. I would certainly die and probably quickly. The only that scares me is the flight from the seat to the trunk of the tree, with my body tearing through the windshield. I am old enough to buy a rifle. I could use that too. Again, I say, no one believes me or cares.