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“You know that I love you,” Tom said quietly, leaning close to her.
“I know you do,” she replied, wrapping her arms around him.
“Then you know why I have to go.” There was nothing but silence after that. Deidre stared long and hard into his deep blue eyes, trying to fathom what life would be like in during his absence. He was the one who kept her sane, kept her from reverting back to her old ways. If he hadn’t come into her life, she would have been a ship lost at sea, searching, hoping to find a port, a place to stay warm and safe during the tumultuous storms of life.
“It’s your duty,” she said after a moment. “I understand that, but don’t try and tell me that you’re doing the right thing. This whole war is a joke, Tom.”
They had been together five years and in those five years, they had become soul mates. It didn’t start out like that. They loved each other, but had not connected on that level at first. It took the birth of the boys to show them that they were truly made for each other. Together they had created two perfect little people, two sweet and loving children who they would do anything, everything for.
Deidre reached out again, wanting to pull Tom close and kiss his soft lips, but her arms only found the air. Tom was no longer standing in front of her. He was far away from her now, still in sight, but too far away to touch. She wanted to run to him, wanted to smother him with kisses and tell him again how much she loved him, but she could not move. She was frozen in place, no control over her limbs, no power to call out to him and tell him one last time how much her heart ached for his return.

Deidre woke from her slumber with a bad taste in her mouth. She looked around at the dark room, the shadows suffocating her. She flipped on the light and grabbed the glass of water from the nightstand. As she sipped the cool, albeit metallic tasting, water she glanced over at the empty spot next to her. Tom was gone and he was never coming back. Deidre didn’t know what she would do without him, just that she somehow needed to get by. In their short time together, Tom had become part of her and the loss was like the loss of a limb that she hoped beyond hope would be there when she woke at the end of each night.
Glancing over at the clock, she frowned. Five-thirty, the sun wasn’t even up yet. This was a new experience for her. Most of her young life had been spent partying and doing only for herself. She often missed the old life, the late hours, the refreshing cocktails that were usually paid for by some poor sap that hoped to take her home at the end of the night. It never happened, though. She was loose and fun but far from promiscuous. Things were different now. There were so many more important things going on in her life. Responsibilities she never saw herself having.
Letting forth a deep sigh, she climbed from the bed, stretching and trying to work out the knot in her back. It was time for a new bed, she knew, but the money just wasn’t there for those sorts of pleasantries. There were a myriad of expenses that made her head spin every single time she tried to put them down on paper, to create a budget that she could work from. There was no sense in it, though. There was no sense at all in her nonsense world of early hours and screaming babies. The twins were quiet now for the first time in a long time. Thrush had crept into their lives and made things miserable for a while. This was the first full night of sleep that Deidre had had since their birth. Tom had been there every single step of the way. He was much more excited than she had been, much more.
Shuffling into the kitchen, she flipped on the light over the sink. She hated utilitarian fluorescents and felt they had no place in people’s homes, but there was nothing she could do about that. The apartment was not where she had hoped to be living at this point in her life. There seemed to be a layer of dirt on everything that Deidre, no matter how hard she tried, could not eliminate. Her mother had been over a few days before and didn’t hesitate to point out the grime on everything. What her mother didn’t understand was that cleanliness was the furthest thing from Deidre's mind. The only true obligation she had was to the boys. She made sure they were fed and had plenty of time to play and learn. Sesame Street took care of the learning part. She had always wanted to be the one teaching them about shapes and numbers, but she could never seem to fit it into her hectic schedule. Sesame Street was fine.
Deidre poured what remained of the coffee into the coffee machine and sat down at the kitchen table. She sorted through a stack of bills that she didn’t have the money to pay. Her car payments as well as several credit card payments were farther behind than she would have liked. But what could she do about that? There just was no money. No money that she was willing to allocate away from her children. Every single dime she spent was for their benefit. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had bought herself anything. Not that that really mattered to her. Her life was for the children and nothing else. Her old life seemed further and further away with each passing moment.
A frightened cry sounded from the children's room. She sprang from her chair, and walked into the bedroom where found the oldest twin, Jason, stood in his crib, rubbing his eyes and crying softly. He pointed to the open closet door. Deidre hit herself. The boys hated when she left the closet door open because their uncle had stupidly told them that monsters lived in closets. She wanted to call him up and thank him for that in a manner he wouldn’t be expecting. It did make her smile, though. Her brothers had been so supportive since Tom died. They were over almost every day to entertain the boys and supplied her with money whenever they could. She had never expected them to come to her aid like they had. They had never been a close-knit clan, but when Tom died, they were right there to support her.
Sweeping Jason into her arms, she kissed him on the forehead and made gentle whooshing sounds, eventually returning him to a semblance of calm. Before he had gone away, Tom had sung them a song that always made them feel at ease no matter the situation. Deidre found herself singing that very same song for Jason, chasing away all his fears with each calming verse. She set him back down in the crib and continued the song in a soft hum. Jason closed his little eyes and fell fast asleep. Deidre watched him for a moment and then crept from the room to get a cup of coffee.
After fixing her morning pick me up, she ambled into the living room. The boys would be asleep for a few more hours, so she took the opportunity to flip on the news. The first words she heard were “another soldier killed in Iraq”. She swallowed hard and forced herself to watch the news report. She nearly broke down into tears when she saw the death and destruction, the soldiers lying on the ground, bloody and lifeless. Someone somewhere was watching the same report and seeing their son or husband or brother dead for the entire world to see. Killed for reasons that Deidre pretended to understand, but really didn’t. There was never any excuse for the ending of human life. No religious precept or political agenda could justify it. Her eyes crept along the wall, studying the pictures of Tom looking handsome and confident in his uniform. He had loved his country and would have done anything to protect it. But what had he been doing in Iraq? Who had he been fighting for? All the reasons and explanations for his and many other’s transport to a dangerous and explosive foreign region were not good enough for the wives, brothers, mothers, fathers and husbands of all those that died. No reason was good enough for the loss of someone you loved. Her eyes stopped on the American flag sitting in the wooden box on the mantle. She ran a single finger across the dusty glass. Was this the thanks of a grateful nation? Was this the price of one man’s life? She would have a hard time forgiving them for taking her husband. She would never forgive them for taking a father from his sons. Deidre turned on her heels and walked into the boy’s room. She smiled at both of them, sleeping soundly in their beds. As long as they lived, they would know the man she loved. They would know their father. Whether or not they hated or loved the country that sent him to die, she would leave up to them.