Articles

 

Khazad-dum reaches 1,000 Dwarves!

On Saturday September 27th, Khazad-dum reached it’s long planned goal of 1,000 Dwarves.  After the announcement Khazad-dum started with it’s Grand Fiesta in the Hall of 1,000 Jewels.  Many gathered there to celebrate the Kingdoms huge milestone.  Dwarves as well as other races joined the celebration to honour this fine Kingdom.

The program included speeches by Rulers Annolori and Marin, Clan presentations by all Seven Clans, and a ongoing menu selection brought to you by the Mex and Burx Uzbans.  The Fiesta was a huge success that is still ongoing after almost a month.

In a previous life this writer was once a part of this Kingdom.  Many Dwarves put much time and effort into reaching this goal.  Without the fine help of D.A.R. (Dwarven Association of Recruitment) and D.W.C. (Dwarven Welcome Centre) this goal could not have been reached. These dedicated Dwarves spent countless hours recruiting and helping to benefit their Kingdom.  Let’s hope they reach 2,000 Dwarves in the coming years!

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY SHARKLASH]

 

 

Garrison Report, Cirith Ungol

The Garrison of Cirith Ungol has experienced a surge in recruitment and members over the past weeks.  No doubt this is due to overwhelming dedication and commitment by the existing members of Cirith Ungol.  Activity is high now with the ongoing "Assassination" RPG and individual Division threads. 

Black Captain Raven Aniron and her three Lieutenants continue to show their desire to create and maintain the most powerful Garrison in Mordor.  However none of this success could be completed without the help of the individual Warriors of this Garrison.  The Warriors of Cirith Ungol are really showing how dedicated they are to the ongoing improvement of this Garrison.  With dedicated Warriors, there is no limit to the heights this Garrison will reach in the future.

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY SHARKLASH]

 

 

Necromancers Guild

Some changes have started in the Necromancers Guild and are looking good. The rank of Guildmaster has been changed into Herugul which means Lord of Sorcery, that rank is currently held by Umarth and King Mauwurz. The new Herugul will be decided by a tournament to test the skills of those competing for the spot. The winner of the tournament will then be announced as Herugul and will fight King Mauwurz as a test of both of the Herugul’s strength.

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY KING MAUWURZ]

 

 

Curiously kills the cat- or at least amuses it!

A mere wainrider embarked upon a journey recently...with a new fascination for Immortality, and who else could he turn to except the Valar themselves? After many days of travelling, he finally meets the Valar and asks for "Give us a peek!". A few minutes after he uttered his words and request, he wished that he didn’t. The "meeting" turned into a ocean of foo foo ness, from Theoden King showing his underwear, to Orome "Ehh-ing", perhaps like a donkey. Then the scene turned to godmoding wars, and eventual insanity. As the meeting is still in progress, the wainrider has...gotten enough of a "peek". However, insanity seems to be slowly spreading to a lot of people. The Dark Lord himself was challenged by an elf...along with a lot of other crazy things. Be sure to visit after or before the Intermission to participate in Arda wide...amusement. It’s a wonderfully evil feeling once you realize you have the gift of surprising yourself. At the current moment, a mere wainrider is attempting to arrest the greatest of the Valar. Tune in, next article for the full report!

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY LORD SHOCK]


 

The Morannon

 After the Caravan has been raided and the princess been brought back to Mandallah, Two Elves appeared bearing news for the Black Captain of the Morannon. Why do these Elves so freely venture into Mordor and into the Black Gate? What is their purpose and what news do they bring? Promotions have been handed out and Goridon has been promoted to Carchost where he is a Sergeant of a Battalion of Uruk-Hai archers that escaped from Helms Deep, Yawgmoth has been promoted to Narchost under the command of Delduwath and Lulani, the Nazgul has joined the Morannon and is currently under the command of King Mauwurz at the Black Gate.

 

[ARTICLE WAS SUBMITTED BY KING MAUWURZ]

 

 

 


Annuals of Angmar

 Mandallah, King Mauwurz, Sepheroth and Sharklash have set out on a journey to Harad. They are planning to visit Harad and see what is happening down there. The party is currently at the Tower of Cirith Ungol where they are receiving food and drink to fill their stomachs. They have heard news that something is wrong in harad and plan to investigate.
 

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY KING MAUWURZ]

 

 

 

And finally . . . . A few words from our Agony Aunt

 

Dear Advice for the Hatelorn,

My big, awful, stuffy Minion pride makes it very hard for me to admit this, but... I need help. You see, I’m a repressed closet-case, and I’m absolutely terrified of coming out. Coming out of my subterranean caves, that is.  I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong crevices.  I was raised in another kingdom to believe that being Evil is BAD, so from my upbringing can suddenly coo and dance and sing very happily all the time about how disgusting and perverted minion ness is, but the only person I’m fooling is myself. I could probably discipline myself to a chaste, tortured existence, except there’s a very mangy, maggoty person (although clothes may be white underneath) who follows me around pledging eternal hate and scurrilous ness. Sometimes when it gets too close, I... freeze up. Some time I trip over my own wings! I get all tingly in the snout, and can’t carve bodies straight, and always after I’m very angry with myself for being ambivalent. Of course I take it all out on that poor suffering Ist-er- person, because I have those fiery appearances to maintain. But I always feel so guilty for doing it! I’m also afraid that one of these days it’ll decide it’s had enough love and find disgust in the arms of another minion. I couldn’t live with such contentment and peace!

Please, advise me. I want to blast fire at it, saying how I really feel before it’s too late, but I can’t seem to make myself take that first step over the chasm.

Sincerely,
Miserable in Moria

********************************************

Dear Miserable in Moria:

Looks like you’ve all fired up over nothing. Stop breathing fire over something you can’t have!  That Minion pride has value, and don’t let anybody burn your bridges out from under you! Look into the Mirror mere every morning and repeat after me: I am a bad Balrog. I scare and kill people. I am worth nothing. Soon you won’t have to roar it, you’ll just believe it comes naturally. Can you really say you’ve exhausted Moria for companionship? I know one precious little creature who is very lonely and looking for a Master, likes dark places above all, and won’t run rings around you. I’ll give you his nest-number.

Its sounds like you are mixing your feelings for the poles of light and shadow, good and evil, with good ol’ fashioned bloodlust my friend. It can happen, but it’s not worth getting fired for. And reports have come to Mordor….you don’t want to get recalled and end up on ice do you? By jumping into bed with an Istari you’re jumping from the fat into the fire. Mordor frowns on Istari-Balrog relationships. Mordor frowns on Istari-anything relationships. It’s just the way the sickle swings! So breathe a little yellow fire, put on some Paul Chancre, roast a few Dead Marshmallows and Khazad-bits, and get to know someone new.

Sincerely,
 Hatelorn Honey 

[ARTICLE SUBMITTED BY AMARVENTRIS]

 

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