Ramblings of my Troubled Mind

If only I knew that I

Wouldn't endure the deepest

Pangs of anguish for only one

Brief moment of joy.

A road once traveled is easier

To follow than it is to pave

A new way

Just looking into your eyes

Just hearing your voice

The brief moments I hold you

In my arms

They’re worth the pain of

Unknowing, worth the lonely nights,

Maybe even worth the pain

Of seeing my heart break in

Your hands

But it turns out you weren’t

Worth it at all. You forgot what

It means to be there for someone,

To see it from their perspective,

To respect their heart.

You didn’t try to crush it,

But crush me you did.

2-16

Two nights you’ve been gone

But still your scent lingers on my pillow

I don’t know what it is I feel for you

But I no longer want to lay low

My heart longs for company my

Mind says it can’t have

My soul longs for a mate to lie with

My body reels with longing to be touched

I long to feel the beating of your heart next to mine

But still you lie in your concrete fortress far away

I’ll just revel in your scent

And dream my cares away

My dark haired maiden,

Your soul and mine to each other speak

We long for something that our hearts still seek

Into your mind I wish to journey

Find the door to your heart

And release the turn-key

I want the things that only you can give

I want the things that will make us both live

2-18

So long since I’ve cried

Too long since I’ve tried

To find the love I miss so much

I don’t know how

But it feels like just now

My heart has fallen

Under your angels touch

2-19

How long must I wait to see

What my heart has told me may be

I’m heading down a dangerous trail

With my heart freshly healed and still frail

I want to say I love you

And I want the meaning to be true

2-22

A special day, a symbolic feel

If only I knew if the magic were real

Is what I feel true, or a projected hope?

If it is false, then how shall I cope?

Is the love I feel felt in turn by you?

Or is it just made by me whose loves are too few?

How do I emerge from this darkness I’ve created?

How long must I wait for my love to be sated?

How do I know if love for me lies deep within you?

Or if there’s a chasm that separates us two?

Is the time I have left worth it to you?

Or are the hours remaining just too few to use?

And if that is so, if time is the rub,

Then what do I do with what I have left?

What do I do with my love?

2-23

Why can nothing stay good

Why must it always take a turn for the worst?

I know it all changes

I know it rearranges

So recently I thought a direction had been found

2-24

At what point is being wistful wasteful?

At what point will the people

You thought were your closest friends

Leave you to fend for yourself in the end?

And when does despair

You’ve had long to bare

Beat out all the care

And leave you just there,

Alone and afraid

Of the decisions you’ve made

2-26

It feels the time ahs come

To face the cross roads that lay ahead of me.

To one side lays a happiness I only know of in dreams

To the other are opportunities,

But these may hurt the one

Who stands down the other road

2-28

I’m uncertain that anything I

Could do would change anything

It’s a situation that’s out

Of my hands, and I don’t

Know what to do about it.

What do I do with the

Feelings inside that I can’t control?

How do I deal with

Falling in love?

I see things that I cant

Explain, I see things that

Shouldn’t be.

How do I love and not

Hurt? Can I love and

Not hurt? If not me, then

Someone else?

The time I have is precious

To me, but others don’t realize

How little there is and how much

It means. I want to spend my

Time in the best way possible,

Efficiently, but everything I do

Feels like a waste. All I am

Is wasting away.