Subject: The dysfunctional card section of a Hallmark store...

> >> >
> >> > 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
> >> > that you've come into my life...
> >> > (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
> >> >
> >> > 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
> >> > (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
> >> >
> >> > 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
> >> > (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
> >> >
> >> > 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
> >> > (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
> >> > need it again.
> >> >
> >> > 5. Someday I hope to marry...
> >> > (Inside card) - Someone other than you.
> >> >
> >> > 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
> >> > (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
> >> >
> >> > 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
> >> > (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
> >> > promise.
> >> >
> >> > 8. We've been friends for a very long time...
> >> > (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
> >> >
> >> > 9. I'm so miserable without you...
> >> > (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
> >> >
> >> > 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
> >> > (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
> >> >
> >> > 11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there
> >> > was only one life jacket... > >> > (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
> >> >
> >> > 12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
> >> > birthday...
> >> > (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
> >> >
> >> > 13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
> >> > (Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)
> >> >
> >> > 14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but
> >> > wonder...
> >> > (Inside card) - What was I thinking?
> >> >
> >> > 15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
> >> > (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

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