| "I would have followed you my underling, my lackey, my kick stand." |
| Alex Alex is the leader of the Pink Ladies, and makes sure that fact is remembered often. His best friend in the world is Ryan, his second in command and lifelong buddy. Dispite the fact that he often chides Ryan for being insane, Alex loves Ryan like a brother and to be honest, is not actually all there himself. Loved by millions of women everywhere for his sexy body and dashing smile, Alex became a best selling pop star with his smash hit "Faster Harder Stronger". Alex is also a womanaholic, but is trying to cut down. Alex tries to appear all serious, but in actuallity he loves a good silly time just like Ryan does. With Alex however, he likes nothing better than to take on hundreds of gangsters single handedly, and then steal all their money when they are dead or unconcious. Perhaps the first thing one notices on meeting the leader of the Pink Ladies is that he knows far too many Lord of the Rings quotes, and uses them all too readily. |
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| The Characters! |
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| The Pink Ladies |
| "29 Mirv Burgers please. And no chicken heads." |
| Ryan It is hard to describe Ryan without using the word "freak". Imagine the most insane, flighty, silly, spontanious individual that you can think of, and then double that and you have a vague idea of what spending an afternoon with Ryan would be like. Ryan spends his time running into walls for amusment, naming his shoes (multiple times over with different names each time), eating ten tons of Mirv Burgers and trying to eat his own chin. He has no concept of cool or manly, he just acts how he wants, and very seldom does anyone else even enter into his own world, apparently because of the killer potatoes that guard his subconscious or something. Ryan actually knows magic, but nobody knows how or where he learned these tricks from, and it is rare for him to perform these skills in front of anyone unless you ask him nicely and offer to wash his socks. He is also known far and wide in the land of Nintendo, and is best friends with celebrities such as Mario, Bald Bull, Roll the snake, Rygar and Mother Brain. |
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| Spades Spades is the quintessential cliche gangster ... an out of date one at that. He lives and dies by the path of the Cool One, which he claims is an ancient but honourable way of ghetto living. He would sooner chop off his own thumb and feed it to his own blind Grandmother than act uncool. It is a pity then, and a tragic juxtaposition that Spades must come to terms with the fact that it is no longer cool to be cool ... Yes if that confuses you, imagine being him. |
| "Bling that ding, yo mofo dadio. Word. Northside." |
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| Bottles Bottles was born from a female clown and her clown husband in a circus. They were insane and every day used to throw pies at Bottles while chasing him with a lion and a whip. They would sometimes use Bottles in their acts as the baby on the railway lines, or the baby about to be eaten by a lion. When Bottles was 12, he finally escaped his insane parents and joined a truck driving company, where he worked as the spare tire. As you can imagine, this could mess anyone up. Bottles is, understandably, a coward. He is truly messed up, and is afraid of people, the sky, sponges, fish, closed spaces, open spaces, spaces, and shopping bags. Bottles is also a genius. But this is obvious because he wears glasses. |
| "Do we have to go out and fight enemy clans? Can't we stay in and watch a movie?" |
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| Jackie Jackie was born in China, where he learned many deadly martial arts with his master, Deilin Chi. He was an upholding citizen, a good moral man, and he did a lot of work for charity. But then he moved to River City. Since then he has become a proficient thief, so much so that he could likely steal a waking person�s bogey from out of their nose without them either knowing he was there. Jackie has a slight problem. He is an avid Playstation fan, and hates Nintendo (well, nobody is perfect). This creates a slight paradox for him because he appears to be stuck in a Nintendo land, every day meeting characters he knows nothing about, or hates with a vengeance. He does conceed, however that his loading time has been vastly increased on moving from Playstation to NES. |
| "Screw you Mario!" |
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| Speed Speed has his nickname because he is constantly hyper. Well ... that and he is a druggie. Speed is Human destruction personified. Every tablet, pill, shot, powder and plant is not safe with Speed around. If he finds something that even looks like a drug, he�ll find a way of putting it into his body. He is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, Heroine Addicts Anonymous, Cocaine Sniffers Anonymous, Red Bull Quaffers Anonymous, and Chalk-Powderholics Anonymous. But he doesn�t go to their meetings to give them up, more to find dealers. Speed is a constant marvel of Human endurance and people are often baffled as to why he isn�t dead yet. He does however make a very good fighter, because he�s too brain dead to feel a thing. |
| "This is good stuff ... what do you call it? ... Rat Poison you say? Yep, good stuff." |
| Resident Evil Known the rest of the gang simply as �Eve� for short, Resident Evil, or Marty Bonfire as his parents named him, is more than simply crazy, he is beyond evil and into the realms of puppy dicing, baby eating, and knitting. Evil is sometimes kept on a chain to be released and pushed in the general direction of anyone the gang want eaten alive, regurgitated, peed on, and then danced on the grave of. He is the weapon X of the Pink Ladies, and a vicious, bloodthirsty, evil maniac would likely swallow his own sister whole rather than look at her. It is a mystery what drove Evil to such dark pits of twisted hate, but it is widely assumed that it came from him reading a Harry Potter book once. |
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| Glass Joe Glass Joe is officially the worst boxer in the history of boxing. Known in close fighting circles as �One Punch Joe�, he is widely considered the most feeble man in all existence, even more so than David Beckham Joe is French, and considers himself a lover, not a fighter. It is puzzling then, how Joe decided to be a fighter in the first place, but his manager would tell you that it is because he nearly didn�t get knocked out by a 6 year old girl once, and this boosted his confidence. Joe left the NBA (Nintendo Boxing Association) after he was beaten to a pulp for the 100th consecutive time by Little Mac. Unable to give up fighting entirely, he joined the Pink Ladies, where he has proceeded to be knocked out by all manner of small pebbles that have tripped him up. Joe has a pet Goomba named Squashy, whom he uses to cushion his many falls. |
| "LETS KIIIIIIIIIILL SOMETHING!!!!" |
| "Hey don't hit my jaw! I need that for eating stuff!" |