| Sometimes I wish I hadn't eaten all the other men. Trying to discuss Boyd movies with Mrs. MacCready is like discussing corn with a mule. I say, "Quite an adventurous life this Errol led, eh?" She babbles, "Dear God, and did you see those bouncing buttocks? You could bowl ninepins with 'em, that you could." **** |
 |
| It was entertaining to watch, but it didn't really impress or stick with me much. ** |
| Flynn |
 |
 |
|
| (All ratings are entirely my own opinion, because I have the knife) |
| F.W. Colqhoun's Movie Reviews: Page 3 |
| I sat back and waited for the usual cast of cardboard characters to mouth their trite lines before being devoured by whatever monster was on the loose this time. Only these characters behaved in humorous and unexpected ways, like real people. *** |
| Russell Crowe is a cyborg. Stuff gets blown up. ** |
| Major Knox is still playing chess with chowderheads. He's an entertaining fellow; he even tastes funny. ** |
| Virtuosity |
|
| Slither |
|
| How can you go wrong with a squid map and a possum carcass? *** |
| 28 Days Later |
|
| Walk the Line |
|
| Snakes on a Plane |
| Johnny Cash tended to wander off key and Joaquin doesn't; otherwise he has the deep, mournful voice down amazingly well. He conveys Johnny's hurt and vulnerable side very touchingly without being smarmy. **** |
| I was never big on Johnny Cash before, but now I have to listen to "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" at least once a week. It's opened up a whole new world of gawth classic country music appreciation for me. Mrs. MacCready says all that plus Joaquin makes it top-drawer. ***** |
| (I also have a split personality) |
| Basically, everyone needs to see this movie at least once. They may hate themselves afterwards, but this is retarded internet meme history in the making. *** |
| Samuel Jackson vs a planeload of snakes. If that makes you smile, you'll like this movie. *** |
| I like most zombie movies, and this was most zombie movies. They tried to get all edgy and ground-breaking with the hyper-moving zombies, and it worked pretty well within the movie, but I just hope it doesn't spawn a whole new wave of stupid zombie cliches, ala "Braaaaains." *** |
| OldYellerphobia! Horrifying opening, scary premise, steady buildup of tension. The characters were real and sympathetic enough to make Mrs. MacCready care whether they lived or died. **** |
|
| I was enjoying what I thought was a well-told version of the Bell Witch legend until, ten minutes from the end, someone killed the writers and a belligerent social worker took over, leaving the movie with more loose ends than Donald Sutherland's wig. Tragic. * |
| An American Haunting |
| Mrs. MacCready admired the billowing greatcoat in the horseback chase scene, but the movie's still roots. * |
|
| Someone decided to make a movie about some people who go into a cave and find something scary. Instead of all men, they're all women. Instead of men in coats and heavy clothes, because caves are, as you know, cold, they're women in sleeveless shirts. Instead of going into the cave to rescue Mrs. MacCready, they to into the cave to go into a cave. Instead of the remains of a cannibal feast, they find a nest of Batboys. Then they start screaming and turning on each other. Much as I enjoy the sight of people panicking, I had already fallen asleep by then. * |
| The Descent |
| I thought it started out okay, as these movies go, but they relied much too heavily on loving closeups of guys in Rubber Johnny suits and on ludicrous Lara Croft fight scenes. The plot holes were laughable, as were the two exciting twists: (1) "The reason we're in this cave and not the one you all thought we were in is because I'm really, really stupid!" and (2) "It's time for everyone in the movie to die, so I'll kill you and then have a pointless hallucination involving my pointless subplot." And how did the creatures evolve into total blindness if they periodically go up to the surface (you know, where there's all that light and stuff)? Not to mention: they also randomly lose the ability to smell, touch, and hear whenever it's convenient for the characters. * |
|
| (SPOILERS, but I'm doing you a favor. You don't want to watch this) |
| Wicker Man |
| The original has Christopher Lee. The remake has Nicholas Cage. Which version is better? I'm only going to say: Could anything (besides me) be more frightening than this? **** |
 |
|
| 28 Weeks Later |
| What can I say? I'm it it! *** |
| Mrs. MacCready says she liked the original better, so I ate her. *** |
 |