Cleavesadvice

BAD ADVICE

Welcome to Private Cleaves' Advice Column

(Private Cleaves has been in the Army for more years than he can remember and is still a private. But that's only because he can't be busted any lower. Cleaves is an expert on peace pipes and their contents, and has been known to cook semi-edible meals. His advice should not be followed.)

Featured Dilemma:

What to tell the general

Dear Cap'n Boyd,

If there's one thing I learned in the Army, it's that no good ever come of tellin' an officer the truth. (No offense.)

My advice to you is, tell the general a bar et your company. Personally, I think you gone loco and you're the reason nobody come back.

Good luck!
Private Cleaves

Dear Private Cleaves,

My company was killed and eaten by a man named Colqhoun, who is a weendigo and has super-human strength and powers of recovery.

As the lone survivor of the attack, I feel it is my duty to tell our commander, General Slauson, the truth about what happened. However, I'm almost sure he won't believe me, especially because, in order to gain the strength to return to my station, I was forced to eat Private Reich.

What do you think, Private Cleaves? Should I tell the truth? Or leave out the part about the weendigo and my unauthorized snack? I need you to tell me what to do.

Sincerely,
Captain Boyd
Fort Spencer, CA.

Give hymn a hand

Dear Private Cleaves,

I''m writing a religious hymn. Can you think of a rhyme for "Lervant?"

Sincerely,
Private Toffler
Fort Spencer, CA

Dear Private Toffler,

"Dervant."

Good luck!
Private Cleaves

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Private Cleaves may be a little slow answering mail this week because he called Boyd loco.

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