I left home after work, about six o'clock in the evening. It was a very cold and windy night. (Bet you thought I'd say dark and stormy night, didn't you?)The wind chill was about -20 degrees, but I was not all that concerned... full tank of gas, muffler replaced, tires checked, a good heater.. it was, after all, only seventeen miles.

I drove out of town into the darkness...radio cranked up, listening to the music you're hearing now... "Jump"... because it's good "driving" music....... and, mulling over in my mind which store I'd shop at first.

Already, I had mentally purchased everything on my list.

About half way there, I heard a sound. Not really a sound...it was a ROAR!!

"Shoot," I thought, "that's the muffler... It's come off the car!!"

As I hit the brake, I looked in the rear view mirror, back into the darkness. What I saw, looked as though the car and I had just hit the atmosphere... sparks flying, like my own private fireworks.... just like a scene straight out of StarWars....


I cursed silently as I pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder.
I got out and looked under the car. The front of the muffler had slipped off the piece of exhaust pipe and was now well embedded into the gravel, and by golly, as I looked around in the darkness, there was not one single house light to be seen.... nowhere to even walk for help....OH, GOODY!
I could see an entrance road into a field just a little ways ahead, and since I was not very far off the road, I decided that it would be better if I pulled the car into the field road until I could figure out what to do with the loose muffler. I got back in the car, put it in gear, and slowly stepped on the accelerator.

It would not move...not at all.

"Duh!", I thought, "of course it won't move, you idiot, the muffler is dug into the gravel, it won't go forward. YOU ARE STUCK RIGHT HERE!"
I got back out, and tried to kick it loose. I crawled under the car and tried to dig the gravel away from it. Nothing worked. And it was cold.
I finally backed the car up a bit.
"OK, sit here awhile and just wait. This stretch of road is well patroled by the county sheriff's department and the state patrol...not to worry...someone is bound to stop."

I shouldn't have been so optimistic.

Well, of course now, besides being half frozen to death, the thought that with my emergency flashers blinking, I'd probably run the battery down... and the feeling of impending doom starting to creep into my mind.....

I HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

Well, swell... isn't this nice?

At this point, I was thinking that even if the likes of Jack the Ripper stopped and offered help, I would gladly accept. It was THAT cold.
I started the car, deciding that if I had to sit there, I may as well be warm.
I sat,
and I sat,
and I SAT.
And I REALLY had to go to the bathroom.
I then decided that NO ONE would ever stop, so it was me against the car..plain and simple. I got out, opened the trunk and started digging... Aha! a piece of string! I crawled back under the car, wiggled and pulled until I was finally able to get the muffler to move. I was fortunate that the clamps on the back were not very tight, so I could swing the muffler around parallel to the bumper. I got the string tied onto the muffler and prepared to tie it to the bumper..nope, couldn't do it. I opened the trunk and could tie it to an opening in the trunk latch, that would work! .... success!!!
By this time, at least ten cars had sped on by... I was now three quarters frozen, and yes, I STILL HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM...And it was VERY cold.
Just as I was tying the last knot in the string, a car stopped. A nice young fellow asked if there was anything he could do...... well, that redeemed my faith in the human race again!! He checked the car over, and said he was really sorry for not being able to help me out any more than he had....and left.
I slowly pulled back onto the highway and headed home...wondering what I had ruined by all of my yanking and pulling.... And hoping that I could make it back to town.
I did get back to town, and luck was with me, that the service station was open yet where I had the work done. They fixed it right away, apologizing profusely the whole time.
I didn't yell at them.
I was too cold.
And I never did go shopping that night.....
but the service station DID have a very nice bathroom.

Copyright 1999-2001
Janet Nix

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