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13/8/2001:1415:
DAMN.got a distress call from my mum who in turn who got the distress call from my granny.and in turn i gave my better half a distress call.damn.how can they not trust me?they should know better.that's all i can say.so sad when the level of trust is not there.sob sob.*sighs*
14/8/2001:0225:
can't sleep either.jus woke up from sleep.had a scary dream.was shoved out n left there.*shudders*.had a chat with my mum over dinner.i think i'm understanding the situation.they care so much about me.i appreciate what has been provided for me by the 3 of them.my pillar of strength.my comfort pillow.they have always been there for me.they don't wanna get disappointed n so do i.jus that sometimes their love is overbearing.
but things are ok.between me n my mum.but what abt me and my other half??i think it's not for the moment
1115:woke up at 0715 and had to rush.ok afny,next time must sleep early, no matter what.some sort of cleared things up.whatever lies ahead, i'm jus gonna be prepared for it, good or bad, sour or sweet.and again, i must apologise.thank you very much for your concern.all of you.i can never ask for more.
yeah..n that siti who poked my vein..wah lau..my left arm is still pinkish red.knn.what if the vein suddenly popped out and i'm gonna bleed myself to death?would anybody miss me?would anyone give an f?would anyone comfort me?then again, i have always think too much.too emo.and dragged everybody down with me.*sighs*maybe for once, i need to relax.
1145:liz's playing "when you're gone" by cranberries.yani's singing and i'm going "hmm".ha..jus remembered.during SA class, randy was looking at our direction and doing that goldfish look.it could either one of us, my bet was on that bedah.n so out of sudden i started to giggle.n bedah noticed.n bedah started to go"what?what?"n liz was going "ha?" sounds childish but, it's weird, u know?and i swear i heard MTV instead of NPV.and that counting ROI is fun.for the ist time, i didn't dread maths.n that's a progress by afny's standard.oh n regarding this site, rite, i have no theme n ideas in mind on what i should do next.maybe jus follow the flow and chill ah.relak one korner.and that incubus song,"drive" keeps on playing in my head."whatEver tomorrow brings i'll be there"
15/08/2001 0045:the pain won't go away still.aches all over.and suddenly stp's interstate love song is my mind."promises of what I seemed to be only watched the time go by,all of these things you said to me"dunno know why.i guess i'm lost,and confused.nothing's gonna be the same again.denial mode for now.don't bother.
0950:so still at home when i should be in my wdd class.i'm still tired.been having freaky dreams.this time, i was alone again while crosing the traffic lights, u know the one near hmv?sheesh.this has got to stop.i worry too much.i got the keys in my hands. i can choose what i wanna do.my mother once said that sometimes i care too much about people around me that i get numb with my own feelings.yeah, she's rite.i love my mum.*sighs*
16/08/2201 0110:bad bad bad.another broken promise by me.but wtf, sampoerna never tasted better.n re was goin "sit afny sit!u must not n can't!"oh well.i think i'm having aws now.yeah.figured out what to do.go to some npc,show em my hand n say that i wanna turn myself in.sometimes it's a wonder that people fill up ur heads with ideas n that how dumb enuff for u to (a)follow em. or (b)over react.feelin a bit better now.water has always this calming effect on me.yeah.. n yani,next time, we must concentrate ah girl..otherwise we'll end up in one end of s'pore without realising it. n u know how dumb n blur i can get.but thanks.yeah.. and i hope i can go for that 3 day thing at KT.need a break to clear my brain...yeah.
16/08/2001 1415:feeling much better now, in a sense.but jus wanna sleep.this is another case of afny gone emo.my fault.don't stop whatever you are doing jus because of me.i don't want to be a hindrance or a nuisance.or get in your way.pls continue on.everybody needs an outlet to vent somthing on.me too.u know. that's why i have this pathetic black canvas still going on."same old same old".