又醉？！

Beers, Bailey's, Tequila, that's it!

I got the feeling that he wouldn't let me go if I wasn't drunk. He just wanna make me feel like crap, embarrassed and never come back again.

Went to downtown with Aunt Siu May in the afternoon, bought a bus ticket to Prague tomorrow, then had lunch at 中國樓. Aunt and uncle went to play mahjong afterwards, so I came back alone. The house is empty, I knew he's not here I've asked him last night, auntie and uncle are not coming back tonite. Feeling exhausted and boring I started chatting with the Polish lady who works here and doesn't speak German nor English. Then he appeared at the door all of the sudden, saying that he's having BBQ party next door with his friends and asked me to come. I didn't want to, knowing that I have to speak in German is already a reason good enough to reject. But he insisted, and I was so overwhelmed that he promised to 'take care of me' tonite, so I went with him at last.

It turned out to be a really nice party. One of them speak English, so I dun have to struggle with my poor German. His girlfriend is here too....and his friends, they are all very nice. Most important of all, he's there. He really did take care of me. He kept talking to me, brought me beers, filled my glass, kept me awake, offered me food and cigarette. 我不吃雞，他給我燒豬勁肉，烤得剛剛好，放進我口裡。他為我這個客人做得太多了，很想對他說。Party 未開始我們已喝了不少，大家在收拾，我們在猜枚，在黑暗中，微弱的燭光照到他臉上，畫面突然模糊，長久以來幻想的情景一下子成真。Nina 突然走進畫面裡，我別過臉，仍聽到喁喁細語，戀人的親吻，沒有再看過去，怕會昏倒。我怪他，怪他對我好，抑或我敏感？ So it's my fault now?!

於是，醉倒了，「湯」過才掙得開眼，最後被抬走，他抱著我，在黑夜中由一間屋走到另一間屋，幫我蓋好被，跟我說再見（因為他明天不會回來），一切在迷夢中，須想撲過去抱住他，又一次，既羞恥又快樂．．．唉．．．

知道我明天要走他說：咁快？我諗住帶你去遊樂場玩喎。立即為之氣結！有計劃就跟我說嘛，大男人！ ＞Ｏ＜ 想死．．．阿玲說「無野係唔可能發生0既」(like the way she talk, so 'ZEN', think about it)。她很明白我，她說，無論如何，我也會很享受和他一起，這是對的，無可否認，我很享受，但我更想知道在他心目中我是誰我是怎樣？過客？朋友？長輩？可愛的香港女孩？堅強的深不可測的人？很想知，但更可能永遠都不會知。明天不會見到他，失望。想不到預早安排好的蜜月假期就這樣結束．．．．．．

7/8/01．5:30am．酒醉後突然醒來