| Ur Story 3 | by Sime Barker
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There was once a monkey called Winston Plippit (from the land where they clip-it)... one day Winston Plippit decided to take a walk in the park when he suddenly came across a squirrel who looked somewhat troubled... as winston plippit appoached he saw that the squirrel had his leg stuck under a tree that had fallen during a thunderstorm the previous night... "please help me winston plippit" cried the poor squirrel "i cant feel my legs"... winston plippit knew what he must do, and with not a second to lose he quickly ran to the nearest Bycicle shop... he came running back to the squirrel having bought 10 inner tubes... "what good are inner tubes?" said the squirrel "i have a broken leg, not a flat tyre!".... "dont worry squirrel" said winston plippit "all will be revealed"... within seconds winston plippit constructed a complicated system of pulley mechanisms which he attached to the fallen tree in order to lift the heavy obstacle.... within moments squirrel was free!.. "i cant thank you enough Winston Plippet" said the squirrel "please join me and the squirrel family for supper tonight"... later that night Winston Plippet and the rest of the monkeys and the squirrel family had a delightful supper of Banana soup and chestnut casserole and they all lived happily ever after. The End. |
| Ur Story 2 | by Lewis McKay
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The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed, The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys. The End. |
| Ur Story 1 | by Ben Halling
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Katato is a genious. He had a friend called Jimmy, who was a monkey. Kagato and Jimmy were complete opposites...dumb and smart etc. Kagato went to Vet school, just so he could help Jimmy if he ever needed it. One day, much to everyone's surprise his new found talent was needed. In their ritual look up the ass tourny, Kagato noticed something very strange. There was a wierd red object stuck up Jimmy's ass. 'Oh no...there seems to be an apple up your ass!' Kagato said. Jimmy nodded, he explained that one day he'd been sitting on a tree and showing his ass to all these ppl when suddenly someone dropped an apple down there. Kagato quickly shoved his hand down Jimmy's ass and ripped out the apple, the result shown in the pic. He then share the apple with Jimmy. The End. Any characters in this story are purely fictional and any representation of anyone past, present or future is purely coincidence. 
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