"Wake up, youse! Wake up! Da injun princess got took hostage by Captain Magnifyin' Glass an' da pirates!"

Immediately, the Lost Newsyboys jumped out of bed and were ready to go in a flash. Sarah, David, and Les were confused (not that that's anything new).

"Indian princess?" Sarah asked.

Les looked up at Cowboy. "Wow."

"Yeah, dat's what I said," Cowboy answered, somewhat annoyed. "Conlon Lily. C'mon, youse, we gotta go rescue 'er!"

The Lost Newsyboys, Cowboy, Sarah, Davey, and Les ran out of the treehouse and toward the lake, where the captain and the pirates had Conlon Lily tied to a bouy, while ill-tempered seabass with "frickin' laserbeams attached to their heads" swam around nearby, waiting for high tide. Captain Magnifying Glass stood on the shore, laughing maniacally.

"Hey, codfish!" Cowboy screamed.

The captain covered his ears, screamed, and fell to the ground, writhing in pain. "Deafening noise! Deafening noise! Shut up when I'm talking to you!"

As the other pirates gathered around him to see what was the matter, Cowboy saw his chance to sneak past them and head for the bouy to save Conlon Lily, Blinkerbell following close behind him.

Conlon Lily was very scrawny. In fact, she didn't even look like a girl. But Cowboy pushed that thought aside and started untying her.

"T'anks, Cowboy Pan. I owe ya one."

Cowboy screamed at the deep voice and yanked the hair off her head. It WAS a guy! Cowboy shoved him back against the bouy and started to re-tie him.

"'Ey! 'EY!!! What's dis, huh? Ya's s'posed ta be rescuin' me from dem sea bass ovah dere! Whatcha doin'?!"

"You ain't da injun princess!" Cowboy exclaimed.

"Yes I am! Only, I'se not a goil. But I'se STILL da injun princess!" Conlon Lily exclaimed.

"'Kay, explain," Cowboy ordered.

"I used ta be a Lost Newsyboy, an' den da Cheif took me in on one condition, an' dat was dat I had ta be a goil. I told 'im, okay, I'll dress up like a goil, so 'e 'dopted me."

Blinkerbell looked at Conlon Lily. "An' dey gave ya a corny name like Conlon Lily?!"

He nodded. "But me real name's Spot."

"Spot, you had a sick 'dopted parent," Blinkerbell said.

With that, Cowboy untied him again and they swam for shore. The sea bass were preoccupied with Les, who had jumped into the lake to kill minnows with his wooden sword. Back on shore, Davey was laughing maniacally.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Snyder the Pirate jumped out of the bushes and grabbed Crutchy, one of the Lost Newsyboys.

"Fellas! Fellas! Help me! My brain's got a mind of it's own!" Crutchy yelled as Snyder the Pirate dragged him away.

"Truth be told," Cowboy muttered. "C'mon, fellas, we gotta save Crutchy, whether or not his brain gots a mind of its own."

The group followed Cowboy Pan to the pirate ship. They snuck aboard and hid behind various objects. Crutchy was standing by the side of the ship without his crutch. He was balancing by holding onto the railing.

Captain Magnifying Glass and all the other pirates came up to him. "Now," the captain said, "you walk the plank!"

"But, Cap'n, I can't walk right," Crutchy wailed.

"Well, then, you'll LIMP the plank! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

They hoisted Crutchy up, but a loud voice stopped them.

"MAGNIFYING GLASS! YOU ARE A CODFISH!!!"

Captain Magnifying Glass just stood there. Cowboy was annoyed that he didn't drop to the ground again. Then, the captain grinned evilly. "I put cotton in me ears, boy! Hah! You know what I was doing when I was your age, boy? I was in a war!"

Cowboy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. C'mon, codfish! Fight like a man!"

Cowboy pulled out a rolled-up newspaper. "Haha! You're no match for me magnifying glass!" the captain screamed, holding the glass up toward the sun. The rays started burning a hole in Cowboy's face.

"NOOO!!!"

Les flew out of nowhere and landed on Captain Magnifying Glass, whacking him repeatedly on the head with his wooden sword. Finally, the captain dropped to the deck in defeat. Les, slightly charred from the "frickin' laserbeams" but still weird as ever, bowed down to Cowboy, chanting, "Wow. Wow. Wow. You were in jail? Wow. Wow. Wow. All this for one sip of beer? Wow. Wow. W-"

Davey shut him up by kicking him across the deck. Les slid and knocked down all the pirates. Crutchy sat on the plank, laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, a police whistle was heard. "Da bulls!" the Lost Newsyboys exclaimed, scattering to their hiding places on deck. Captain Magnifying Glass sat up rather quickly. "No!" he screamed in fear. He ran away and climbed up to the crow's nest, whimpering.

A tiny muskrat that was foaming at the mouth crawled up the side of the ship and onto the deck. It opened its mouth and the sound of a police whistle came out.

"Dat's da muskrat dat bit off da Cap'n's hand. 'E swallered a police whistle, an' dat's how da Cap'n knows. 'E come back fer da rest of 'im, I s'pose," Cowboy told Sarah.

Sarah fell over laughing. Cowboy saw this as the perfect opportunity to sic the muskrat on her. This time it was Cowboy who was laughing maniacally.

Dutchy walked over to Cowboy and beaned him on the head with a dead fish. "Dat'll teach ya!" Dutchy exclaimed, though not sure what he wanted to teach Cowboy in the first place.

Racetrack came over to Dutchy, laughing his bum off. Dutchy just looked at him and beaned him over the head, too. It was in Dutchy's evil plan to knock everyone out with a dead fish and then take over Newsyland! Bwahaha!

Sarah jumped up off the deck. Now she had rabies, too. She grinned evilly, ran over to Snipeshooter, and bit him on the arm.

"OWW!" Snipeshooter screamed. He got an evil look in his eyes, ran to the plank, and bit Crutchy.

Crutchy started laughing maniacally and flipped backward over the plank and into the water, where he was taken hostage by the mermaids. But the Lost Newsyboys didn't care. There was a rabies epidemic now.

Dutchy beaned Sarah over the head with the dead fish, and she came back to her senses. "My hero!" she yelled, jumping on Dutchy and kissing him. He knocked her out with the fish and then decided that the dead fish wasn't going to cut it. He grabbed a condor feather out of nowhere and started tickling people's feet with it.

Les grabbed the muskrat by the tail. "Davey? Can I keep him?"

Davey rolled his eyes, took the rabid muskrat, and smacked himself over the head with it. He fell onto the deck with a thump.

Captain Magnifying Glass jumped down from the crow's nest like a maniac. "Seven days a week, ch-ch-ch-ch- ch-ch-ch-ch-"

Mush used his superior strength to pick up the captain and throw him overboard. "Fetch, doggies!" he yelled, and the pirates all jumped overboard after their captain.

Cowboy Pan picked up Davey and Sarah and flew them home to their nursery. He dumped them onto the floor and flew back to Newsyland. Blinkerbell said to him, "What 'bout da liddle kid?", but Cowboy didn't hear him.

When they got back to Newsyland, there was Les, waiting for Cowboy.

"Oh noo!" Cowboy wailed.

Les just looked up at him. "Wow."