the real coconut argument

This is the actual coconut argument from the movie. (Taken w/o permission, so don't sue me!)

[England. Misty. You can hear klop-klopping in the distance. As it gets closer, you see a man sort of galloping along, with invisible reins in his hands. Another man is behind him banging together two empty halves of coconuts, which makes the sound of horse hooves. The first man, King Arthur, stops in front of a castle.]
ARTHUR: Whoa!
GUARD #1: [behind the battlements] Who goes there?
ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons; defeater of the Saxons; sovereign of ALL England!
GUARD #1: Pull the other one!
ARTHUR: I am! And this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master!
GUARD #1: What, ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR: Yes.
GUARD #1: You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR: What?
GUARD #1: You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together!
ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through -
GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: We found them!
GUARD #1: Found them?! In Mercea?! The coconuts tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the housemartin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!
GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all! They could be carried!
GUARD #1: What? A swallow carryin' a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut!
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here?
GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
ARTHUR: Please!
GUARD #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that!
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?
GUARD #1: But then, of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
GUARD #2: Oh, yeah. So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
[Arthur and Patsy leave while the two guards keep discussing how a coconut would end up in Europe.]

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