Humans are NOT solitary creatures, as much as I might wish to be sometimes. Even though I have stated numerous times, both on this site and out in the real world, that I really don�t like people, I can�t get away from this basic fact of life. We all need other people around. We need friends. We need companionship. We need that someone special.
So here�s the problem; how are we supposed to know when we�ve found that someone? That one person who�s supposed to make everything right. Who makes life worth living and helps the world seem to make sense.
I don�t know. Those of you coming here looking for answers are definitely in the wrong place. Although I�m not entirely certain there�s a RIGHT place to look. Not for the answer to this particular question.
I know a lot of �experts� tell you that you�ll just know. That it will �feel right.� But how do you know that you can trust your feelings? I guarantee those same feelings have lied to you before, and they�ll do it again. This isn�t something you can figure out by yourself. You�re too close to the situation. You can�t stand back and distance yourself from it so you can see it from at least a semi-rational point of view. Most people are too afraid of being alone to be able to look at something like this without emotion clouding their judgement, but that�s what you have to do.
We should definitely listen to the advice of friends in matters like this. Not exclusively, of course. We still have to make our own decisions about something this important. And we should definitely take into account a friend�s REASON for what they are telling us. For instance, if you�re a guy, and your best buddy is used to hanging out with you all the time, and then suddenly you think you find �the one,� and he says she�s all wrong, you have to wonder about motive. But don�t simply discount what he says, even if his motive IS that he�s afraid he won�t get to spend as much time hanging out anymore. A suspect motive doesn�t mean he�s wrong.
And if your friend telling you this happens to be of the opposite sex, and you are thinking the reason they are telling you this person isn�t right for you is because THEY want to be with you, you may be right. But that doesn�t automatically mean they are wrong about the situation either. And it�s just possible that you are wrong about their motivation and they really are just being a friend and looking out for you in an area where you have blinded yourself to reality. Or you�re RIGHT about their motivation, but the rest is still true and they still have YOUR best interests at heart. These are all things you have to think of.
Also, if almost everyone you know is telling you that you have made the wrong decision, then chances are you have. If it�s one or two people, then they could be wrong. But everyone you know isn�t wrong. Unless everyone you know happens to belong to the same quasi-religious cult. Then they are indeed all wrong, about a great many things. Like, um�EVERYTHING! So maybe those people don�t count.
I know all these �experts� in women�s magazines tell you that you have to follow your heart, but believe me, your head HAS to get involved too. And sometimes you can want someone to be the right one so much that you project your feelings onto him or her, so it seems like they are reciprocating those feelings when they really aren�t. Your friends will almost ALWAYS see this way before you do, and they are trying to help you, not trying to keep you alone and miserable.
I know a lot of people in relationships like this right now. They think they have found 'the one' but they really haven't. They are simply biding time waiting for the next NOT the one to come along. They simply haven't realized it yet. And they won't listen to anyone else about how wrong they are. Not that I can blame them. I wouldn't listen to my friends either when I was going through this shit. It's a lot easier to be the one giving the advice than it is to be the one taking it. Because none of us wants to be alone. All I can say is looking back, I wish I would have listened to my friends at certain points.
Some of you might be wondering where the anger and venom is in this rant. Where are the clever jibes and witty observances? All I can say is sometimes even I have to be serious about something. And as I am currently between relationships, this is kinda important to me. So you�ll have to live without them for one rant, okay?
I don�t know if this will help anyone or not. Hell, I don�t know if it will help ME, but it was worth a shot. After all, like I said none of us WANTS to be alone, no matter what we might say at times. Maybe some good will come from this, and maybe not. All we can do is hope.
Now if you�ll excuse me, I have to go crawl into bed and dream of the day I�ll find the right one.
Goodnight.