In case there is any doubt out there, I do not really like TV. The shows they are throwing at us almost universally suck. Suck in a way that makes old man Hoover green with envy. They suck worse than a three-dollar hooker with gum disease. They're just really, really bad. I think maybe I'm starting to get my point across.
Just watch for one night, that's all you have to do. Flip back and forth between the channels during prime time any weeknight and you'll see what I mean. Don't worry about missing something good or important; that just won't happen since there's nothing good or important on.
Seriously though, I find it hard to believe the kind of drivel they're pushing at us these days and calling it entertainment. Actually it's more than hard to believe; it's also painful to watch. People talk about how great shows like Survivor are. Where the hell does anyone get that that is a great show? It's just plain fuckin' stupid. People actually watch this shit? I know a lot of critics and other professional assholes used to like to make fun of things like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and stuff like that, but at least those were entertaining. And the critics all missed the point with those anyway. That's all they were supposed to be; an escape from reality for a couple of hours. Not every movie or TV show has to have deep character development and a complicated storyline. Sometimes simple is good.
But simple isn't always good. Take Seinfeld for instance. Jerry Seinfeld is NOT funny, period. The show wasn't funny, the other characters weren't funny. Okay, Kramer had his moments, but that's about it. The sad thing is that just like the movie The Matrix; it was a good idea. It was just handled badly and with the wrong people. F they had more people on there who were funny, it probably would have been a pretty good show. But they didn't and it wasn't.
But then there are other shows that start out pretty funny, like the Drew Carey Show. The first few seasons that show was a riot. But then they have to go and mess with the things that made it funny in the first place and for the past couple of seasons it just hasn't been funny. I used to watch it every week, but I think I've watched it once this year. It's the same thing that happens with movies in that you get some over paid producer sitting in an office somewhere thinking he knows best how to make the show even better. Hey asshole, if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT!
There are plenty more examples of this problem out there today in TV Land. But sometimes the opposite DOES happen and they change a show and make it better. Spin City would be an example of this. The show was okay before with Michael J. Fox, but it really wasn't anything special or something that I had to see. The supporting characters and the way they interacted was what made the show. Then they brought on Heather Locklear and my initial response was "Oh great Another blonde ditz who can't act for crap." I was pleasantly surprised to find she can actually be funny. Maybe comedy is what she should have been doing all along. But something was still missing and a year later when Michael Fox left and Charlie Sheen came on, I knew what it was. All they needed was a lead character who was actually FUNNY and it was suddenly a good show.
Another huge problem with TV is lack of originality. Just flip through a TV Guide and look at the shows they are producing now. Survivor was a hit, (for some unexplainable reason,) so now there are several Survivor clones out there. I say if the government wants to be serious about outlawing cloning, let's start with TV Land, okay? ER started the same kind of thing. It was popular, (again for some reason that I cannot fathom,) so we had to endure a whole slew of shows centered around hospitals and/or doctors. And none of them really put a new spin on it or anything like that. Just the same old shit with new actors.
Law shows did the same thing. Years ago we had Perry Mason, and I think there might have been one more that was created by the success of that one. But since I'm not that big on TV, and I'm certainly no TV historian I don't know for sure. Then years later we had Matlock, which was really popular with the over 60 crowd, but not too many other people. But again there weren't really a whole lot of other law shows on at the time. Then cam Law and Order and all hell broke loose. Now we have been subjected to different shows trying to cover different aspects of law. Criminal court shows, family court shows, and civil court shows. It's getting a little bit ridiculous. And that's not counting all the reality court shows like Judge Judy, and similar drivel. There's even an entire cable cannel devoted to nothing but court cases. Some days I just feel like poking my fuckin' eyes out.
I think one of the top two worst offenders in this is cop shows. I know there's always been some kind of cop show on, but this shit they've been doing the last few years is just too much. There was a show that was pretty decent, and I used to enjoy watching. That show is NYPD Blue, which has interesting characters and stories and such. When that became a hit all of a sudden the following season we were inundated with cop shows of all kinds. I can remember about ten years ago or so there was even a show with singing and dancing cops. Se how this just gets really out of hand?
I know there really aren't that many unexplored ideas out there, and it is difficult coming up with something new and fresh. But copying a successful show and just changing the location and the character names is not a recipe for success. It never has been and it never will be. Maybe these people simply need to try a little harder, especially in light of the strike the writers threatened last year so they could get their raises. Well assholes, you got your raises so where's our quality entertainment?
Another problem with television is the censors. I remember watching Robocop, (the first movie,) on network television. Actually I only watched part of it. I have to wonder WHY they bother showing movies like this on network TV. What's the point? If you're not going to show the whole movie, THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN, then don't fucking bother. Robocop was a great movie, but the unfortunate people who hadn't already seen the movie probably thought it sucked, and they're right in a way. The version they showed on network TV DID suck. That's because they only showed part of the movie. Like I said, I only watched part of it. As soon as I was able to control my laughter at what the network butchers did to a great movie, It was so unrecognizable that I just couldn't watch it anymore. They cut out anything that might be "objectionable" such as 'bad words' or anything remotely violent. Anybody who's seen Robocop for real knows it's an extremely violent film, but that was part of the point of it. They cut out most of the scene where Murphy gets killed, but the reason for the graphic nature of his death was integral to the story, and to his and Bodicker's characters. If you don't want to show ALL of Robocop, then show the fuckin' Lion King instead, okay?
To further insult all of us out here in Viewer Land, they have no problem showing us Schindler's List in all of its violent glory. I'm sorry, but how is it less offensive to show us depictions of things that really happened than it is to show us things that happen solely in a person's imagination? For some reason this same principle applies to the evening news or CNN or any of the other countless cable news stations. They won't show make-believe violence, but the real thing is just peachy-fine with them? I just do not get that line of reasoning at all. Maybe I'm not supposed to, since I am vehemently opposed to censorship in ANY form. And yes that unfortunately includes rap, which is the one thing I was ALMOST willing to make an exception for.
The solution for this isn't to clean up the evening news, although that would be nice if they decided to do it. The solution is to FIRE THE FUCKING CENSORS! Tell them we simply don't need them anymore. They had their time but now we're all comfortable enough with reality that they simply are not necessary anymore. Goodbye.
Of course, that would be the ideal, intelligent decision, and we all know that important decisions in our society are not made by levelheaded, intelligent people who can think for themselves. They're made by life-sized puppets who couldn't figure out what to do without first consulting the astrologer or preacher or some angry lady in Montana who shouldn't be allowed to decide what shoes to buy on her own, let alone what we should ALL be allowed to watch.
I hate to have to even APPEAR to be agreeing with those moral majority pieces of crap, but they are right about one thing. TV really should be avoided, but not for the reasons they say, because they are idiots. It should be avoided because it's crap, and it should only be avoided until they fix the problems above.
Now, I would love to continue this, but there is a Love Boat: The Next Wave marathon on CATSTV, (Complete And Total Shit,) that I don't want to miss. After all, they're expecting me.