The movie was supposed to start at 12:01 AM, and we got there a few minutes after 8 PM, which we judged should be plenty of time. We knew we were going to have to wait in a line, and we knew there would be weird people there. After all, we are geeks too, so we know a little something about it.
What we WEREN�T expecting was to be the only group of people who have already gone through puberty. Okay, to be honest there were one or two other people there who have reached the legal voting age, like some dad�s who brought their kids to the show, but NOT MANY. It was mostly punks who were not even born when the original three movies came out, and some of �em probably weren�t old enough to sit through a movie when the Special Editions were released in 1997! Wasn�t Wednesday night a school night for chrissakes! What were all these fucking kids doing there?
The most obvious answer is they were there because for some reason I cannot explain, things have been going pretty good in my life the past week or so. Obviously that can�t continue, so I had to be thrown a curveball here, something to let me know that I still have my position as the Universe�s crapper.
When we arrived at the theater, which was the Geneva Movieplex 8 in Geneva, NY, and there is a reason I mention which theater it was, which I will get to later. But when we arrived there, the first person in our group was 33rd in line. A decent number, we figured. We should be able to get some pretty nice seats. Unfortunately, that number proved to be moot as the �line� quickly degenerated into a mob standing in front of the doors as more and more of these prepubescent fuck-stains kept materializing out of thin air. And the best part about that was the group right in front of us, which arrived about an hour after we did, chanting at all the people who arrived after them that they needed to go to the back of the line. I mentioned something about hypocrisy a few times, but none of them seemed to know the meaning of the fucking word.
Then there were all the people there with plastic lightsabers. Some of them were cute; most of them needed to die. Like the little puddle of puke standing next to me for a while, swinging his purple plastic stick in the most carefree manner. Several time it came within inches of my face, finally prompting me to announce that I would feed the lightsaber of the first person to hit me with one to them rather forcefully, AFTER introducing it to their system rectally. That seemed to get vomit-boy�s attention at last, as he looked shocked as he stepped a few feet away.
Then there was the one older guy dressed in the Darth Maul outfit, wielding his plastic lightsaber with what I�m sure he thought was admirable proficiency. It was not. It was, in reality, kinda pathetic. Especially when all he did was walk up and down the line challenging eight-year-olds to �duels.� Then he looked rather pleased with himself when he �won.� Yeah, you�re a man buddy. Good job. Unfortunately, no one old enough to get a learner�s permit to drive was impressed with your pseudo-Darth Maul moves. All you showed us was that you spent WAY too much time watching The Phantom Menace � especially the duel in that movie, and we all know that you ARE going to die alone. Them�s the breaks, man. That�s the trade-off. You want to impress little kids in a line to see a movie with your swordfighting �skills,� then you die alone.
Now we get to the reason why I mentioned specifically which theater we went to. First, there was no organization and not control of this event at all. When I went to see The Phantom Menace in 1999, none of this shit happened. Everyone was there to have a good time, and the management of THAT theater knew what they hell they were doing. Not so at this place, where every few minutes someone from the theater would come outside, look at the mob, and then go back in without saying a word.
Add to that the �people� from the Hallmark store next to the theater. And I use the word �people� VERY loosely, and they were complete and total cretins. The bottom of the barrel, as far as people go. And stupider than almost anyone I have ever mentioned on this site. First, when we arrived there was the little fat chick who was bitching about the sensors on the door when they set the alarm, which they were going to do in an HOUR! And she was bitching about customers not being able to get into the store. Well, in the hour I was standing there before they closed, I saw exactly ONE PERSON approach the store, and almost walk away. Not because we were standing there, since we had no problem letting this guy through the line to get to the store, but because the open sign was turned off and the fucking doors were locked! Yeah, we were the reason you didn�t get customers. Idiots.
Then the old man showed up. I don�t know if he was the owner or the manager or what the hell he was, other than a piece of shit. Whining and moaning about nobody being able to get into his store because of all the punks, when none of us were doing anything to impede his business. He can blame the theater management for not providing any organization for the event. Or better yet, he can just fucking get over it. And I need to point out that no one, not even the stupid punks all around us, was rude to this guy until he started with his attitude. Making his idle threats about calling the cops and having us all forced to leave the premises. Well cock stain, the cops drove by about every half hour, and the only thing they did was tell the people with the lightsabers to stay out of the street, so go home and fuck yourself you geriatric pile of turd. Or fuck your wife. Yeah, we all saw her sitting in the truck when she came to pick you up. Sticking your dick in that thing would be punishment enough for almost any crime. I know some of this might show that I am just getting old, and I am. There are some things I no longer have any patience for, and this night touched on a lot of them. It�s a good thing the movie didn�t suck, or I might have actually had to come out of the theater and kill a few of those punks. Or make them fuck the old guys wife. That would teach them.