I don�t think my own views of the human race are exactly secret. I have said before that with a few exceptions, I don�t really like people. There are a bunch of little reasons why, like the fact that the truth is something people tell only when it suits them, or when it won�t cause them any personal discomfort or if they stand to gain from it. People are violent for absolutely no reason, or worse, for retarded reasons. But most importantly, it�s because people are fucking stupid. That�s the big reason.
You see these cretins everywhere you look. Like when you�re at the grocery store trying to buy just some bread and a gallon of milk, and some 300 pound rat-dick with a single-digit IQ gets to the ten items or less lane right before you do. They then proceed to unload all three of their shopping carts into a mountain of impending gravitational disaster onto the little conveyor belt. Then they turn around and smile at you, like the fucking idiot they are. Sometimes they�ll even try and talk to you. I�m standing here with two goddamn items, just trying to get home and make myself some dinner. Meanwhile this rectal excretion is gonna be lucky if all four tires in their battleship-sized SUV don�t immediately blow out when they load up all the shit they are buying. And they wanna make small talk with ME? I wanna fucking disembowel them on the spot, and they�re talking about headlines in the Enquirer?!? Go ahead; tell me people aren�t stupid.
And I�m not sure which one is worse, Jabba the Hutt or the high school princess with the bored look running the register who doesn�t say a fucking word to the chowderhead. I just wanna grab the high school bitch and use her to choke the fatass by shoving her down Jabba�s throat. That should effectively eliminate both of them. Then I�ll leave five bucks on the counter and take my bread and milk and go the fuck home. I�m fuckin� hungry after that.
Or how about when you�re at a gas station or a convenience store, and the nimrod ahead of you is trying to pay for a pack of gum with a check? Don�t they watch those fucking Visa Check Card commercials? NOBODY takes checks anymore, so go home and burn your fucking checkbook, you fucking simpleton. And then when they can�t write a check for eighty-nine cents, they whip out the fucking credit card. Are you fucking KIDDING me!?! Here�s a good idea; when you leave the house, and you MIGHT have to stop somewhere to buy something, HAVE SOME FUCKING MONEY WITH YOU! I don�t really care if you�re paying 19% interest on your Juicy Fruit, but you�re interrupting the flow of MY day now. I had shit planned, and standing behind some simpering weenie in a checkout line while they struggle to pay for chewing gum was NOT part of the agenda.
The inability to actually READ signs in stores is another sign of the sharp decline in intelligence in this country. Like the ten items or less thing. Or like the shit that happens in my store all the time. I have big signs on all the doors telling people that NO ONE UNDER 18 IS PERMITTED IN THE STORE. Despite these notices, people STILL tried to bring their children in. It�s a fucking PORN SHOP, okay? We don�t need six-year olds running around hitting each other with dildos, pretending they�re swords or something. This kind of shit will NOT get you nominated for parent of the year.
So I amended the sign to let people know that this includes infants and toddlers, since they would be UNDER the age of 18. Somehow though, the mental giants that our society is breeding still couldn�t grasp the concept, and I would hear all kinds of excuses. The most common one is, �But it�s my baby.� Yeah, and�? What�s the point? I wasn�t accusing you of borrowing a baby to take to the porn shop, lady. I was saying you can�t bring the little fucker in, no matter who it belongs to. I don�t care if it�s the baby Jesus born again, he�s still not coming in without ID.
Or we�ll get teens coming in, and they don�t bring ID with them. Now, the sign says if you don�t have ID when asked, you have to leave. That�s New York State law, not something I simply made up to inconvenience these punks. So we�ll ask them for ID, and they�ll say they don�t have it on them, but they swear they�re 18. Yeah, I don�t give a flying fuck about what you swear, okay? I want proof or I want you out, it�s that simple. And no, you CAN�T vouch for your friend, because I don�t fucking know you either, needledick. And why the hell would someone who just turned 18 be driving around without their license anyway? Isn�t that kinda stupid? Oh yeah � that�s the point of this, isn�t it?
One of my favorites is the people who try to return used dildos, or even just ask when they are purchasing it if they can bring it back if their �wife� doesn�t like it. First of all, it�s not FOR your fictional wife. I don�t really care that you�re going to go home and shove the 9� big boy in your ass. Just gimme your fucking money and get on with your day. Second, would YOU want to buy a dildo that had been previously enjoyed? I can�t be the only one who finds the very idea of it downright repulsive. Every time one of these cockstains shows up I feel the almost uncontrollable urge to beat them to death with the item. It would serve them right, and stand as a good example for other people who might be entertaining the idea of trying to return something themselves.
The best incident was when someone tried to return a vibrator, and I had to spend five minutes explaining, (loudly at times,) to them exactly WHY we couldn�t take it back. After calling me a crook, in case I cared about their opinion, (which I didn�t,) that blemish on humanity left, and the next person in line comes up to the register. They actually made a comment about the person before them just not getting it, and then TRIED TO DO THE EXACT SAME THING! Sure, they gave a different excuse, saying the item didn�t work, but I know it worked when they left the store with it, since we test every single toy before it leaves the store. So I have to bite my tongue while explaining to this second idiot in five minutes why SHE couldn�t return a vibrator either. That�s why they all come with warranties, and we always give out receipts for anything that takes batteries, so they can have it replaced by the manufacturer. I dunno if this lady thought that because she had tits, (nice ones, too,) that the rules might apply differently to her or what. Sorry honey, but I se a lot of tits in this line of work, and I�m NOT going to lose my job over one pair of them, no matter how nice they might be, so you can just go fuck yourself. Oh wait, that�s right. You can�t; you have a broken vibrator.
So are you scared for the future of our society yet? I know I am, and these are just a fraction of one percent of the examples I COULD list here, but then this rant would go on forever and it would take you approximately three and a half years to read it. IF you didn�t stop to sleep or eat or anything. But hopefully this should show just how rampant outright idiocy is running in today�s society. So be careful out there, even though odds are at least some of you reading this are just like the people I mentioned.
Yep, we�re all doomed.