I�ve also been thinking about friends, and family, and how people would react to my death. I know, morbid shit, but that�s the way my mind works. I have had several conversations lately on this subject, and have been doing a good deal of thinking about it. And about my life in general.
To my own thinking, friends are the most important people in our lives. I know, a lot of people put family first, and if we�re talking about a spouse and kids I would agree, but as for the rest, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles and such, I truly believe friends are more important.
The reason for this thinking is actually fairly simple; we�re born into a family, and kind of stuck with them, but friends are people we CHOOSE to be with. That makes the bond more special, more important in a way, which is why I said what I did, and why I believe the way I do.
I have been thinking about what my own funeral would be like. Who would be there, who would be upset about me not being around any more. What the atmosphere would be like. I don�t believe there would be all that many people there. I think some people would actually be pissed because I wouldn�t be around to walk on any more. Yes, there are people who would be upset, but all in all it would be a rather small affair, maybe 30 or so people. I know only a few of the people who work for me would show up, and that�s fine. Those are the ones who are truly friends, instead of simply pretending. I used to think there would be one more who would be upset, but that�s not what this rant is about, so I�m not going to go there.
It�s important to let the people who matter to us know how we feel about them. This can be done through actions just as well as through words, but it really does need to be done. Don�t leave things unsaid, or let people stay mad at you. And don�t stay mad at people you care about. That�s not a good way to live your life, and decent people don�t do that anyway.
I am currently not mad at all with anyone I give a shit about. Yes, there are people I hate, and I have reasons for that. When people tell lies about me, especially to other people that I DO care about, I get angry. And I think that�s perfectly understandable. On the other hand, it does no good whatsoever to go off half cocked and show my anger to these people, so I don�t. Not any more. I am not going to keep living my life angry.
Yes, I get screwed over a lot, because I am nice to people, and I am always accessible and there for people when they need someone. And for people I care about, I still will be. I am not going to change who I am because of the actions of others. There are a few fences I am going to try to mend, because like I said, you never know. I am sick, I do have health problems, and I could get hit by a fuckin� bus tomorrow. And I wouldn�t want to die with people thinking the wrong things about me.
I know I�m not going to live forever. Nobody will. And that makes whatever time we do have all the more precious. It shouldn�t be wasted on liars and cheats and thieves and other undesirable cretins. Deal with them when you have to, but otherwise ignore them. They aren�t worth the time.
I guess what I�m saying is, don�t let the little things bother you. I know how strange that sounds, considering who is saying it. And no, this doesn�t mean the rants are going to go away. They�ll still be here, and there will be more of them. Things will still irritate me; that�s natural, since I�m only human. But I am going to write about them, and then forget it.
So go, today, and let the people you care about, the people who have had an impact on your life how you feel about them. Don�t wait, because you never know when �too late� will be. Today could be your time, or mine, and it would be a terrible thing to not let people know how you feel. There are people who are close to me that I do love. I don�t say it, because I am a guy, but they know who they are. I show it through actions, and occasionally I do say it to people, a few of them any way. Some of them whether they want to believe it or not, but again, that�s not part of this rant. And while I perhaps don�t love everyone I know and am friends with, I DO care, and I also care about YOU, dear reader.
I just wanted to tell you that, in case I don�t get a chance to later.