We hear these words a lot, don�t we? Or a variation of them, such as �what�s in it for me?� And most of the time it�s nothing but selfish whining. But not always and the trick is seeing the difference.
I don�t mind being a giving person. By nature I�m not really selfish. Most of the time. (Like most people, I do have my moments.) Whether it�s a couple bucks for lunch, or covering for someone at work, or just a few kind words to make someone feel better. (Although it has to be the truth. I won�t lie to someone to make them feel better.) But is it asking for so much for someone to do that for me once in a while? When is it my turn?
Not that I�m whining. Yes, I do say �what�s in it for me?� a lot, but I am joking most of the time, and people know that. They know I like to help and do things for others, and sometimes when you do that a lot, you get walked on. Not that this is happening right now, I don�t think, but it�s a risk you take when being nice to other people. Too nice, too often. But I can�t help myself. I feel good making other people feel good, when I can.
This would be why every year when the children�s hospital needs donations I am right there. It�s not a lot. Maybe a dollar at a checkout counter, buying one of those paper balloons they hang up in gas stations, convenience stores and toy stores all the time. And I usually don�t sign my name. Just, �a friend,� or, �anonymous.� I don�t do this for any sort of recognition; I do this because some kids need help. And I admit to being a sucker for helping kids.
Charities for adults I have nothing to do with. 99% of the time, these people got themselves in these situations, and I find it hard to have sympathy for them. Mostly it�s because it�s usually their own fault, at least partly. And maybe it�s also partly because when I went through a rough patch, no one was there to help me. When is it my turn?
I had a friend once who was stuck in bed for almost three months. She had a few people who were helping take care of her, along with the nurse that her insurance was paying for. But the nurse was only taking care of the medical stuff. There was still all the day to day items associated with being alive that needed to be taken care of, and that�s where myself and a couple of her other friends came in. I didn�t have a lot of spare time, (go figure,) but I did want to help, since she was my friend, so once a week I would go over there for a few hours and do the grocery shopping for her. And I would cook her meals on that day, since I was there and it would give the other two, who had much more free time than myself, a needed day off. As much as they liked our friend, they needed time to rest also, and I was happy to help.
Once again, I didn�t do this to see what I could get out of it. I didn�t do it because I am some kind of special person, and I didn�t do it for praise. I did it because she was my friend and needed help. Isn�t that what friends do? Think of what a better world this would be if we could all do that for someone else.
Recently I aggravated an old injury. About ten years ago I tore all the muscles in my left knee. I spent five months in a brace that went from my hip to my ankle. It was five months of hell, followed by a period of physical therapy and learning how to walk again. Which by the way, I never did properly so now after ten years of favoring the left side, the right knee is also getting fucked up. My life rules. But I�m not complaining.
But due to an accident, the knee popped out again, and I have been unable to walk again for several weeks now. It�s not really as bad as last time, although I�m sure if I went to my doctor he would tell me otherwise. But I am not wearing the large brace. I have several smaller ones that I wore during my therapy and afterwards, and those are what I am using currently. The thing that gets to me is five different people have offered to come and help me out with stuff on my days off, but not one has actually shown up. And two of them are family. Three of them were around when I sustained the original injury, so they know what I am going through, and how tough it can be to do anything.
There have been several nights now when I have come home from work and just lay in bed for a while after removing the brace. There�s nothing else I can do. Getting up and moving is completely out of the question without it, but I have to take it off sometime to let my knee breathe a little. Plus the brace itself starts to hurt after a while, since it has to keep my leg rather stiff in order for me to walk. The one night I took painkillers for it I woke up the next morning on the kitchen floor, trying to remember how I got there, and indeed how I got HOME the night before. Medication and me don�t mix very well. Never have and probably never will, which is why I simply live with the pain. This also helps explain some of my irritability sometimes.
So I go on my merry way without anything to dull the pain. And on my days off I take care of all the stuff I had to do when I had two good legs. I don�t have a choice do I? Despite the fact that all these people know I have the same two days off every week, and everyone knows I go out and do fun shit on Sundays, and do all the housework and stuff that if I needed help, this would be it, on Mondays. It just seems funny to me that these people offer, but then I never hear from them on those days. I get calls on other days asking if I need anything, even though every one of them knows my work schedule prohibits me from doing anything on those days.
I won�t ask for help though. (I don't think I SHOULD have to ask.) Just like people rarely actually ASK me for help. I simply take it upon myself to offer if it looks like someone needs something, and I have the ability to help. But if someone takes me up on that offer, or I know they NEED help but are too proud to admit it, I definitely show up. The small handful of times I have not been able to show up when I said I would bother me to this day when I think about them.
And I don�t want pity from people either. I don�t want people doing things for me that I CAN do on my own, even if it takes me longer or means I will be longer in healing. I can deal with it, as long as people understand where the irritability comes from sometimes.
But maybe that�s just me. I don�t like to think of myself as special, but maybe I do have different priorities than other people. Different standards that I hold myself to. Not that this makes me any BETTER than anyone else, just different.
I don�t want people thinking I�m doing this just to be whiney, or to guilt anyone into doing anything, because I�m not. At this point if someone was going to help, they would have already. I don�t think any less or any differently about any of the people who have offered help and not shown up. And a few other people HAVE been helping in small ways, which I do appreciate tremendously. Any time I don�t have to walk somewhere right now is a huge help, since the only way this thing will heal is with rest. And I�m still not asking, or going to ask anyone for help, because my job is to help others, not to be helped. And I'm not saying anyone SHOULD be helping me out. I am NOT upset about this. The only thing that bothers me, and only a little, is the people who offer and don't follow through. Although even though I am not asking for, or looking for, nor do I want, help, I still can�t help wondering one thing.
When is it my turn?