A couple of months ago I was driving along and noticed a billboard on the side of the road that just struck me as odd. I couldn't get it out of my head the entire ride, even after I got where I was going and after I got back to where I had started from. Hell, it still kinda irritates me now.
Now you're thinking, "well, what did the fucking thing SAY?" It was advertising live bait. I started thinking to myself, WHY does it specify LIVE bait? Is there another kind? Do fishermen actually use DEAD bait? Aren't those called 'lures'? LIVE bait is redundant. It's like asking for a glass of wet water. "Hey, Jim. Can you get me a nice tall glass of WET water? I don't go in for that DRY stuff. Nope, only the wet will do for me." If you did that, you would be locked away. Why? Because you'd be an idiot.
So why is LIVE bait accepted? Well, I have a theory, although I'm not sure everyone will like it. I think it has to do with the fact that a large percentage of fishermen are rednecks. Shit doesn't HAVE to make sense, and a lot of them don't understand big words like redundant anyway. They don't realize that the correct term would be simply BAIT. "Hi, my name's Jim-Bob-Larry-Joe-Bill, and I sell BAIT. C'mon down to Jim-Bob-Larry-Joe-Bill's bait shop to get your BAIT." No distinction of the alive or dead status of the bait. IT'S ALL THE FUCKING SAME! ALIVE! Jesus, it's no wonder Dubya won the last election.
If they're not going to change this so it's keeping more in line with the true meaning of the words they're using, then just once I want to see a billboard advertising DEAD bait. Then I'll be happy. I'll know that somewhere out there, there IS a difference between the two. Alas, I'm sure CHUCK'S DEAD BAIT SHOP is not destined to be long in business, so I'll have to enjoy it quickly.
And then I can enjoy being once again correct about the proper usage of the English language. Now if Jim-Bob-Larry-Joe-Bill would just take a course in grammer, we'd be all set. And it's a little cold in here, so I'm gonna go turn on the HOT heat.