Today's topic is jealousy, and all the things that seem to go with it. And jealousy is something I just plain don't understand. My ex-wife used to get jealous of the girl at the drive-thru window at Wendy's if she smiled at me while handing me my food. That's just a little fuckin' ridiculous if you ask me. She also got pissed at me one time cuz I gave one of the girls at work a ride home. I worked the night shift, and I didn't get out until 2:30 in the morning. It was the middle of winter, and this chick's car wouldn't start. I was the only other person left in the parking lot, and the building was locked so we couldn't get back in to use the phone, so I gave her a ride home, and because of that I was about half an hour later than usual. My ex-wife was actually sitting on the stairs watching the door when I got home, and she glared at me and demanded to know where I'd been. Instead of being worried, like I would have been if she were late, she was mad. And then when I told her what happened, she got even more pissed and started asking if I thought this other girl was pretty! Apparently, instead of being a nice person and helping out a fellow human being, I was supposed to leave her stranded in the snow instead of being late getting home. Anybody wonder why we're not married anymore?
Another example: me and some friends would be sitting around on the couch on Sunday, watching a football game or something, (another thing she didn't like. Apparently SHE was supposed to be my only friend for the rest of my life. Yeah, that'll happen.) But we'd be watching the game, and the camera would pan over to the cheerleaders for a moment, and we'd all be hootin' and hollerin' at the TV. (Hey - we're guys.) And she would be fine the rest of the afternoon. But as soon as everyone left, I'd hear it again. "So, you think those cheerleaders are pretty?" GIVE IT A REST! She would pull the same shit with some celebrity or something like that. I'd be watching MTV (back when they still played MUSIC, but that'll be another essay,) and they had a video on by Lita Ford (anybody remember her?) and I said that I thought she was hot. (I still do) She actually waited six months and we went to a concert where she was opening for Poison. We sat there through her entire set, and when the lights came up for the intermission, my ex-wife actually looked at me and said something like, "Well, here's your chance. Go try to get backstage and you can be with her instead of me." That was the first time I was tempted to do just that. I was so pissed at her about that I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the show, and we left before Poison came back out for the encore.
But before anyone starts thinking that this is just another round of me bashing women, it's not. Men are no better than women when it comes to jealousy, and some guys are worse than women. Hell, a LOT of guys are worse than women.
You see these idiots all around you. Places like walking through the mall. Me and my buddy were shopping for some CD's and we're just walking through the mall, checking out the chicks. (Remember, we're guys.) We see some hot looking chick and she just happens to be walking with a guy. Now, we don't have any illusions that she's gonna dump him on the spot, and want to come home with one of us instead, we're just admiring one of nature's (or God's, if you prefer that,) finer works of art. There is no harm in that at all, but this jackass gets all pissed off and has to glare at us the entire time they're walking by, and sometimes they even turn around to glare some more after they've gone by. Usually we start laughing, and usually out loud, so the jerk knows we're laughing at him.
Because even after all I've said about her already, (and I REALLY don't like her anymore,) when I first met my ex-wife, right up through the first couple of years we were married, she was definitely quite attractive. And we would be walking through the mall, or through the park, or be at a carnival or something, and guys would look at her. And every time they did, I would just smile back at them. Like I was telling them, "Yeah, go ahead and look all you want. But I'M the one who's going home with her tonight, and I'M the one who will be waking up with her in the morning." I never got pissed at that kind of thing. Hell, I took it as a compliment, both for her for being hot and for me on my good taste.
But there are also these guys I know that don't want their girlfriends or wives to have any male friends, just like women. I almost feel sorry for these poor saps. Some of them are these whiney little bastards, and ya just wanna slap them and make them cry. They obviously have a serious self-esteem problem so they are constantly worried that a chick is gonna leave them. And because of that, they usually do.
The other group is equally amusing to me. They're the ones that consider themselves "Real Men." They're the kind of guy who has to intimidate a woman and keep her with him through fear. Yeah, "Real Men." Rupaul is more of a real man than these mindless twits ever COULD be, no matter how hard they tried. And unfortunately for me, a lot of them seem to be Italian, giving the rest of us a bad name. Hey! We're NOT all like that. Some of us are actually decent guys. Maybe we're not "Real Men," but if that's what a real man is, I don't wanna be one. I think the whole problem stems from their small dicks, and their obvious inability to satisfy a woman. I can't help but laugh at them every chance I get. A REAL "Real Man" would never have to resort to scaring or intimidating a woman to make her stay with him. The woman would probably want to anyway.
But then, we all already know what women are really looking for. And it�s NOT what they say they want. And that certainly isn�t helping things at all. But I digress.
There are a lot of guys out there who want to know exactly where their woman is at all times, and who she will be with, and when she will be home. And God help her if she isn't where she said she would be, and with whom. These are the opposite of the guys who complain about chicks who are like that. Well, it does work both ways. I know a few chicks who feel the need to be in control of the relationship, and I know a few guys, (or chicks who are with guys, for whatever stupid reason,) who also need to be in control. Who feel the uncontrollable need to assert their will on someone else. These people are pathetic, and they can never truly be happy, and it's their own Goddamn fault! So fuck 'em!
There are quite a few people out there, men and women both, who don't want their guy or girl to have any friends of the opposite gender. And that's just sad. A lot of my friends are women. Some of them have boyfriends or husbands that don't have a problem with this. Some of them I get along great with, and we have become friends as well. But others, for some God-only-knows-why reason stay with the guys described above. What a shame that we still have these unenlightened, half-educated, small-dicked Neanderthals living in society today. I firmly believe that a man and a woman can be friends without there being any romantic relationship between them. And that still works if one or both are attracted to the other. Hopefully these idiots will all be killed soon when their brains explode trying to figure out how to tie their shoes now that mommy doesn't do it anymore. Then maybe intelligent people will take their place.
Jealousy has ruined far more relationships between people I know than any actual wrongdoing on either the man's or the woman's part. It's sad, but it's also funny in a way. That's what our society is like today. Nobody wants to trust anybody else, and because of that, they make it impossible for anybody to trust them. So we end up with a nation full of paranoid, jealous, lonely losers, and it's our own fault. It's a vicious circle that most people don't seem to want to break out of. Good. Maybe after society completely breaks down, the few people who are left can re-build it into something that doesn't suck.
But until then, I'm just gonna do my best to get by in this sad, sick world that we've created. I'll keep looking for more people who feel the same way I do. I know you're out there, and I'll wait for you.
Oh, and one more thing. Mr. "Real Man"? I'm having erotic fantasies about your girl, right now as you read this. And she�s having them about me too. And I can satisfy her better.