Has anyone ever said this to you? I�m sure if you don�t live on a mountain top in Tibet, you have probably heard them before. Hell, even I have had people say it to me, so you MUST have. I have good reason to doubt the veracity of the people uttering it to me, but I have heard it. And that�s what we�re here to talk about today kids.
Very few people who use that phrase know what it means. And fewer still people actually mean it the way it supposed to be meant. Too many people throw those words around for no reason, and eventually they don�t mean anything any more. They are supposed to be special, and used only for a special occasion, or with special people. People who actually mean something to you.
Most of the problem stems from the fact that too few people really know what love actually is. People spout crap like, �You just know when you feel it.� Well, that�s bullshit, to an extent. You wanna know what love really is? You think you truly love someone? Then ask yourself these few questions.
Would you do anything for this person? Seems like a simple question, right? It�s not. I�m willing to bet that most people cannot honestly answer yes to this question, simply because if they realize just what it means, they can�t do it. Anything means just that; ANYTHING. Not just things that you like, or even things that you don�t mind. Or things that you can endure if you have to, if you�re going to get something in return. I�m talking about doing things you would NEVER do on your own, simply because you couldn�t even conceive of it; it�s that distasteful to you. You could never imagine yourself doing this thing, whatever it is, but when this one special person asks you to do it with them or for them, you do it unflinchingly, and without expecting something in return. You do it because all you want to do is make this person happy. You don�t complain about doing it. You don�t try to bargain your way out of it, you simply do it. That is love.
Now, I know some people will say that this isn�t love, but idiocy. That it�s one person not having the stones to stand up to someone else, and that other someone is simply using you. Well, sometimes that DOES happen. Hey � that�s a risk you run with love. That�s why true love is so rare. Well, that and most people simply don�t know what it is.
Do you trust this person? And I don�t mean with some things. I mean completely, totally, with every aspect of your life. Do you doubt them at all, in anything they do or anything they say? Then you don�t love them. Yeah, it�s that simple. There is no love without trust. It simply isn�t possible, because there will always be some little something there nagging at you. Do you trust them with everything about you? Do you trust them with your life? More importantly, do you trust them with your heart? Do you KNOW they aren�t going to go and do something they KNOW is going to hurt you when you find out? If not, then you do not trust them, and you do not love them. That simple.
Is this person�s happiness more important than your own? I know, some idiot�s claim that if you don�t love yourself, you can�t love someone else. This is bullshit, and I�ll explain just how I know this later. If you are always thinking of what this person can do for you, instead of what you can do for them, then you do not love them.
Would you die for this person? I know, it sounds more than a bit melodramatic, but would you? Would you �take a bullet for this person?� If it truly is love, then their life will mean more to you than your own. If you can�t answer yes to this, then you do not love someone.
Now here�s the fun part. Ask yourself these questions about the person you think you love. Most people, if they are HONEST, won�t like the answers. That�s tough. Welcome to reality. You are like the vast majority of people, and have no clue what love really is. And for even more fun, ask yourself if the person you think loves you could answer yes to all of these questions. Once again, most of you will NOT like the answers. That�s too bad. I�m not writing these to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I�m simply pointing out reality. Taking the rose-colored glasses away from people�s eyes. Removing the blinders. Helping break down the self-imposed barriers people construct. Call it whichever of those you want, but that�s what I do.
Okay, so you have the questions, and you have the answers you didn�t want, so now you get the explanation I promised. How do I know you don�t have to love yourself to love someone else? Simple. I have done it.
It shouldn�t be a surprise that I do not love myself. If you�ve read even some of the shit that I have written, this should be glaringly obvious. I am certainly NOT my favorite person. Hell, I don�t like myself even a little. If I could find any way at all to get the hell away from myself, I would in an instant. But with all of that, I have loved three times. What? That doesn�t sound like a lot to you? Keep in mind the questions above. Yeah, I was able to answer yes to ALL of them all three times.
But that isn�t enough. The trick is finding someone else who can answer the same. Obviously that didn�t happen any of those three times, whether it was fifteen years ago, or last year. Oh sure, they all SAID it, but the words themselves don�t really mean shit. It�s the actions that follow the words that carry all the meaning, and the actions belied the words.
Love never really dies. If you actually love someone, or someone truly loves you, and can answer yes to all the questions above, it doesn�t simply go away. The others� happiness will always be more important, their life will mean more than your own, the trust will never be broken, and you will always do anything for them. Even after it becomes apparent that said love is not, and never has been, reciprocated.
Love can be a beautiful thing, when people know what it truly is. Yes, it opens you up to a whole world of hurt, the likes of which you have never felt before, and never truly get over. I guess that could be another question, but one that would need to be asked afterwards. And this one if you answer yes, then it wasn�t love. Kind of a curve ball for the questions. But real love is worth the pain, worth the risk, even if only because of how rare it really is. I�m gonna guess around 95 percent of the people who right now say they love someone cannot answer yes to all four of those questions.
A lot of people also confuse other things for love. Lust is the big one. People confuse those two all the fucking time. Sex is not love. It�s a biological act. Thinking someone is hot is not the same as being in love with them. Love is looking at a person and seeing the inner beauty, the person beneath the flesh, and having that person mean more to you than anything else. Love isn�t the same as need. It isn�t being with someone simply because you hate being alone. I know. I�ve done that and it always sucks. No one is EVER happy doing that. Love isn�t a simple commitment; it�s WANTING to stay with a person, not just because being with them is comfortable, or better than being alone. It isn�t.
It isn't the same as being with someone simply because of the THINGS they do for you, so you don't have to do them for yourself. That's simply using someone, not loving them, and a LOT of people do it.
Love is compassion. Love is understanding. Love is LISTENING to someone else, and really getting to know that person. Getting to know what is driving them, what they want, and doing your best to help them achieve it. Love is spontaneous, and never seeing the other person as anything less than beautiful, no matter what.
I anticipate getting some flack over this. I don�t care. People getting pissed at me about things I write isn�t going to change the truth of my words. It never has in the past, it won�t now, and it�s never going to in the future. I once wrote as an answer in a survey about love that no one will ever know another love as pure and complete as mine. That�s because I DO understand what love really is. And I stick by that statement. I have said many times I am the best thing that could happen to a woman, because I know what love really is, where so few people do. I stick by that one too. And because of that, I am apparently doomed to being alone, because no one else knows what love really is. Or they simply don�t want love. And that�s a shame, because it�s a beautiful thing.