I wanna talk here about something that is a bit more personal for me. If you didn't already know it, I am divorced. But what you might not know is that I do have a son. This is a painful subject for me, one that I do not like to talk about. But I am going to talk about it just this once.
I have a son who was born in July of 1992. His name is Tristin and he was a great kid. I assume he still is a great kid, but I can't say for sure because I haven't had any communication with him since January of 1997. As you may have guessed from my bitterness, this was NOT by my choice. His mother and I separated in September of 1993, and I saw him three times between then and December of 1994. In December of 1994, without telling me, she took him and moved to Georgia. It took two years, two lawyers, and one private investigator to find them again, but when I finally did, and we actually went to court, the judge said everything was fine and she could stay there. Even though this is a form of kidnapping. The bitch didn't even come back for the court appearance and she still won.
The only reason I got to see him in 1997 was because as soon as I found them, I traveled down to Georgia without letting her know I was coming. I went straight to the local police station, told the whole story to a lieutenant there, and he accompanied me to her home. When I returned home to New York, suddenly she wanted to settle the case. So we did, with the agreement that I could visit him whenever I could afford the trip, as often as every two weeks. And I was supposed to be able to call and talk to him whenever I wanted. In return I was to continue to pay child support, which I was in no way opposed to. At first. But after attempting a few calls, and not getting anywhere with her refusing to put him on the phone, it started to become clear to me that she wasn't going to live up to her end of the agreement. The final straw came the following Christmas. I sent him his Christmas presents, and I also sent his mother a note. I thought I was being a nice guy by letting her know that I would be calling Christmas day to wish my son a Merry Christmas. All I asked was if they were not going to be home, please call me collect so I could do this. I kept trying to call until 11 PM that night, and I left numerous messages on their machine, but got no response.
So I spent a couple of weeks drafting up a letter telling her that until she lived up to her half of the bargain, I would be sending her no more money. It was a hard decision to make, and I did hesitate for several weeks before doing it, but I had to. I couldn't keep sending her money for nothing, not ever knowing that it was indeed going to him. Unsurprisingly, I have not heard from her since. If she did really need the money for him, I know in my heart that she would have called immediately, the first week she didn't get the check. But she didn't.
Since I have no legal recourse left to me, the only thing I can do is wait and hope that when he's old enough he will want to find me, or I will find him when he's living on his own, away from his mother's harmful influence. Maybe then I will find out what she told him when he wondered why he didn't have a daddy.
This is what our legal system does to fathers in a divorce. The mother can be a drug-dealing five-dollar whore who beats the child every night with a leather strap just for entertainment, but if the father has ever been stopped for a traffic violation, he has virtually no chance of getting custody. It doesn't even matter whether or not he even got a ticket when he was stopped. For some reason, American courts still think that children have to be with their mothers, and that mothers are a more important influence on the child than fathers. Our courts and legal system need to pull themselves out of this outdated 1950's mode of thinking and join the modern world.
The thinking is that mothers stay home and raise the children while fathers go off to work. And 50 years ago this was petty much true, but not anymore. Today there are just as many mothers going to work as fathers and the courts need to change their thinking to reflect this change in society. And as far as mothers being the most important influence, does anyone else out there wonder why a child's first word is almost always Dada? Hmm...
Some people have accused me of being just a little bitter after reading my other postings. Well, this time they are right. I am extremely bitter about this. I do HATE our legal system and every single motherfucker involved in it. Lawyers, judges, 99.9% of all the cops out there, even the fuckin' court clerks. They can all rot in Hell, the Goddamn worthless bastards. They deserve it.
Y'see, my first lawyer was a big part of the problem here. The man is a totally incompetent moron. When I first talked to him, he failed to mention that he didn't usually do divorces or custody cases. I suppose part of the blame for that could be attributed tome, since I never actually asked him how many divorces he had done. But since I was rather new at the experience of interviewing a lawyer, I didn't realize that I needed to ask that. I assumed that if he didn't know how to handle those types of cases, he would have told me. So I trusted the dirtbag, and in the end, trusting my attorney is was hurt me the most.
Having never been through a divorce before, I thought the nimrod knew what he was doing when he told me I shouldn't try to contact my then still wife without going through him. So for almost two years that's what I did. Even after she kidnapped our son she would still send letters to her lawyer up here with no return address and a different postmark each time, and still he said he should be the one to handle it. But finally, after two years of getting absolutely nowhere with the miserable little fuck, I got fed up and fired the shitstain.
I got a new lawyer who was much more aggressive and who only represented men in divorce cases. That was his entire client base. And this guy really is pretty good at what he does. But sadly, there wasn't much he could do for me. The first lawyer had fucked things up so badly, I didn't have much of a case left. He even screwed up serving the divorce papers to her, serving her aunt instead of my wife even though he had a recent picture of her, and there was about a 100 pound difference between them, along with different color hair. By the time he realized his mistake, she had fled to Georgia, so that state now has legal jurisdiction over this matter.
But of course the story has to get more complicated than that. The judge we got stuck with was another negative aspect of the situation. When we finally got into court, the judge aid I wasn't entitled to joint custody or anything else because I hadn't made any attempts to contact her for two years. The asshole wouldn't let myself or my lawyer explain what the first lawyer had done and said. We couldn't speak except to answer specific questions, while her lawyer could say whatever he wanted. Yeah, that seems fair, huh. He had obviously already decided the outcome before we even got there, and was just going through the motions. And yes, I AM bitter, so I really hope that piece of shit dies a very long, very slow, very painful death.
By the way, I can't mention the names of either lawyer here without getting sued, but if anyone in the Rochester, NY area is reading this and looking for a good attorney, email me and I can tell you who NOT to choose. And likewise, if there are any guys in the area who are looking for a divorce lawyer, email me and I will tell you the 2nd lawyers name. He really is very good.
I do love my son very much, and I miss him more than I can express. It is just so very wrong that we spend millions of dollars every year trying to track down deadbeat dads who want nothing to do with their children, yet here I am, wanting nothing more than to be a part of my son's life, and the court basically makes that impossible. I wish more than anything that I could see him and be a part of his life. But thanks entirely to our perverted "justice" system I can't do that right now. And whenever I start complaining about our legal system, there's always some asshole right there ready to tell me, "Well, it may not be perfect, but it's the best one we have." FUCK YOU! And fuck perfect. How about even slightly fair? And what the fuck does that mean, "The best one we have?" OF COURSE it's the best one we have you asshole! It's the ONLY one we have, so it wins by default. This does NOT mean it is even close to being a good system. So fuck that whole idea, and anyone who says that. Anarchy would be better than what we have now.
Anyway, now you know the whole story. This is where a lot of my bitterness comes from. But please don't email me with any questions about it, (other than asking the attorney names,) because I will ignore them. I stated when I started this that I do NOT like to talk about it, and if you can't accept that, too bad. That's your problem. And this also means I don't really want your advice, or you opinions about what I should have done. All I can do now is sit back, wait, and hope for him to contact me. At least for another nine years until his 18th birthday. Maybe then this story will have a happy ending. I'll let you know.