Or maybe not. But I�m gonna give it a shot anyway.
I�d like to say the reason for my attitudes is some trauma or other from my childhood, that left me with a deep emotional scarring that can never heal. But that�s simply not the case. Actually, I had a relatively normal childhood, with two great parents who are still great parents to this day. I had plenty of friends growing up, some of whom I still talk to to this day, so it isn�t because I was a lonely child who hated the other, more popular kids. No serious injuries, (well, not during childhood anyway,) or anything else that could be traumatic. No odd deaths of friends or relatives. Yes, there have been plenty of funerals I�ve attended, too many perhaps, but that�s simply because of how large our Italian family is, and because of how many people I have had the pleasure and misfortune of knowing.
In fact, about the only really traumatic thing that has ever happened to me was what I talked about in THIS RANT. If you�re reading these in the order they were posted, you have already read about my ex-wife and son, so I�m not repeating it here. If you�re skipping around, then perhaps you should follow the link and find out about it, because I won�t talk about it again. Go ahead, I�ll wait for you. Unless you take too damned long, then you�ll simply have to catch up as best you can.
So other than that one rather significant bitter event in my life, why am I like this? The answer is both simple and complex. People. I know people. I have watched and experienced people for the past 35 years or so, and I have come to the conclusion that they are no damned good at all.
Maybe I�m being a little too harsh here. I know there are SOME people who don�t suck, (and in a handful of cases that�s rather unfortunate,) so maybe it�s not right for me to generalize like this. And really, if EVERYONE was that bad, I�m sure I would have offed myself long ago. So I keep hanging on to this carnival of misery and disappointment we call life in the hopes of knowing more people who aren�t scum.
Unfortunately, the more people I meet, the more I realize that integrity is rare in humans. People constantly saying shit they don�t mean, making promises they never intend to keep. Trying to tell people what they think they WANT to hear, instead of the truth. It�s disgusting, and it makes it impossible to trust people.
I don�t do that. If I say something, I mean that. People ask me if I believe the things I write on here. Yes, I do. What would be the point otherwise? I have been asked a few times if I could temper what I say in certain situations. People ask, �Could you not talk like you do when we�re with so and so?� or something like that. No, I can�t. I�m not going to change MY convictions, what I believe just to make life easier for someone else to not have to face up to their shortcomings. My honesty and integrity are pretty much all I have. It�s all any of us really have.
Likewise, if I say I am going to do something, or be somewhere, I do my damnedest to follow through. If I simply don�t want to do something, I will not make up weak excuses about some unexpected shit coming up. I will say I don�t want to do it. I don�t like when people leave me hanging, and I don�t want to do it to them. So if I say something came up unexpectedly, it�s because it did. I need to know I can count on people, and people should know they can count on me. I don't think it's a lot to ask for.
Outright stupidity also seems to be running rampant in this world, leading in part to my sarcastic nature. It�s fuckin� EVERYWHERE! People don�t like to think anymore. And one of the funny things is the older people saying it�s the younger generation that doesn�t think, but that�s complete bullshit. Well, not complete. They are correct in that the younger generation for the most part DOESN�T think. But neither do they! A lot of times I see middle aged folks doing the exact same things, or worse, as the young people they are accusing of being stupid. It�s funny and sad at the same time.
Also common sense and common decency. These seem to be on the endangered list as well, although I think they are outgrowths of the other two. It is possible to have common sense and still be dumber than a box of hair. I�ve seen it. It�s not common, but it can happen. Although I do think they need to be renamed, since they can hardly be common if so few people possess them, can they? Just treat people the way you would wish to be treated. It sounds simple, but I find it hard to believe that so many people want to be treated like shit, as I seem to see a lot of around me. It certainly happens to me a number of times. So if you lie to me, or say shit and don�t follow through, and I treat you differently, don�t blame me. I didn�t do anything, you did. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but repeated occurrences make that tough, so don�t be surprised if you lie to me and I don�t react well.
If you look closely, these are the things that all these little musings of mine seem to center around. Most of the problems in today�s world could be solved in the things I have mentioned here today were a little more in evidence. If people were simply honest, and decent, and thought about something before they did it. It would be hard for some people at first, since most people don�t know how to do a lot of this stuff. But in the end, what else is there? If we can't treat other people decently, why should we expect to be treated decently in return? And I guess I DON�T expect it, which makes it that much better when it DOES happen. I get all excited when people are honest with me, or stick to what they believe no matter what I think, and not just try to say something to make me either happy or just stop ranting about something.
Hopefully now you have a little bit better idea where all this comes from. Some of it is for entertainment, yes, but hopefully it can also get people thinking a little bit. And if people start thinking, this little spinning ball of mud we all call home might not be such a bad place to live after all.