My Evil Plan to Conquer the World!

    We have all heard of the potential problems with this newest New Years, what with the Y2K bug and the world coming to an end.  But many people don't realize the largest threat this change in calendar poises, MonkeyBwoy's complete domination of the planet!  This threat is more dangerous and unpredictable than its other two counterparts.  So, with further ado, I introduce you to the man and the plan!

The Man

   Well, there's really not much I can say about myself 'cause my mommy doesn't want me to give out information about myself over the internet.

The Plan

1.  While all of the drunken party-goers are off having a merry time, I will be at home waiting in anticipation.
2.  At exactly 12:00 AM, Saturday, January 1, A.D. 2000, my bedside alarm clock will go off.  (I have compensated for a possible Y2K problem by using a clock with battery backups.  I'm so clever!)
3.  The alarm going off will startle the chicken that I keep next to my bed, causing it to lay an egg.
4.  The egg will roll down a tunnel onto a nearby frying pan that will already be turned on and cook itself.
5.  I will eat the egg 'cause I'll be kinda hungry.
6.  I will walk over to my Marble Works collection already put together and start one of the ball rolling down through it.
7.  At the bottom the metal ball will complete a circuit which will cause enough electricity to create a small explosion that will fire a shoe from a potato gun that will hit a horse waiting outside my window in the butt.
8.  The frightened horse will then run across the field and all the way to Washington D.C. and into the Pentagon.
9.  I will be following the horse in my car all of the way there (although technically not legal).
10.  Once outside the Pentagon, the horse will create enough of a distraction for me to sneak past the hundreds of heavily armed guards and secuirty cameras and into the main control room of the world!
11.  There, I will released my army of specially-trained rats which will break into the computer infulstructure by cracking the thousands of passwords in seconds.
12.  From there, my rats will bring the world to its knees using fancy computer stuff and bombs and missiles and Don Knotts and other scary stuff while I make myself another egg.
13.  The world will have no choice but to give in and give me complete control of the entire world.
                                                                          The End

     So, what did you think of my plan?  Remember, this is all assuming that the world does not come to an end.  If you would like to join on and become part of the Revolution and have your patethic little life spared, you can join the Official MonkeyBwoy Fan Club by sending me $5 or your parents' credit card number and date of expiration.  With the fan club you get the monthly official newsletter, an official MonkeyBwoy rubberband, a pair of my old boxers with my face stamped all over them, and an official "I Survived MonkeyBwoy's Complete Conquest of the Planet Earth" gray sweat pants.  It's a great deal kiddies so join today.  Either you're with me or you're against me!

This is the actual chicken that will be used for the eggs.  If you join the fan club you get a complimentary chicken absolutely free! 

The Explanation

Weeeeeellll . . .  As most of you realize, I did not take control of the world at the stroke of midnight on January 1, A.D. 2000.  This development has been very disheartening for everyone here at MonkeyBwoy's Global Domination Strategic Planning and Operations Center, and I'm sure for the loyal supporters of MonkeyBwoy's dictatorship around the world (including yourself).  I apologize to everyone . . . but it wasn't my fault.  (Refer to my official plan to understand better.)  First of all, the alarm clock was set for 12:00 in the afternoon (whoops) so I woke up late and tried to startle the chicken in order to get it to lay in egg, only to realize that it was a rooster so I never got my egg (whoops again).  I then started the Marble Works, but the marble was plastic so it didn't connect the circuit to shoot the potato gun at the horse so I had to go over at kick the horse . . . which kicked back.  After, cleaning up the blood, I jumped into my car to drive to Washington.  Unfortunatley I was stopped half-way there for driving without someone over twenty-one in the car (since I just have my learner's).  After getting on a Greyhound, I got there late and realized the horse had not gotten there at all.  (Last I heard, it had run off with some young philly to Vegas.)  Since there was no horse there, there was no distraction for the guards at the Pentagon so I just had to run really fast.  Once I was inside, I found out that there was no main control room for the world.  On top of that, you can't really train rats.  When I released them they just ran away.  So in conclusion, it didn't work, but it wasn't my fault.  It was the aliens that visit me at night (but that's a different story).  Aaaaaanyway, I do not want to dwell on the failures of the past, but look toward the future . . . to Y3K!!!!  Next time I promise no more screw-ups or alien interferences.  Just send me money.   By the way, I am dissappointed with the response the the Official MonkeyBwoy Club (but thank you Jamie!).  I expect that you will do better next time; we do have a thousand years to plan.  So get ready!  Y3K is ours!

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Disclaimer:  (Again, remember, this is simply a joke.)