This Week on A&E Biography:
Spaghetti Weave

Andy- Events in his childhood are mostly to explain for events that happened now.  As a small child common occurances included drinking bleach and getting broccoli stuck in his eye.  Despite the fact that he became dyslexic and extremely stupid from these unfortunate accidents, he graduated from high school at age ten and attended Harvard for two years and then transferred to Oxford.  After doubling majors in law and Sandscript he graduated with a doctor's degree in both, and immediately packed his bags to go to Africa.  There he studying the mating habits of the rare Zimbazee Tunneling Termite for two years living solely off of the grasses growing on the plains and his own urine.  After realizing that the American music industry was in a desperate state when he got wind of acts such as *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears, he immediately depart for the good ole US of A.  Without wasting any time, he hooked up with Trey who he had met in the ER once as a child during on of the times that he drank Windex.  The foundation of Spaghetti Weave was forming.

Trey- His story is a little different from Andy.  He did not always have such an easy life which is reflected in some of his later work ("I Don't Like You" and "Please Leave Me Alone").  Trey is believed to have been the son of Jimi Hendrix and a birch stick, explaining his amazing guitar-playing ability yet stick-like appearance, lack of hair, and white complexion.  It was not easy as a child to come to grips with the fact that he was the product of a dead guitar legend and a stick.  Luckily, he was adopted by a group of wild Gibson Flying V guitars.  Life was hard though.  Trey never had a formal education because he spent most of his days begging for spare picks so be actually grew up to be dumb as a stick as well a looking like one too.  Finally, on his 21st birthday the clan decided it was time for Trey to go off and find his way in the world.  His first job was as a male stripper in Kansas, but after business didn't do too well he decided to fall back on his natural talent, playing guitar.  One day, by chance Andy called him to discuss with him plans to form the most rawkin' band in America to date.  And thus Spaghetti Weave began.

Ramon-  Unfortunately, little is known about Ramon's childhood.  This is because of the fact that he was actually a wild, rabid wombat genetically mutanted to look like a human that can play the keyboard.  His original range consisted of the Australian Outback where he roamed and ate plants all day.  One day he was captured and brought to an American government laboratory where they performed numerous experiments and anal probes on him, eventually resulting in his transformation into a human.  Although he was now a human, he retained some characteristics of his former self such as the stunning strength of a wombat and the terrifying howl which he used to his advantage.  Armed with these super powers he became a super hero named Wonder Wombat (although he's technically not a wombat anymore) sworn to destroy the American government that turned him into a freak.  Unfortunately, he never met with the success of the super heroes that preceeding him such as Superman and Batman (probably because they were never furry, little animals that burrow tunnels in Australia) so he decided to turn his mission into a non-violent one through music, and Spaghetti Weave was the perfect platform for his timeless message to ring, "You shouldn't turn wombats into people!"

Justin- Destined to be a star from the beginning, Justin began acting at a very young.  At four months he starred in a low-budget take-off called Look Who's Farting.  (He also did the sequel, Look Who's Farting Too.)  They originally cast him into the role of Mikey for Life Cereal, but unfortunately they realized on the first day of shooting that the name Justiny was just not working so he was so replaced by Mikey, who he dispised and hated for the rest of his life.  (Haha, that wasn't supposed to be a play on words.)  Justin thought that things were really starting to look up for him when he was chosen to play the lead in an upcoming movie called Top Gun, but again at the last moment like the Life commercials, the producer changed his mind and went with some stupid, retarded nobody named Tom Cruise who they felt was somehow "more debonair and fitting of this role."  Whatever . . .  However, right after that he was approach by represntatives from PBS about having his very own children's show.  Two weeks later the Guy with the Poofy Hair Show hit the airwaves at 3 AM, and was an instant success!  In fact, the show did so well that within a year it was moved up to the 3:30 slot.  Late in '98 (wow, a rhyme) he got wind of a new boy band being formed called Dudes so he auditioned, and was contacted two months later. . . .  He was a Dude!  After several weeks of touring, tragedy struck.  One night while sleeping in the Winnebago, Justin's hair attacked and strangled the other Dudes to death so Justin was kicked out of the "band."  But the Spaghetti Weave crew had watched Justin's PBS show since they were little so they decided to give him a chance as their drummer.  And Spaghetti Weave continued to grow.

Ryan- He too was involved in show business at a young age.  They originally cast him as Arnold on the hit '70s TV show Diff'rent Strokes, but the fan-punching Gary Coleman brutally took over the show in a coup that left over half of the cast and staff dead.  After that scarring experience, he decided to move to a place far far away, Duke University.  There he partied hardy and studied jazz intently (usually not at the same).  Although he focussed his studies in music, he actually graduated with a doctor's degree in kung fu (since he wanted to always be ready in case Gary Coleman came looking for him).  After college, Ryan traveled the world looking for masters of various subjects that interested him.  Jackie Chan for martial arts, Flea for bass, Louie Armstrong for jazz (that was kinda hard since he's dead), and Mr. Boone for trombone.  Using this vast arsenal of knowledge he began his vast underground organization called Project:  Chaos.  He disguised himself as a regular working-class schmo, but underneath he was a psychotic maniac who made soap bombs and all that good stuff.  News of his exploits spread like wildfire and soon reached the Spaghetti Weave folks still looking for more members.  A good musician, Intelligent, deadly, and a smooth-talker, just like the other members . . . well, except the intelligent part . . . and the deadly part . . . and the smooth-talking part . . . Oh well, at least they have rawkin' music!  And Spaghetti Weave rawked on.

Pam- Being the lone female in Spaghetti Weave is a pretty tough job, but somebody's got to do it.  But growing up in the ghe-tto wasn't any easier.  Being the only little white girl in the neighborhood (besides the nicely dressed lady on the corner) made things even worse.  Her only friends were the stray cats that hung around the area.  In fact, she became so engrossed by the cats that she began living with the cats and wearing old, dirty clothes and singing, "Feed the birds!  Toppins a bag!  Toppins, toppins, toppins a bag!"  But people had to keep reminding her that they were cats and not birds.  When he cat feeding business didn't work out too well (probably because she was selling birdseed), she decided that the only way to make any money was to sell herself as a mail-order bride like was all the rage in Japan.  Within two months she found herself the fifteen-year old bride of some guy named Jared who lives in Virginia.  And she lived happily ever after.  The end.

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