Jamie’s face went pale and Justin’s heart dropped at the sight.
“What?” She stood from the couch, now fully awake. “Don’t even joke about that Justin.”
“Jamie, I’m not joking.”
“No…no, you’re lying…he can’t be…” She shook her head and paced the room, not allowing Justin to touch her.
“James…Jamie…calm down.” He reached out to touch her arm but she shook him off. “Jamie…he’s gone.”
“No!” She glared at Justin and refused to believe what he was saying. “He can’t be…he’s all I have left. I can’t lose him…” The tears filled her eyes and she collapsed to the floor of the bus. Justin rushed over to her but she pushed him away again. “No! Don’t touch me…”
Justin’s heart broke with each sob that she let out, and each tear that fell from her eyes. He didn’t know how to offer comfort, and he didn’t know what she needed to hear from him.
“Do you want to talk to the doctor Jamie?” She looked up at him and sniffled loudly.
“I want to go home.” She stood and threw the door open, walking quickly to her bunk. She started throwing her clothes, pillows and anything else that was on the bus into her back pack. Justin kept trying to reach out to her, but she would shoot down his attempts. He felt helpless, and he felt guilty.
“What do you want me to do James?” He asked again, after about twenty minutes had passed, and she seemed to slow down a little.
“I want you to book me the first flight to Orlando, and I want you to leave me alone…I need to think.” She slammed the door to the back of the bus and Justin stood there and stared for a few minutes before getting his cell phone.
“Andy? Yeah, it’s J…sorry to wake you man, but I need a huge favor….Can you call the nearest air port, and book the earliest flight to Orlando? It’s for Jamie….no…no I don’t want to talk about it right now….yeah…thanks man.” He hung up the phone and looked at JC who stood next to him.
“Are you OK man?” Justin shook his head no and slammed it down on the table.
“What did I do?”
“What did YOU do? Nothing…Justin, this isn’t your fault at all.” JC sat down next to Justin and placed a comforting hand on his back.
“Then why do I feel like she blames me?”
“Blames you? For what?”
“For the fact that she’s all the way out here while her father was dying in some hospital in Orlando, all alone. For the fact that I begged her to come with me…I feel like if it wasn’t for me…she would have been with her father.” A fresh batch of tears stained his flush cheeks and Justin started to sniffle.
“Don’t even think for one second that you’re the reason for all of this. Yes, she did come out here because you asked her to, but you had no idea about her father’s condition, and if she had been worried about the trip, she wouldn’t have come.” Now JC was starting to get angry because he knew that what he was saying wasn’t getting through to this man.
“It doesn’t matter what I think…Jamie’s the one who is pointing the finger, and I don’t blame her.”
JC let out a long sigh and stood up. “Whatever man…I don’t know what to say to get through to you…so I’m going to bed, and you should too. You and Jamie can talk it out in the morning.”
Justin watched JC walk to his bunk before he dropped his head to his hands. When did this get so out of control? And why did he have the feeling that this had only just begun?
The next morning Jamie awoke with a killer migraine and she was unaware of her surroundings. It wasn’t until the bus went over a bump that she remembered where she was, and why she felt so horrible. She was hoping that the events of last night were a dream, or a horrible nightmare. But she was in her bunk, alone…instead of on the couch with Justin…so that must mean that last night wasn’t a dream.
Sitting up she almost groaned aloud as the pain in her forehead increased, ten-fold. Jamie rubbed her temples and swung her feet over the side of the bunk, placing them on the floor with unsteady legs.
She felt sick. Taking a deep breath she made her way to the front of the bus. She didn’t really want to talk to Justin, but she needed to find out if he booked her a flight. She wasn’t sure if she was mad at him, or at the situation. All Jamie knew was that she felt alone all of a sudden. She couldn’t quite comprehend the fact that her father was gone. The only family she had left was now gone. It wasn’t fair.
Jamie quietly opened the door to the front portion of the bus. She was relieved to see that there wasn’t anyone else up. She went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and then sat down to do some heavy thinking. She had tried to think last night, but the only thought that went through her mind was that her father was gone.
She almost wished that Justin was joking when he told her, but she knew by the pain in his voice that he wasn’t. It hurt her to shut him out like that, but it also hurt her to feel that if it wasn’t for Justin, she would have been with her father when he needed her.
She heard a rustling come from the bunk area, and soon Justin came walking groggily down the aisle. When he spotted her he stopped and watched for a second before getting a drink from the fridge and sitting on the couch across from the table where she sat.
“Hey James…” He started but the look on her face told him that she wasn’t in the mood for conversation. There was an uncomfortable silence that filled the room for a while before she cleared her throat and spoke.
“Did you make my flight reservation?” He glanced at her and his heart broke.
“Umm…I called Andy, and he made one for this afternoon. It was the only flight out to Orlando today. Andy is going to take you to the airport when we reach the venue.” She nodded and stood. Jamie looked at him for a moment or two before walking to the back of the bus.
Justin watched her leave before he placed his head in his hands and felt the pressure of tears behind his eyes. He knew that he and Jamie were drifting apart, and he didn’t know what to do to stop that. He had thought that they were finally getting closer, that they were finally opening up to each other, and that maybe…just maybe…she was the one.
No…he knew that she was the one. He knew that from the moment he laid eyes on her…but he just didn’t know how to tell her that. And he knew that now definitely wasn’t the time to spring that on her.
Letting out a defeated sigh he stood and walked back to his bunk. He didn’t have the energy or the heart to do anything constructive…so he might as well get some sleep.
The buses rolled into the venue around 11:30 in the morning. Everyone was eager to get off the cramped buses and into the hotel where they could get some food and beds that didn’t move. They had three hours before they needed to be at the arena, and everyone was happy for the rare down-time.
Chris was in his usual bouncy mood. He played in the elevators for a while before running up and down the halls, looking for someone to play with him. He spotted Jamie coming out of a room, carrying her bags and he decided to see what was going on.
“James!! What’s going on? Where are you going?” He skipped towards her and stopped short when she turned and looked at him.
“I’m going home.” She sounded stuffed up, and her eyes were bloodshot. It was easy to see that she had been crying, and she looked horrible.
“What happened sweetie? Did Justin do something?”
“No…Justin didn’t do anything…I…I don’t want to talk about it Chris. Please, just leave me alone.” She struggled with her bags and Chris offered to help, but she declined.
“No, I don’t need any help. Andy should be here soon anyway. I just want to go home.” Chris stood there for a few seconds longer, and when he felt completely useless, he walked towards Justin’s room and knocked loudly.
The door swung open and Chris came face to face with death warmed over. Justin looked just as bad as Jamie did, and Chris was starting to wonder what was going on.
“Hey man…what’s up?”
“Chris, I’m not in the mood for you right now.” He started to close the door but Chris stepped in the way and stopped him.
“No…I’m not leaving until I find out what happened. James looks like her best friend just died, and you look like you’ve gone ten rounds with Bubba our old body guard. Let me in and talk to me.” Justin stared at Chris for a few seconds before opening the door and allowing Chris to walk in.
Justin sat down on his bed and grabbed the beer off of his bed side table.
“Whoa man…you’re not one to drink before 5 in the afternoon…what’s going on?” Chris sat next to Justin on the bed and waited for his friend to start talking.
“I got a call last night…from some doctor in Orlando. He was looking for Jamie…Her father died the other night, and she wasn’t there. I feel horrible for being the reason that she wasn’t with him, and she hasn’t talked to me since she got the news.”
Chris sat there in shock for a minute or two, just watching Justin for any signs that this was a big joke, but none came.
“You’re serious?”
Justin turned and shot Chris a look. “Yes dip shit…this isn’t something that I would want to joke about. Jamie’s leaving for Orlando in an hour, but she doesn’t want me to go. She had JC tell me this morning.”
Chris’ heart broke at the look that crossed Justin’s face. This would be the second time the Jamie walked away from him without a word. He was beginning to wonder if Justin would be able to take this anymore, and if the love he held for Jamie was enough to get them through this.
The older man sat on the bed for a little longer before patting Justin on the back and quietly leaving the room. He glanced down the hallways and noticed that Jamie’s bags were still by the elevator, so that must mean that she hadn’t left yet.
He bounded down the hallway and looked around for any clue as to where she’d be. There wasn’t anyone else out there with him, and there were no signs of Jamie besides her bags.
He started to walk back towards Justin’s room when he heard some sniffling coming from the room that used to be Jamie’s. He walked over to the door and peaked in the small crack, almost shedding a few tears himself. She was lying on the bed, a picture of her father clasped tightly to her chest and her eyes were closed tightly. Tear stains painter her pale cheeks and every now and then a hiccup would escape through her lips and shake her small body.
Chris stepped into the room and cautiously made his way to the bed. He touched her shoulder gently, but still caused her to start, and she jumped up to see who it was.
“God Chris, you scared me.” Jamie wiped at her face, trying to hide the evidence of her heartbreak.
“Jamie...look at me.” He tilted her chin up so she was looking him in the eyes and then he pulled her into a tight hug. Her tears started to flow again and he softly rubbed her back and tried to calm her down.
“Shhh…it’s ok sweetie…don’t be afraid to cry.” He could feel her tremble against him and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, or what to say.
“Oh god Chris…It hurts so much. I feel horrible for not being there when he needed me. He was dying and I was traipsing cross country with not a care in the world. I never imagined that it would happen like this. I knew that I was going to lose my father some time, but I never imagined that it would be so soon, or that I wouldn’t get to say good bye. I never got to tell him that I love him.”
Those words made Chris’ eyes tear up, and he thought that he might break down too.
“Jamie, it’s not your fault that your father died, don’t you even think that.”
“No, it’s not my fault, but I wasn’t there. He’s done so much for me during my life, and I couldn’t even be there when he needed me the most. If only I hadn’t come back with Justin…” Chris pushed back from her and stopped her before she could continue.
“No, don’t you dare start to regret this, or pin any of the blame on Justin. I love you Jamie, like a sister, but you can’t do this. You can’t start to regret something that you know was right. You may think that being here was the cause for your father’s death, and you may feel that you should have never have come, but don’t stand there and tell me that you didn’t enjoy every minute that you’ve spent with Justin over the past few months.” He stopped to see if what he was saying was sinking in, and when she looked like she was paying attention he continued.
“I have never seen someone so in love with another person as I have seen Justin with you, and this is killing him. He blames himself for everything that has gone wrong over these past few months, and he also blames himself for all the pain that you’re feeling right now. He shouldn’t feel that way. He should be in this room right now holding you, not me. He should be getting on a plane in a few minutes with you, but you’re going alone. I respect that fact that you need some time alone, because I know that this is a hard time for you, and will help you in whatever way you need me. But I am not going to sit back and let you ruin something so good. You walked out on Justin once, and that took almost everything he had. If you walk away again with out saying anything at all…I think you’re going to ruin what’s left, and you’re going to be walking out on any chance the two of you ever had.”
Jamie had taken a spot on the bed and she now sat in silence. Chris watched her face for any signs of emotion, and he hoped that he had gotten through. He didn’t want to see something so precious ruined, but he wasn’t sure if there was anything worth fixing anymore. Because if there was, it was getting harder and harder to see.