Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, give me a home where the fat bastards roam, and a gun - preferably an AKayyyyyyyyy! Rowr!
So, Michael Moore is putting out another Farenheit movie. Ooo. I hate this sanctimonious bastard with every fiber of my being. Don't get me wrong; I have no problem with anyone who wants to put their views out on display. But when this vile lump of cellulite puts something out, it's not about truth, or justice, or getting the message to the poor ignorant masses. For this bag of goo, it's all about power and money.
First of all, did anyone notice that Michael Moore wasn't really known in the public until Farenheit came out? Yes, yes; I know he did that other hack piece, Bowling for Columbine, but he didn't make much of an impact, did he? I mean, he probably makes more of an impact on whatever chair he's sitting in than that monumental testatment to his own ego. Then, he drops the big one, and I don't mean what's in his toilet. Dun-duh-duuuuuh! Farenheit 9/11 comes out, blasting the Bush-man, and he's all of a sudden all over the place (Not that he wasn't all over the place before. Fuck, the man's navel has it's own zip code!). The MTV Music Awards, the Oscars, the Democratic and Republican conventions; you name it, he's been there. Next thing you know, he'll be on the fucking International Space Sataion. "Hi, I'm Michael Moore. How are you fellas doing? Did you know that you're too stupid to make your own informed opinions? That's why I'm here! Whadda ya mean there's no pork roast in space?"
Now that the elections are over and W won (No, I'm not being partisan. I voted for Badnarik.), he's in a state of denial. That fat bastard was probably sitting there after election night, stuffing his portly face with comfort food (And by comfort food, I mean anything that came within three feet of him that looked edible), thinking, "How could these people be so stupid? I did that movie! The one that won the Cannes for Best Boring-Assed, Self-Promoting Documentary! I'm Michael Moore! I'M MICHAEL FUCKING MOORE, GODDAMMIT! munch, munch AND I'M THE CONCIENCE OF AMERICA! much, munch." It pretty soon turns into poor Mr. Moore foaming at the mouth and eating his pet cat.
Michael Moore now says he has a new F9/11 project, called Farenheit 9/11 1/2. He wants to prove to the nation, now that they've, stupidly, disagreed with him, that they've backed the wrong horse. He'll prove it! "I've got more pictures! More mud to rake! More of my own little tunnel-visioned view that I want, no, I NEED, you idiots to see! I'll show you! Give me some more money and fried pork cracklins!" Basically, what he wants is more moeny, prestige, media power, and food. And for that, you venom-tongued, vile, two-vested, malignant, repulsive jackanape, you have my undying animosity. The media, the intellectual elite, the anti-war movement and the Liberal Left have all bought your line of wanting to bring the truth to the unwashed, ignorant masses. Apparently, they were in the minority this time, you bloated bag of cutaneous fat.
So go ahead, Moore; push more crap out into the world. You should be used to that. Pushing crap, that is. As in on a daily basis. As in on your custom-made xx-holy-shit-wide toilet seat. Once again, the common people will look at you with as much cynicism as they did with your most recent hack piece of self-agrandizement. Oh, and by the way, there's a twofer at the local 7-11 on "Cheesy Fat-Filled Hamburger Taquito Roll-Ups". Do us all a favor and buy about twelve dozen of those. Eat them as fast as you can (By just looking at you, we know you can, Mikey!), and die of a heart attack. Now THAT would be a Micaheal Moore movie that I'd actually like to see. Damn, I hate that bastard. Did I mention that he's fat?
Hating Michal Mooreingly Yours,
Doug |
