Chapter 21
AJ was awaken late in the night by the door bell. Who could it be? Did something happen? Maybe it was more bad news? He had fallen asleep on the couch and it was now midnight. He walked slowly toward the door as he came out of his sleep.
�Who is it?� He asked when he reached the door �Serenity.� A soft voice said back.
�Serenity?� He question aloud to himself.
He opened the door to see a crying Serenity on his door step. Her hair was pulled up and she wore a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt. �What�s wrong?� He asked looking at her wide eyed.
�I just..I was sitting at home, and I was alone. Randy had to go out of town for the weekend for work. He left a couple of hours after the funeral. And I was thinking about a lot of things. I was just sitting and thinking how alone I was, and how I wish that maybe I had...I dunno, a friend I guess.� She paused and looked down at the floor before continuing. �Because everything just feels so different you know? And I just wish I could turn back time and start all over again. I�m just so alone.� She said as she cried.
�Come in.� AJ told her as he guided her into the house. He closed the door behind her and then he pulled her close and held her in his arms. �Your not alone, not as long as I�m here.� He told her as she wrapped her arms around him and berried her face into his shoulder. Tears flowed from her eyes like two mini rivers. He softly guided his hand onto her back and rubbed her.
�Shh, it�s okay.� He whispered into her ear. �Come on, lets go in the den.� He told her as he led her toward it. They sat on the couch pulling from there embrace.
�I have been so mean to you. I�m so sorry AJ, really. I have been so awful and your still here, being my friend. I have no right to even come here after the way I�ve treated you. Why are you so nice to me when I don�t deserve it?� She asked as tears still trickled down her face.
�Because everyone makes mistakes and because you do deserve it. You taught me that, remember? Don�t ever think your not worthy of something because you�re a good person.�
�I said that but...I�m not a good person, I�m not. I�ve tried to be, but I�m a big screw up. I don�t deserve anything, believe me.�
�Don�t say that. You deserve everything you get.� He smiled. She then put a hand over her mouth as the tears chocked her up.
�Your right, I do deserve everything I get. All the bad stuff is just Karma coming back on me.� She said looking down.
�That� s not what I meant. I meant that you deserve all the good that happens.� He corrected.
�There is no good, not anymore. My father...I just seemed to be vibeing with him you know? All he�s ever wanted was just the best for me. And I just wanted to show him I could be what he thought I couldn�t... I wanted to prove myself to him. It seemed to be going good. He was showing me the ropes at his firm, and he seemed to be proud of me. I just wanted to be the person he wanted me to be for once, and not the screw up. For once I guess I just wanted to be daddy�s little girl. Everything I did, I did it for him. For once I wasn�t alone because he was there. He was supporting me. He was actually standing by me, and he never did that before. Now he�s gone and I feel like I�m all alone again. I miss him so much, how is it possible to miss someone so much?� She sobbed.
He pulled her close once again and wrapped his arms around her. �I know...I know baby. It�s just going to take time. It takes a lot of time. And even after the guilt and pain you�ll still miss him. That will never go away. You still have to carry on without him though. You have to keep on living your life. Living it for yourself, and doing what YOU want to. It�s hard, but you have to go on.�
�What if I don�t think I can? What if it�s too hard?�
�You can, and you will. Nothing for you is too hard, believe me. I know you, and you can withstand anything. You�re one of the strongest people I know.� He rubbed her shoulder.
�But I�m not AJ, I�m not. You just think I am because I pretend to be, but I�m not. Really, I�m just weak and scared. That�s all I am.�
�No, your not. I�ve seen your strength and your tuff.�
She shook her head. �No, I�m not. And I�m alone. How am I going to do this by myself? How am I going to do this alone?�
�You are not alone. You have Randy, remember? And you�ll always have me too.� He pulled away looking into her eyes. �Are you okay? I mean, was your life okay before this?� He asked peering deep into them.
�Yeah.� She said as she nodded her head looking away from him.
He bent down and kissed her on the forehead as he pulled her back into the hug. �I have an idea, I�ll go and make us two iced cappuccino�s and we�ll talk. My machine is finally working again.� He said as he went to pull away.
�No� She protested. �I want to just stay here... with you. Can we just stay here, like this?� She asked looking up at him as she held him tight.
�Yeah we can, we can.� He agreed as they laid down on the couch still in each others arms. As they laid close, they both fell asleep in a tight embrace. Where they were both... safe.