Chapter 12: When the limb breaks...
Serenity sat on the couch in silence. Her hands felt cold and clammy. She didn�t know what to do. Her pulse raced as she tried to think of things to make the situation better, but nothing came to her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him again. She became angry at herself for talking too much. But she also knew that part of it wasn't her fault.
She knew AJ had a lot of feelings was walking on air, she walked so quietly. She put her ear to the door to see if she could hear anything, but only silence followed. She took a deep breath and took a step away from the door. She faced it silently wondering if she opened it, what she would find behind it. She took another deep breath as she slowly turned the knob on the door causing it to open.
The door squeaked as it slowly reviled it�s contents. AJ sat far from the foot of the bed on the right side. His head was buried in his hands as he sat quietly. As she walked into the room she could hear little short breaths coming from him as he breathed through his nose. The timid girl sat on the foot of the bed very gently, barely touching it. She turned to look at AJ as his skin seemed to have turned a red color around his neck. She herself felt like crying, she didn�t know what to say to him. She wanted to think her thoughts through very carefully for fear of upsetting him more then she had.
�I�m...I�m, I�m sorry.� She managed to barely breathe out quietly. Her words seemed to fall on death ears as there was no response to them. She turned around to face the door again as she sat on the bed. She didn�t know what else to say, she was at a lost for words.
�It�s okay.� A small cracked voice said coming from the covered face. The gleaming eyes turned to face him again. She scooted down the bed to be a little closer to where he was sitting.
�I... I never meant to...�
�I know.� He interrupted her. �I know.� A broken voice repeated again. She scooted over more and raised her hand. She carefully and very slowly placed it on his shoulder. The girl touched him so lightly he barely felt it, but he knew it was there. He pulled his hands away from his face and slowly pulled his head up to look at the wall.
He took a deep breath as the sound of distort was heard as he breathed in. �My life...it�s a mess. I really am...all the things you said in the elevator that day... you were right.� He gasped as his broken voice and stuffy nose impaired his speech.
�No, don�t say that. I was wrong. I was so wrong. That�s not you.� Serenity let out shakeing her head no. �What�s wrong with me? How can I hate my own father? Why didn't he want to stay with me, what did I do to make him leave?� The anguished man breathed as he turned to face Serenity. His face was red from crying and parts of it almost looked purple. His nose shined bright red as traces of his tears stained a tail down his face and cheeks. His eyes had slightly turned red also as they teared up again and his eyelashes glistened.
�You did nothing. None of it is your fault.� She said staring into his eyes.
�Why is everything so messed up? Why can�t I just... just, just fix it? Why can�t I fix anything?� The tears started again. He leaned into Serenity as she took him into her arms. She held him tight and closed her eyes. �None of it is you fault AJ. And you can�t fix it all. Stop trying to be in control of everything. Stop trying to fix things you have no control over. Just let it go, you have to let it all go. Stop trying to hang on to things. You can�t keep trying to fix things that can�t be fixed.�
He let out two big breaths and a couple of gasped as he listened to her words. His shallow sobs were breathy as they came out.
�It�s okay AJ. It�s all okay. We can�t control what our fathers do. We can only control what we do, and learn from their mistakes.� She said in his ear. As her eyes tightened she herself felt a tear run down her face. She knew how it felt to have contradicting feelings for her father. But in reality all she wanted was for him to love her and be proud of her.
AJ�s sobs started to slow, and soon they disappeared. � I wish he was here still. I�d give anything to have him back, I did love him, I didn�t show it, but I did. I can�t belive he�s gone, my father�s dead...it seems so unreal. I...I didn�t even cry at his funeral. I was just so angry at him for leaving me and then for taking up my time. Can you believe that? I was at the funeral annoyed because I felt he was taking up my time.� He said with a slight chuckle. �I must be the worse son ever. No wonder he left.� He said letting go of his grip around Serenity. �And look at me now. Here I am crying in front of you. You must think I�m the wimpiest guy ever.� He wiped his face.
�You are not a wimp okay, and it wasn't you. You were not the reason he left. Listen to me.� She said pulling away and garbing his chin so he had to face her, as she looked straight into his eyes. �You are one of the sweetest, charming, caring, unselfish, kick ass guys I know. And believe me, there aren�t very many out there these days,� She smiled warmly at him. �You just don�t know how special you are. And if no one else says it ever in your life, or if fans say it and it seems fake. I�m going to say it right now, right here this moment, and know that it�s real. AJ you are one of the most special people I know. I truly mean that. You are so special, and you are so good, and you are one of the few people in your business that actually deserve everything they have. Don�t ever short change yourself, or think that you�re not worthy or good enough, ever. Because...you are.�
His tear stained face stared back at her. He faced her with no expression, looking deep into her eyes. He felt something he rarely had, which was certainty. And at that moment, at that second, he knew exactly what he wanted to do. He leaned in slowly, and ever so softly he kissed her. The kiss lasted only two seconds before their lips separated. He looked down at her mouth and then up into her eyes as he kissed her again. This time the kiss was more passionate and both of them wanted it. As they kissed, his right arm went around her waist and her right hand went over his shoulder. The kiss soon became more passionate as Serenity fell back onto the bed and AJ hovered above her. Both of her arms wrapped around his shoulders as his lips trailed down to her neck. She kissed the side of his face and took in a breath of air. His lips returned to hers as his left hand slid down to her butt and his right hand slip under her shirt and up her back. Serenity then pulled back, as she turned her head.
�What? What�s wrong?� AJ asked concerned as he sat upward again.
�This, this is wrong. AJ you�re engaged, your getting married on Friday. We can�t do this. This, it just...it just can�t happen.� Serenity said as she rubbed her lips together.
�I...I don�t want to get married anymore. I want to be here with you. I want this. I want you.� He said with certainty. He leaned in and kissed her again. She fought the erge to kiss him back and pulled away once more. �No, you don�t.� Serenity said shaking her head no. � you�re just confused right now. Your emotions and feelings are running high. This is just what feels right at the moment. But that doesn�t mean that it is right. Were both just really hyped up, that�s all.� She said, starting to sit up right also.
�So, what you�re feeling right now...all of it is just confusions and being caught in the moment? Can you truly say none of it is real?� He asked her with a serious expression on his face.
�I...I feel...AJ to tell you the truth I really don�t know how I feel right now. I�m not sure of anything... especially my feelings. I�m sorry.� She looked down at the bed sadly then up into his eyes.
�It�s okay, I understand.� He said letting out a breath of air and looking toward the ground. A somber look had gathered on his face.
�Do you really understand? Don�t just say that because you think that�s what I want to hear. If you�re mad just say it. Don�t go hiding again,� She looked down at him. �No, really.� He said looking up at her. �I do understand. And it�s okay. I am getting married, and I am with Jessica, and she needs me. I really do have to think of her,� He wiped his eyes. They were starting to ache, which was probably from the crying that had taken place before.
�Okay well, I think I�m going to go to sleep. I�m really tired.� Serenity yawned. �You want to sleep in my long sweater, so you can be comfortable? I have a shirt on underneath it.� He asked her.
�I can�t sleep in your sweater; if I do you might freeze to death.� She smiled.
�There are extra blankets in there.� He said pointing at the closet behind him. �I�ll be okay.�
� Then, sure.� She agreed as he took his shirt off. She took it and disappeared into the hall toward the bathroom. AJ felt tired also, he took his shoes off and got comfortable as he pulled the blankets back on his bed. He went to the closet and took out two heavy thick blankets. He spread them over the bed and got underneath them. Serenity made her way from the bath room to the room that was next to AJ�s.
She had finished changing into the sweater and she had also let her hair down. As she passed his room she jumped as a noise from outside startled her. �Serenity.� He called to her. �Yeah?� She answered as she walked in his room. �You can sleep in here...I mean if you want to. I swear I'll be a perfect gentleman.� He said throwing his hands up. � We can keep each other warm, and it�s just for one night.� AJ said trying to figure out her expression. She jumped again when she heard a howling from outside. �Are there wolves out here?� She asked trying to look out the window above the bed. �Don�t worry, just get in bed.� He told her. She looked at the window for a moment then quickly got in the bed and pulled the cover up to her chin. �Ooo it�s cold." She shivered.�
�Here.� AJ rubbed her back. �Better?"
�Yeah, a little.�
�We forgot to turn the lights off in the den.� He told her as the ray of light leaked through the door opening.
�I know, can we just...keep them on?� She asked.
He turned to face her. �Yeah.� He nodded. He leaned in and quickly gave her a slight kiss on the head. �Goodnight.� He said as he rolled over. �Night.� She said as she also rolled over to face the opposite direction. She then jumped again as she heard a slight noise from outside. �Don�t be so nervous, it�s just the wind.� He told her as he turned around facing the back of her head. �You�re freezing.� He said touching the back of her shoulder. He slid closer to her so that they touched and put his left arm around her.
His body heat warmed her. �Thanks.� She said folding her arms starting to get warm. �Uu hu, goodnight Serenity.� He said for the last time. �Thanks AJ.� She replied back to him. She felt safe and warm in his arms, and part of her wished they could stay that way forever. As she lay in bed she pulled her fingers up to touch her lips. She could almost still feel his kiss. She closed her eyes wondering about what tomorrow would hold for them. And both of them fell fast asleep.