It was happening again. All those feelings, those insecurities, they were back. Why did I let them bother me? Why did I let them get to me so much? I didn�t know? It just seemed like we all played a role you know? Kevin is the one with all the wisdom and business skills. Howie�s the one with a cool level head. AJ�s the one who kind of does things on impulse without thinking. Brian�s the one who likes to take control of certain situations and I�m...well I was just the dumb one who went along with everything right? I mean that�s what they all thought of me. At least I think that�s what they all thought of me. I was just the one that went a long with everything. They�d all kind of consult each other and just figure I�d just go along with anything so my opinion didn�t count. At least up till now they didn�t seem to care what I thought. I have to admit I�m scared. I didn�t decide to do a solo album to piss them off or to get them upset. I mean I told them I was thinking about going solo. But they never have taken anything I�ve ever said seriously so why would they now? Maybe they thought it was just another silly thing Nick said. But now I guess they see it wasn�t a joke. I must admit I miss them. The day of my album release and I haven�t heard from any of them. Not one congrats Nick. Not one I picked your CD up today it�s great. Not one good luck on TRL today by yourself. If making a solo album is something I wanted so much, why do I feel so bad? So alone? I haven�t heard from them in almost 2 months. I mean of course Howie dropped by at the taping of my video but it was only because he was passing through. He had a meeting that day and decided he stop and say hi for a second. Did he even want to say hi to me? Maybe someone told him to come. Maybe MTV called him and thought it would be cool to shoot us together. I heard Brain say something to a magazine, about me not being there. Like it was my fault we couldn�t start on our next album or something. Like I was to blame for the break up of the Backstreet Boys. I couldn�t believe he would say that. At one time he was my best friend. We were like twins. We could almost feel each others emotions. I know it sounds cheesy but we were that close. And now I haven�t talked to him in months. It was one of those teenie magazines, so it probably wasn�t true. But if it wasn�t, then why hasn�t he called me to tell me? Do they all hate me? I�m just sitting here in my room not really looking forward to tonight at all. What will my release party be like without my brothers there? I�ve known them since I can remember almost. They are my brothers...can�t they understand I just want to try something on my own? I don�t want them to hate me. God, what if they hate me? What if we do break up because of me? �RING! RING!� �Hello?� I said answering the phone. �Hey Nick?� �Kevin?� I replied surprised by the voice. �Yeah, what�s up?� �Nothing much, new album. That�s about it.� �I just got though listening to your CD. It�s great! I love that song �I�ve got you.� That�s a great song Nick.� �Thanks, you really like it?� �Yeah, it�s really good. I was just talking to Howie about it. He said AJ likes �Blow your mind.�� �AJ listened to it? You talked to Howie about it?� I said in surprise. I didn�t even think AJ knew the release date. �Yeah, you did a really good job Nick. It has a Bryan Adams feel to it.� �Thanks.� I said with hesitation. �Well I have to go now, I�m busy with some stuff but just wanted to call you and tell you how proud I am of you. You really did a good job. Have fun at the release party. It�s going to be in New York right?� �Yeah, my whole family is going to be there.� �Well have fun, wish I could have come. And good luck on TRL today. Give all our fans a hi from me.� �I will.� �Okay, well I�ll talk to you later Nick. Good luck with the album, you really should be proud of it.� � yeah, thanks. Kev?� �Yeah?� �Thanks a lot for calling today. It means a lot.� �No problem Nicky. Bye.� �Bye Kev.� I couldn�t believe he called. Maybe they do care after all, I thought as I started to get ready for the day. The end |
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