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As I entered the room my heart started to beat fast. I felt as though I couldn�t breath. I didn�t know why I had come, I knew he would be here, and I had tried to stay away from him as best I could. But still, here I was dressed in my evening gown looking lost. I hadn�t been going out very much. Sure, I went to a few premieres, I had to. When you�re in the entertainment business you have to show your face or people forget about you. But now that I think about it� maybe it wouldn�t be so bad if they all did forget about me. As I started to a booth I could see him with the rest of them. He was laughing and they all looked happy. It made me remember when I use to be apart of that happy laughing group. How I missed that� but I would never tell him. While I sat in my booth saying my hello�s and giving smiles to the frequent passer by�s I watched him and the rest of the Backstreet Boys. The rest of them with there girlfriends and wives, wrapped around their arms, and taking part in the occasional dance and indulging in wine. They had been interviewed several times on the red carpet tonight, but only one reporter had asked me for an interview. I shrugged it off though. I had just been out of the lime light for a while that�s all. Once I had a new album out the press would love me again. I didn�t need him to be famous. I started to drink my glass of wine. I noticed I wasn�t getting as many complements as before�did that mean something? His table was full of people while I sat here alone with the occasional �friend� who�d ask me where I had been and what I was up to now. Then they�d go on and on about how their career was coming along and all the while they�d avoid making conversation about him, or asking me how I was going on without him. When I could see that�s all they really wanted to know. I then saw him coming toward me. Why was he coming toward me? What did he want? I wouldn�t know what to say if he came over to talk to me. Notice me Take my hand Why are we Strangers when Our love is strong Why carry on without me? �Hello, how have you been?� He asked in that brassy soft voice I missed so much. �I�ve been fine. I�m glad to see you guys finally finished your album.� I told him trying desperately to think of something to say. �Thanks, you know you helped.� �Maybe you should get back to your people, they may need you.� I lightly smiled, looking over at the group who he had left behind. �Maria, I don�t want us to be enemies. I want us to be friends� or at least civil. I don�t want to hate you and I don�t want you to hate me either, that�s why I came over.� I didn�t want to hate him� what am I saying, I could never hate him. Even though I pretended I did. I never could. I gave him a warmer smile. �Well thank you for that. I agree, we can be civil, you may leave now.� He then extended his hand to me. I looked at it, and then back up at him. �Dance with me? Just one dance,� He said with those big puppy eyes. Even if I had wanted to, which I had, I couldn�t say no. I was powerless to him. Every time I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you baby And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face, it's haunting me I guess I need you baby As I walked onto the dance floor with him I felt butterflies in my stomach. Why did I feel as though I couldn�t breathe? What was wrong with me? I had dance with him before. Not since our break up, but we had danced, and I had never felt this way before. He pulled me close as we slow danced and I felt as though I was going to throw up. �So you�re making a new album to? Right?� He asked speaking into my left ear. �Ye�yeah.� I stammered out. �When is it scheduled to come out?� �I�m hoping this fall, or maybe next winter.� �So how have you been?� �I told you already�fine.� �No, I mean how have you really been?� What was I suppose to say to him? That I don�t wake up until 1:00 in the afternoon everyday because I know I won�t see you when I do? That I stay out every night as late as I can so I don�t have to come home and fine you�re not there? That when I finally do get into bed, I cry myself to sleep holding the teddy bear you gave me because it still smells like you? That I haven�t even started on an album yet because I don�t know how to do it without you? That I realize I was wrong and I need you? Well... I couldn�t say those things�I wouldn�t give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt me. But I had hurt him�so didn�t I deserve it? I make believe That you are here It's the only way I see clear What have I done You seem to move on easy �Really, things are going well. My management is trying to get a deal with Coke right now and I�m also getting a guest spot on a WB show. I�ve had a little trouble with some things, but nothing too bad. You know how the business is.� I lied tightening my grip around him just a bit. And every time I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so smallI guess I need you baby And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face, you're haunting me I guess I need you baby �Well I�m glad for you then. That�s good news; me and the guys will be starting the new tour in three months. We�ve just started rehearsals.� �Oh that�s good. I hope it goes really well for you. Will Katrina be you�re opening act?� �Maria�� He started in a down tone. I knew that name would probably get his attention. �We�re not dating, if you meant something by that. We just went shopping together. Some reporters were following us and that�s where those pictures came from. We�re just friends, that�s all.� �It�s okay; it doesn�t matter, because it�s none of my business. We�re not together anymore.� �I know, but I wouldn�t start dating that quick. So how�s Justin?� With the mention of that name I felt as though I would fall apart right there. I felt my legs go weak and my stomach tighten. Why would he even ask that? He had to know I wasn�t with him. I hadn�t even talked to him since�since the incident. I may have made it rain Please forgive me My weakness caused you pain And this song is my sorry �I wouldn�t know. I haven�t talked to him or heard from him.� I said coldly as the words seem to just, fall out of my mouth. �Oh.� Was his only reply. I felt the tears coming near. I closed my eyes and quickly swallowed the lump in my throat pushing them back down. �I�m sorry, I didn�t mean�� He started, syncing my sadness without even seeing my face. �No, it�s okay,� I cut in. �I deserve that and a lot more, I�m sure.� �No, you don�t. What�s done is done, we�ve gone over it before and we�ve already agreed not to bring it back up. Sorry.� The silence then covered us like a shadow. �Nothing - -� �Happened?� He finished this time. �I know, you told me before. I guess you just had you�re tongue down his throat because he had swallowed his gum and you were trying to help him find it, right?� He said coldly. One tear escaped as I swallowed another lump trying to push the pain further down. I wasn�t going to let him see me cry again. There had been enough of that before. �I meant, we didn�t do anything other then that.� I spoke softly as my voice cracked. �Like I said before�doesn�t matter. What�s done is done. I�m sorry�I really am.� He said holding me a little tighter. �I still miss you.� He strained to breath out as his warm breath fell against my ear. I closed my eyes tighter to keep anymore tears from escaping. At night I pray That soon your face Will fade away �I miss you too.� I sobbed into his shoulder in spite of myself. �Shhh, doesn�t matter. What�s done is done.� He told me as he rubbed my back. I swallowed hard again and took in a deep breath. I blinked away the few tears that had escaped and rest my head on his shoulder. How I missed this shoulder, how I wished I could bring this shoulder home with me tonight. It was so warm and soft, and it was mine. At least it had been mine once. It had seemed so simple when he left. I thought I didn�t need him. I figured, fine, leave if you feel that way. I can live without you, I�ll do fine, and I�ll be better then fine. I�m independent, I don�t need a man. Now look where my independence has got me. Because he wasn�t just any man. He was my man, and now�he wasn�t. And every time I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you baby And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face, you're haunting me� �I have to go now. I should be getting back to the table. I just wanted to say hi. Didn�t want there to be bad blood between us. We�re going to have to see a lot of each other in this business.� He pulled away, as the song ended. �Yeah, well no hard feelings.� I told him, wanting to hold him tighter and keep him there with me. �Yeah well, talk to you later, and take care.� He smiled giving me a kiss on the cheek. �Bye.� I smiled, watching him turn and walk away. I then went back to my lonely booth and finished the rest of my wine. After that, I got my purse and started home. Knowing every time I see him, my heart will break again. Just like tonight. I guess I need you baby After all After all By, Monique Song lyrics by, Britney Spears |
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